


Rose Tint My World

by accidentaltsundere



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Art, Depression, Drawings, Eremin - Freeform, Grisha is a Dick, Love, M/M, Older Mikasa, Stars, Suicide mentions, artisteren, astrophysicistarmin, levi is kind of a dick too, lots of old music references, selective mutism, some homophobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-09-19 07:17:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 63,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9425204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/accidentaltsundere/pseuds/accidentaltsundere
Summary: Eren is an aspiring artist, but his life is full of gray. Nothing seems to be an appropriate muse to bring him back to life. The only way he can communicate himself clearly is through his expressive drawings. However, when he encounters a beautiful stranger, his world view changes, and things begin to become colorful again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I'm Leo. This work started out on Wattpad and it's still on there, but I wanted to bring it here because why not ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ hopefully you guys like it!!!

Eren likes to escape.

He likes to be alone, and he actively seeks solitude. Whenever things become too much, which is often, he flees to his favorite hiding place.

Sitting atop the roof of his apartment building, Eren sketches in the light of the setting sun, feeling the cool air against his tear-stained cheeks. He sits close to the edge to get a better view, tall buildings and flashing lights rising up above the chaos of the city below.

The door opening to the rooftop clicks open, and Eren is startled out of his own skin, but doesn't turn around. He doesn't want to incite any social interaction.

This isn't a normal occurrence. Eren is always alone up here, which is the only reason why he keeps coming. He continues sketching, despite how he tenses, gripping the pencil tighter in his hand as the broad, gentle strokes grow rigid, until the lead strikes the paper and breaks.

In his frustration, he slams his pencil and sketch pad down, drawing his knees up to his chest and taking a shaky breath in. He hears steps behind him, and then, "Are you okay?"

Eren looks up, fighting the tears that threaten to spill over for the second time that day. He nods, still not turning around.

"Sorry to bother you. You just seemed upset," the voice continues speaking, and Eren finds himself mesmerized by the calm, silky quality of this voice, but still not enough to turn around.

He shrugs, studying his unfinished drawing, ruined by the messy splotch of black lead in the center. It isn't his best anyway.

The sky is beginning to darken, vibrant orange fading into murky blue. Eren has no intention of returning home, however. Neither does the stranger, who takes a seat by Eren, far enough away that the brunette isn't made uncomfortable, but close enough to still be an annoyance.

"Why do you come up here?" the stranger asks. Still refusing to look up, Eren shrugs, not necessarily willing to share his problems with someone he doesn't know.

"I come up here to see the stars. I know, I know, it's silly." He laughs, softer than a whisper and more delicate than a windchime. A chill runs up Eren's spine at this sound.

"I mean, the city is way too bright. You can't see them..." He trails off. "But I like to imagine what it would be like if it was completely dark, and the only thing lighting up the night were the stars."

There is something Eren admires in this sentiment; something poetic, and so he finally looks up, directing a hesitant gaze to the human who sits beside him.

Eren's breath is stolen from his lungs at the sight of the boy beside him, a silhouette of his finely-sculpted features appearing in the light as Eren takes it in, locks of golden hair framing his face, illuminated in the light of the setting sun.

He says nothing, and neither does the stranger, who doesn't seem to notice that Eren is staring intently at him. Finally the brunette turns away, taking his sketch pad into his arms again. He needs to leave. He can feel his chest starting to constrict and his palms starting to sweat, and he needs to be alone again to fight the panic. 

Eren manages to stumble to his feet, taking one last, longing look at the blonde boy in the fading light, before he disappears through the door.

•     •     •

Eren is standing at the door of his sister's apartment, face flushed as he clutches his sketch pad to his chest. He has managed to reign in the overwhelming anxiety, but he can't go back home. Not yet.

He knocks softly, biting his lip. The door opens in an instant, and there is Mikasa, towering above him, adorned in exercise clothes and sporting a look of surprise. "Eren!" she exclaims, and the brunette smiles, delighted to see his sister. "Just dropping by for a bit?" He nods, still grinning wide. "Did you go to school today?" This is when Eren's smile disappears, and he shakes his head no, guilt washing over him. "Dad gave you hell for it, huh." Eren doesn't respond to this, instead averting his eyes to his sneakers.

"It's okay, my sweet brother. Come inside."

Eren steps through the door, his feet sinking into the plush carpet. Eren notices Mikasa's girlfriend, Annie, who is laid out on the couch, eating a bowl of cereal. She sends Eren a friendly wave, and he returns it. He likes Annie, and has grown quite comfortable having her around. It took him awhile to get accustomed to her constant presence, however.

"Listen, Eren," Mikasa is saying, as she hurries to the fridge to get Eren his favorite drink, "I know how hard it is for you. But you've got to start going to school more consistently, okay? I mean, this is your junior year. I know art's your thing but this year's all important and stuff."

Usually, Eren would dignify this kind of speech with an eye roll and a sarcastic comment, something along the lines of, "Okay, _Mom_ ," but with Annie around and the events that have just taken place on the roof, he can't seem to find his voice. Instead, he simply nods, plopping himself into a seat at the kitchen table with a sigh.

Mikasa slides a bottle of iced green tea over to him, and Eren accepts it eagerly, taking a few generous sips. She takes a seat across from him, sweeping her hair back into a messy bun to expose her bright, almond-shaped eyes and matured features.

"So...how are you otherwise?" Mikasa asks him, smiling kindly. It's been a few days since they've seen each other, so naturally she has questions.

Eren shrugs, but there is a tiny smile on his face. Realizing he isn't able to speak out loud momentarily, she pries his sketchbook from his hands, opening it up to a blank page. "Write," she says.

Eren realizes he doesn't have his pencil, having dropped it in frustration on the roof, and so Mikasa finds another one, placing it in Eren's hands.

 _I met a boy_ , he writes.

"Really?" Mikasa is smiling widely, because her brother looks so adorably pleased with this fact. "Where did you meet him?"

 _In my hiding place_ , he scribbles out, in his scratchy handwriting.

"Which is?"

Eren smirks, shaking his head. She asks this often, just to see if one day he'll cave. He needs to keep some things a secret.

"What's his name?" she presses on. At this point, Annie has taken notice of their conversation, and comes over, ruffling Eren's hair before taking a seat beside Mikasa. Annie, despite her stoic and seemingly unapproachable manner, is very kind to Eren, treating him like he is her own brother, even though she doesn't have siblings of her own. She is also very understanding of his social anxiety, never pressuring him to talk when he doesn't want to. Eren loves spending time with the two of them. They're the only prominent strong women in his life, figures he hasn't had since his mother.

"Eren? You have a boyfriend?" she asks, her voice rising in playful surprise. The brunette boy flushes bright red, and he manages to stammer, "N-n- _no_!" The blonde girl and the ebony-haired girl both laugh heartily, and Eren rolls his eyes, sipping his tea again until his face cools down.

Eren spends two hours at their apartment, and then he gets sleepy, dozing off on the couch as they watch a movie. Mikasa shakes him awake, peering over him as he blinks through sleepy eyes.

"Eren, it's getting late," she whispers. "I'll walk you back."

Mikasa lives three floors above her brother and father, mainly because she can't leave Eren completely on his own, with no place to easily seek refuge. Eren always feels safer when Mikasa brings him back to his father's apartment. She's twenty-one, first of all, and she also knows how to deal with Grisha, unlike Eren, who is afraid of him.

"It's about time you showed up," the stern man barks when the siblings enter. He pays no mind to Mikasa, instead focusing on the brunette boy, peering down upon him through his glasses. Her arm tightens around Eren's shoulders as he tries to shuffle past, but Grisha stops them, shoving Eren's chest lightly, yet enough to make him flinch.

"Aren't you gonna _say_ something?"

Eren flushes in pure frustration, and he shakes his head, avoiding his father's icy cold gaze.

"Leave him alone," Mikasa growls, pushing past Grisha and guiding Eren to his room.

Closing the door behind them, Mikasa turns to Eren, who has flopped onto the bed, shivering slightly as the tears trickle hopelessly down his cheeks.

"Eren..." Mikasa trails off, taking the boy into her arms. "Hey, don't get upset over him. He's an asshole, he's not worth it."

"S-sorry," he stammers, disgusted at the sound of his own voice.

"Don't apologize. Go ahead and lie down, okay?"

Eren curls up underneath the blankets, clutching his sketchbook to his chest.

"Do you need me to stay?"

"N-no, I'll b-be okay." He wipes his eyes with his sweatshirt sleeve.

"Alright. Good night." She plants a soft kiss to his temple before she exits, shutting the door softly.

After Mikasa leaves, Eren realizes he can't sleep, and quickly wishes she stayed. He almost considers texting her, but he doesn't want to be a bother. Instead, he switches on the lamp next to his beside and props open his sketchbook, deciding to draw until he gets tired again.

Eren doesn't like to draw people. They're fickle, and their features are strange, and he has never held his drawings of people to the same standards as his drawings of scenery or objects. His mind keeps drifting back to the blonde stranger he met just a couple of hours prior, however. He has never seen someone so effortlessly beautiful.

Before he knows what he is doing, he is roughly sketching an outline of a human face, continuing to pencil in the features, dark and shadowy in appearance, as that was how Eren viewed the boy. He finds himself relaxing completely into his work, eventually returning to the messier lines to trace them more neatly. And then he is done, admiring his work in the dim light.

 _I come up here to look at the stars_ , the boy's words echo in his head. This repeats in his head on a loop as he drifts off to sleep, and in his dreams he sees brilliant skies lit up with millions of stars.

• • •

"Eren, get up."

The boy ignores his dad's voice, instead burrowing deeper into his blanket cocoon.

"I said, _get up_. You have school today and you're not skipping."

Eren doesn't budge, however, shutting his eyes tightly to block out his father's irritating voice. _Fuck off_ , he says in his head.

"If you don't get your ass moving I'm taking your goddamn art book and I'm not giving it back."

Eren shoots up in bed with wide eyes, snatching his sketchbook from his father's grasp and scrambling to his feet. Grisha smiles smugly, something Eren hates more than anything else.

Not having enough time to eat breakfast, Eren quickly brushes his teeth, neglecting to run a comb through his tangled hair, and changes into new clothes—gray jeans and a black hoodie, always hoping that his neutral clothing will make him disappear to spare him from interacting with people. Sliding on his beaten-up black converse, he leaves the apartment without bidding his father farewell, slamming the door behind him.

His school is only two blocks away from his apartment building, but he walks at a brisk pace today, not wanting to be late, because he hates the confrontation associated with it. Arriving inside, he slinks past the people in the hall, sliding into his first period class and sinking into his seat just as the bell rings. No one pays Eren any mind, as he has been dubbed the "weird emo kid" by many of his classmates, mainly because he doesn't talk and tends to wear all black. So much for blending in.

First period runs by smoothly, as always. Mikasa, being the wonderfully generous sister that she is, has made accommodations for Eren at his school since he wandered in as a terrified freshman. All of his teachers are aware of his social anxiety, and are, for the most part, open and understanding about it, not pressuring Eren to work on group projects or talk in class if he isn't comfortable with it, which he never is. His classmates are much less accepting, although there are a few who are genuinely nice to him, like Christa, who is a blonde girl with a kind heart in two of his classes. Whenever she senses his unease or panic, she puts a comforting hand on his shoulder, in a simple gesture to let him know that everything is okay. Eren appreciates her a lot.

Second period passes by similarly, but Eren's entire being is weighed down with dread when the bell rings, signifying the end of class. Third period is his least favorite class of all.

Arriving inside as close to the bell as possible, Eren takes his seat in the back, avoiding eye contact with Levi, his teacher, who all of his students call _Monsieur_. He believes that if Eren is thrown into social situations instead of removed from them, he will benefit. However, this does just the opposite. Eren has countless panic attacks due to Levi's class, which also happens to be his favorite subject—French. Eren loves learning different languages, already being fluent in Spanish, German, and Japanese, aside from English, but he doesn't love it with Levi as his teacher. Eren actually used to idolize Levi, being the first openly gay teacher at their school, married to one of the math teachers, Mr. Erwin Smith. However, his attitude has led Eren to despise him as a person, despite still holding some admiration for him.

Class begins and of course, Eren is called on for a part of beginning conversation, reddening in frustration as he can't answer the question he is asked, deadly silence ringing out throughout the room. Sighing in exasperation, he moves on to the next person, and Eren feels anger bubble in his stomach, clenching his fists under his desk.

The bell rings after what feels like an eternity, and Eren bolts up from his seat, almost the first one out of the door, but Levi calls out, "Eren, you stay. I need to speak with you."

A few of his classmates snicker, pushing past him roughly as they exit, and he tenses, the anger already brewing threatening to spill over, but he shoves his hands in his pockets, approaching Levi's desk with his eyes cast down to the floor.

Waiting until everyone has left, Levi sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Listen, Eren...you're failing my class."

The brunette, not surprised, doesn't even acknowledge this with a nod, so the man continues.

"Your written work is terrific, and your test grades are wonderful...I know you're great with language, and you show promise, but..." He shuffles some papers in his hands. "You're not vocally participating. You know how much that affects your grade. If you're not speaking in class, I can't allow you to leave here with a passing grade."

Eren's face falls, defeated at this prospect. He wants to yell at him, say that he's trying, and say how badly he wants to do well, but he can't. He can't, so he stays silent, hot tears stinging the backs of his eyelids.

"I need your father to sign this."

Eren goes rigid at these words, watching as Levi slides a pink slip of paper in his direction.

"It's crucial that I notify your parents if you have a failing grade. I'm sorry, but since you already miss so much school, and you're not doing your part to speak in class, I absolutely cannot pass you. And your dad needs to know that."

The brunette is already trembling terribly as he grips the paper, tempted to just rip it up and throw it in the trash, but he doesn't want to get in trouble, so instead, he shoves it in his backpack, still refusing to look up.

"See you tomorrow," Levi calls to him as he flees the classroom hurriedly, breaking into a run as the green tile floor starts to blur beneath him.

Eren hides in the bathroom for all of his next period, his eyes squeezed shut and his face buried between his knees. He can't go home and show his father that he's failing. _I can't. I can't do it, I can't, I can't, I can't_. There is a knock on his stall door as the bell for fifth period rings.

"Hey, uh, Jaeger," Jean says awkwardly. He has never antagonized Eren as much as his group of friends has, but it doesn't make the interaction any less strange. Plus, Eren once had a crush on him, so he always feels a bit uncomfortable around Jean. "Miss Petra said you would be in here...she wants to see you, since you weren't in class, or whatever."

Eren waits until Jean leaves to exit the bathroom, taking careful steps towards Miss Petra's room. When he arrives, she swivels around in her chair, masking her concern with a smile. "Eren!" she exclaims, standing and patting one of the desks. "Come in, let's talk."

Miss Petra is Eren's English teacher, and she is his favorite teacher of all. She doubles as a psychologist in the evening, and she knows what Eren needs and how to make him feel comfortable, so they talk a lot. She sits in the desk beside him, not pressuring him to say anything, just giving him a moment to settle down, as he is clearly very upset.

"What's going on?" she asks finally. Eren is often able to talk to her, but she still doesn't pressure him, waiting until he can formulate a response. Finally, he answers.

"I'm failing French," he mumbles. "And I...I...I have t-to tell my dad. And he's gonna be really mad and I...I can't do it."

"Maybe you can bring your sister with you when you tell him?" she suggests. "It'll help, you always say she helps to counteract your father's worst."

Eren shrugs, knowing that it's probably his best option.

"Well, anyway, let's focus on some positives for now, okay? Do you have anything good to tell me about?"

As much as Eren wants to show her the drawing he has done of the blonde stranger, he feels like it is too personal and intimate to show to anyone else. He's not sure why, but instead, he shows her one of his recent drawings of the New York City skyline, one that he is quite proud of. He has added splotches of color to it, mainly emphasizing the colors of the sunset; brilliant oranges, and reds, and hints of purple.

"Wow, Eren, this is beautiful," she says. Miss Petra wholeheartedly encourages Eren's art, mostly because his school doesn't have an art program, but she really wants to see him succeed in that particular area, because of his overwhelming talent. Eren has been drawing since he could hold a pencil. There is no way that Miss Petra could let his talent go to waste on someone like his father, who is unsupportive of this path for him.

"May I see another one?" she requests, and Eren nods, flipping back to one she hasn't seen before, but there are none, so he settles for the one he has done the previous night, grimacing at its imperfections. Miss Petra studies it with interest, and then inquires, "Was this intentional?" she points to the blotch of dark graphite in the center, and Eren shakes his head.

"Really? I like it." A hint of a smile plays at her narrow lips. "It gives it character."

Eren shrugs, not completely disagreeing. Miss Petra leans forward, suddenly very serious.

"I want you to remember that, okay? Your imperfections make you who you are, too. Even if you don't like them, they're important. In time, you'll find someone who loves you for those imperfections too. But for now, I'll appreciate them." Miss Petra smiles kindly, and Eren blushes, a bit embarrassed by her speech, despite how warm-hearted and earnest it is. "And I'll talk to Mr. Levi for you. We're good friends."

"Thank you," Eren whispers.

Her smile widens. "You're welcome."

Eren spends fifth period and lunch curled up on a cot in the nurse's office. He doesn't have to fake sick, because the nurse and the ladies in the office allow him to come by when he gets too overwhelmed, which is a lot. By the time sixth period rolls around, Mikasa is hovering over him, running a gentle hand through his hair.

"Eren," she sings. "I'm here to take you home, okay?"

They don't go home, though. Instead, Mikasa takes Eren out to lunch, where she watches him devour a burger and fries and down a milkshake in a matter of three minutes.

"Someone was hungry," she remarks with an endearing smirk as Eren grins over his empty plate.

They still don't go home after that. Eren doesn't let Mikasa know he's upset, but she can tell; it lies in in the little mannerisms he picks up when he's especially anxious, like biting his nails or tapping aggressively on any surface. She doesn't ask, however, instead taking Eren to his favorite ice cream shop, and ordering him his favorite flavor—cake batter. And then she waits, watching as Eren licks his ice cream cone in delight, innocent gaze trained on her ruby red scarf, a common place he looks when he doesn't want to make eye contact with her, which is often.

And then she speaks as he finishes: "Eren. What's wrong?" She is devastated to see his face fall, tiny smile fading away into nothingness, his brilliant, turquoise eyes growing dull.

To her utter surprise, instead of ignoring her or even giving in and answering, he stands, dumping the empty cone in the garbage, and then bolts out the door before she can react.

Mikasa jumps to her feet, dashing over to the door and ignoring the concerned stares of casual onlookers.

"Eren!" she screams out the door and into the cold air, echoing through the busy streets, trying to stop him, but he is gone in an instant.


	2. Chapter 2

Eren is sprinting wildly, his surroundings fading into nothingness as he runs, converse slapping the pavement, the only sound in his ears his aggressive breathing. He doesn't stop for what feels like hours, but is only minutes, and then he is stumbling to the ground, gasping for air. The adrenaline has worn off, leaving him a panting, shaking mess.

Eren notices a pair of lavender Vans with white flowers all over them directly in front of him, intrigued by the intricate pattern. Then he remembers that these shoes must belong to someone, and so he jumps, scrambling backwards, racing heart only picking up its pace.

He looks up, meeting a pair of ocean blue eyes, surrounded by beautiful blonde hair.

It must be fate.

"Hi," the boy from the roof breathes, radiant despite the dreary, cloudy atmosphere surrounding him. "Are you okay?"

Blushing profusely, Eren stumbles to his feet, noticing that he is a few inches taller than the boy, who looks a bit older now that he sees him in a clearer light.

"Um...are you in trouble? I saw you running, so..."

Eren, still unable to answer, just stares at him, trying to appreciate every inch of his face and every tiny feature that contributes to his overwhelming beauty.

"By the way..." The blonde digs around in his bag, unearthing Eren's favorite sketching pencil. "You left this yesterday."

The brunette's eyes widen, and he smiles in pure delight, heart jumping for joy. Eren's smile is his own way of saying thanks, and the other male understands this, smiling back.

"What are you running from?" The question is innocent, yet it reminds Eren of the massive pile of his problems that keeps multiplying with no end in sight.

Seeing as he isn't going to answer this particular question, the boy smiles in a friendly manner, gesturing beside him. "I was about to come in here and get coffee...if you need a place to go for...whatever reason you're running, you can come with me."

Eren, normally panicking and running away in this situation, has done enough of the prior, and instead nods, keeping a large distance between the blonde boy and himself.

The boy waltzes up to the counter and greets the barista, clearly knowing the person, and orders his drink confidently. Eren stands quietly by the door, watching him. The blonde notices his aloofness and questions him, "You want anything? I can buy it for you."

Eren holds a hand out and shakes his head desperately to decline, not wanting to make someone he doesn't know spend money on him, even though he becomes less and less of a stranger as the minutes pass.

"Are you sure? I really don't mind."

As much as Eren wants to tell him no, his senses are overwhelmed with the crowded coffee shop, and so he just shrugs, leading the blonde boy to buy him some coffee too.

Soon enough, he is slurping down an iced coffee at record speeds, and the blonde is staring at him, truly impressed. "Good, huh?" he asks, and Eren stops, grimacing with shame at his terrible manners and habits.

"It's okay," the blonde continues. "You're not offending me. Can I ask you some questions, though? Not to pry into your personal life. Just a couple of things I'm curious about."

Eren sets down his coffee, nodding slowly. He keeps finding himself staring at the blonde, who, again, doesn't acknowledge this. He has a strange and unfamiliar urge to reach out and touch the blonde's face, trailing a hand over those features, memorizing them with his fingertips. But he doesn't, because that would be weird, and he doesn't have the courage to do it anyway.

"Okay. What's your name?"

Eren stares blankly at him for a few seconds, before remembering that he can write his answers, and so he digs around in his backpack, unearthing a regular spiral notebook. He flips it open to an unwritten page and proceeds to scribble out, _Eren_. He slides it across the table to the blonde.

"Cool name," he remarks, as Eren twitches nervously. "My name is Armin."

 _Armin_. Eren lets the name silently roll around his tongue for a moment, before he nods awkwardly.

"How old are you?"

 _16_ , he scrawls hurriedly. He watches Armin carefully as he reads this, enraptured by the way he sweeps a lock of hair out of his face, and how his eyes crinkle as he smiles.

"Oh. I just turned eighteen," he responds. "But I graduated a year early, so I'm in college now."

 _Whoa. He's smart_ , Eren thinks. _I wish I could graduate early._

There is a long pause as Armin works up another noninvasive question. Then he speaks once again: "What do you go up on the roof for?"

Eren flinches as someone brushes past him, bumping his chair as they walk and startling him. He ignores their rushed apology and instead focuses on his reply to Armin.

 _To draw. Get away from it all_ , he writes, trying to keep his answers as vague as possible.

Armin's voice is small, hardly able to be heard over the din of the coffee shop, when he asks his final question.

"Is everything okay?"

Ignoring the very apparent concern in Armin's voice, Eren manages to scribble, _I'm fine._

"Are you sure?"

Eren avoids this question as well. He traces and loops his letters carefully as he writes his last remark.

_Come with me to the roof._

• • •

Eren isn't sure where his boldness is coming from, inviting a boy he has practically just met to sit with him in his favorite place to be alone. However, he feels like he can breathe again when they exit the coffee shop, and he walks at a brisk pace to the apartment building, Armin struggling to keep up behind him.

They trudge silently up the many flights of stairs, as the elevator is broken. Eren's mind is racing, and his heart is pounding in his chest, anxiety washing over him in waves, but he ignores it. It is too late to turn back now.

By the time they reach the top, the sun is starting to set, and Armin puts a hand to his heart, stopping in the doorway to admire the beautiful view.

Eren takes his usual spot, overlooking the skyline, but he doesn't feel the same emotions looking at this scenery that he does looking upon Armin. He sighs wistfully, and the blonde notices this, stepping closer to where Eren sits.

"Are you alright?" he asks carefully.

Eren stares at his beaten-up sneakers, hiding his hands even further in the sleeves of his sweatshirt. And then he finds himself speaking. "C-could I...c-c-could I..." He trails off, huffing in frustration. It shouldn't take this much effort to say four simple words. "Could...c-could I d-draw you?"

Armin laughs, not at Eren, but at the notion. " _You_ want to draw _me_?" he asks, almost incredulously and just a tad self-deprecating. "Why?"

"B-be-c-cause...b-because..." Eren can't say it, gripping his sleeves tightly. His heart feels like it's going to explode.

He grabs the notebook instead, opening up to their previous conversation. _Because you're really beautiful_ , he writes, muddled from his trembling hands.

Eren's face is burning, fiery red contrasting with his olive skin. It is Armin's turn to blush as he reads what Eren has written, fighting back the urge to hug the younger male, who remains at a far distance.

"Oh...thank you," he whispers, suddenly shy. "Y-you can draw me...um...if you still want to."

Eren beckons him closer without words, chewing his lip until it bleeds. _I can't believe I just said that, I can't believe it, what the fuck?_ Thoughts are swirling around in his head, and yet he keeps his eyes cast down, opening up his sketchbook.

Armin sits perfectly still in front of him, in an awkward pose. "Is this okay?" he asks, and Eren nods, taking tiny glimpses of the blonde as he sketches rapidly. The movements of his hand are erratic, but the lines and curves of Armin's body and face are reflected precisely in Eren's rendering.

After ten minutes of rough sketching, Eren sets his pencil down, taking a moment to observe his drawing. He still hasn't managed to capture Armin's essence, but he's pleased with his work. The blonde moves forward, startling Eren as he nears closer to him.

"Can I see?" he inquires shyly.

Protective of his art work, Eren hugs his sketch pad to his chest, mostly fearful of Armin's judgement. The blonde backs up, smiling apologetically.

"Sorry, I...I made you uncomfortable. I don't have to see if you don't want to show me."

Eren feels guilty immediately, however, opening his mouth to tell Armin he can look. He's too embarrassed to speak now, however, and so he flips it open, shoving it towards the blonde.

Armin studies it for a while, tracing it with expressive eyes. Finally he looks up, awestruck at Eren's skill.

"This is amazing," he whispers. Eren smiles sheepishly, shaking his head, but Armin isn't finished. "No, it really is! I love it. Thank you."

No more words are exchanged between the pair for a while, finding solace in the silence between them and the noise of the city below. Then Eren's phone rings, breaking the silence. He scrambles for it in his bag, but immediately discards it, seeing Mikasa's name flash across the screen.

Armin watches this in slight confusion, but doesn't question it. Instead, he asks, "This is the building where you live, right? When you're ready...could I walk you to your apartment?"

Eren stiffens, because he'll never be ready to face his father after the day he's had, but he can't turn down Armin's offer, so he nods, ignoring the churning in his stomach and the way his chest aches.

His phone rings again, echoing loudly through the stairwell as the two boys begin their descent. He ignores it, even though he knows Mikasa will worry. It's not the first time he has done this anyway.

They end up at the door of the apartment that Eren shares with his father. Eren is a wreck, unsure of how he is going to face the upcoming situation without Mikasa. Armin notices his fear, reaching out to put a hand on Eren's shoulder to steady his nervous movement. He stops himself, however, drawing his hand back. He doesn't want to make the brunette uncomfortable. Instead, he says, "See you," and flits away, leaving Eren alone with his poisonous thoughts.

His hands shake as he twists the key through the lock, pushing open the door to reveal his father, sitting in the living room with his laptop propped up on his lap, typing away at something. He stares in Eren's direction as the brunette walks in, shrinking under the cold, harsh gaze.

"I got a call from your teacher," he states calmly. "He alerted me that you have something to show me regarding your grade in his class, is that true?"

Eren swallows, the nausea already brewing in his gut growing stronger with his father's words. He nods, while internally scorning Mr. Levi for making his life so difficult.

"Well, let's see then," he sighs, holding out a hand in an almost absentminded gesture.

Eren rifles through his bag for the paper, knowing that there's no escaping his fate now. His father snatches the paper from his hands, straightening his glasses as his eyes run over the words. Eren is already withdrawing into himself, wishing he could disappear forever and escape his father's perpetual disappointment.

Grisha explodes, jumping to his feet and throwing the paper onto the coffee table. "What are you, a fucking idiot?!" he screams, startling Eren enough that he loses his balance, stumbling backwards. "You speak four fucking languages and you're _failing French?!_ How hard is it to talk?! To _speak?!_ You're a god damn waste of space, that's what you are!"

Eren is trembling with rage, finally reaching his boiling point. As his father continues to yell, features contorting into a monstrous frown, Eren squeezes his eyes shut, and suddenly he can't stop himself, because he's screaming right back, " _Fuck you!_ "

Silence follows, thick with tension. And then panic rises in Eren's chest, seizing his whole body, as he realizes what he has done. Before anything else happens, Eren sprints to his bedroom at record speeds, locking the door behind him before Grisha can reach him. His father pounds on his bedroom door, yelling unintelligible things that Eren has blocked out, hands to his ears to stop the noise. Everything is swelling around him, overwhelming, and he whimpers, curling himself into a tighter ball. _Waste of space, waste of space, waste of space..._

There is an aggressive knocking at the front door that Eren hears even through his ragged breathing. Grisha rips it open violently, as he hears the handle smack the wall, and an unmistakeable female voice is filling the apartment: "Is Eren here?!"

Grisha snarls something Eren can't properly decipher, and then there are footsteps approaching his room, and a soft knocking that accompanies it. The sounds reach him, but he's so far gone. Everything is too much.

"Eren, it's me," Mikasa says gently, and her tone manages to pull Eren out of his mind, if only for a moment. "I'm not mad at you, okay? Please let me in."

The boy sits up, staring at his doorknob and debating whether or not he should unlock it. Is this a trick? Will his dad enter too, and make him feel even worse? Or is it just his sister, here to comfort him? In the end, he settles for letting her in, because he trusts Mikasa, more than anything.

Crying is stupid. Eren hates it, because it happens to him so often. But suddenly a pair of warm, protecting arms are wrapped around him, and he is sobbing until he can't breathe, everything fading away as he leans into her touch, _depends_ on her touch. She is murmuring words of reassurance to soothe him, and he just latches on tighter and tighter, too afraid to let go.

"Eren..." She speaks after a while, after Eren has settled down and into a calm, as calm as one could possibly be after such an incident. She holds him close to her, his head on her chest, breathing soft and deep. It's something she used to see his mother do for him, when he was small and he was plagued with panic attacks, and Eren always managed to calm in the motherly gesture, winding down into a serene state.

"You could have told me," she continues, carding her fingers through his soft hair. "I would have helped you."

"Was stupid," Eren mumbles into her shirt.

"No, you're not," she sighs, understanding exactly what he means. "I was worried about you."

"I know." Eren shifts, wiping his damp cheeks on his sweatshirt sleeve. "Sorry. Shit."

"No need to apologize."

"I saw him."

This captures Mikasa's interest. "You saw who?"

"The boy. Armin."

Mikasa smiles, gazing upon the brunette, whose eyes are closed. "What's he like?"

"Mm..." He trails off, considering his words. "Pretty. Smart...likes stars." He traces his fingers across Mikasa's sweater, the cottony material plush against his skin. "Ah, fuck..."

"Hm?" The raven-haired girl tilts an eyebrow, even though he can't see.

"I told him he was beautiful ..." Eren sighs, sinking deeper into his calm. "Probably thinks I'm weird..."

Mikasa laughs, the sound light and airy. "That's cute."

Eren falls asleep like that, cradled in Mikasa's arms. He manages to forget that his first words to his father in months were not the best ones, and Mikasa admires his sleeping form, completely relaxed, jaw slack, and breathing slow and soft.

She places him gently underneath the blankets, switching off the lamp as she escapes his bedroom, shutting the door softly. Grisha is gone, likely in his room, and she breathes a sigh of relief as she is able to escape without confrontation.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all of the positive response!!! I really appreciate it!!! <3

Eren leaves the house well before his father wakes, deciding to arrive at school early rather than face him. He makes his way through the empty halls, footsteps echoing eerily as he proceeds to the classroom at the end.

His voice is small as he calls out into the room, "Miss Petra?" The auburn-haired woman looks up from the papers she is grading, a smudge of red pen on her left cheek.

"Hi Eren!" she greets him, smiling brightly. "Come in, sit down." She pats the chair beside her desk, and Eren obeys, taking a seat and observing Miss Petra's hands as they write swiftly from paper to paper, pale and slightly freckled.

Eren needs to get better at drawing hands.

"Did everything go okay with your dad?" she inquires, setting down her pen down to make eye contact with Eren.

"No," the brunette whispers, fiddling with the drawstrings on his hoodie. "He yelled at me."

"I'm sorry to hear that. I talked to Mr. Levi, and he said it's unfair to the other students for you to receive a grade boost just because of your 'problems'." She makes air quotes at this, and Eren sighs, his heart feeling heavy. "There's nothing I can really do for you, and it makes me sad. You deserve an A+ in that class, not an F."

Eren shrugs half-heartedly. "Thanks for trying," he mumbles.

"It's okay, sweetie. We'll work on it, okay?"

He nods, wishing he could believe her.

Eren stays in her room for a while longer before he departs for first period. The hallways are bustling with people now, and he hurries in the opposite direction, keeping his head down and gaze directed towards the floor.

The day drifts by without any major events, and Eren manages to make it through all seven periods without leaving early or taking any trips to the nurse. He knows if he walks home now he will have the apartment to himself for a while until his father gets home, but he doesn't want to go back. There is a strange yearning in his chest, growing stronger with each heartbeat.

_I want to see Armin._

Not knowing where else to go, Eren finds himself walking at a brisk pace towards the coffee shop where he and Armin encountered each other the previous day. It's a shot in the dark, but he doesn't know where else to go.

As he stands in front of the window, peering inside, he spots a familiar head of golden hair, back turned as he hunches over something. He's writing, Eren realizes, and very intently. Not wanting to disturb him, he almost leaves, but then he realizes how much he likes to just admire Armin's form while he writes. It's strangely calming.

That is, until someone shoves roughly into Eren as they pass, nearly knocking him into a puddle of dirty water beside him. He scowls, startled by the interruption, and decides to enter the coffee shop, and escape the constant noise and disturbances of the city streets.

The tiny bell rings when he pushes the door open, and one of the baristas looks up, greeting Eren with a smile. He tries his best to smile back, but then sees Armin's table, not too far away. Instead of answering the barista's question of, "Can I get you anything today?" he proceeds directly past and approaches Armin's table.

To any onlookers, the situation is strange: a brunette boy wearing all black, standing three feet away from a table that contains a blonde boy, working diligently, and subsequently not noticing his admirer. To Eren, though, it's perfectly normal, as he maybe doesn't realize how it looks from outside of his own eyes.

Then, without warning, Armin looks up from his notebook and makes sudden eye contact with Eren, an expression of surprise dancing across his features. He is wearing a powder blue sweater and a yellow headband that pushes his bangs away from his face, and Eren can't stop tracing his every feature with his eyes.

Realization strikes Armin's face a split second later, and his eyes brighten as he smiles. "Eren!" he exclaims, standing abruptly and making the boy jump, as he stumbles backwards from the sudden movement.

"Oh sorry, I startled you," he hurriedly apologizes, taking his seat again. "I just didn't expect to see you here! Do you want to sit down?" Armin points to an empty space beside him, eyes wide and hopeful, and Eren feels his face flush, crimson red spreading from his cheeks to the tips of his ears.

Eren has to blink twice to make sure this is real, that someone is actually excited to see him, and is inviting him to sit with him, _willingly._ So he nods, pulling up a chair and taking a seat next to Armin, his face still warm as he fiddles with his hands in his lap.

"Do you want any coffee?" Armin asks, still smiling kindly, and Eren reaches into his jeans pocket, managing to unearth three dollars, crumpled up from being haphazardly taken that morning. Armin tries to refuse the money, but Eren is insistent, shoving it his way with a purposeful look. The blonde takes it and heads off to get him an iced coffee.

Eren is slurping down the sweet beverage the instant Armin slides it his way, immense satisfaction filling him. His cherry red notebook sits before him in the table, the cover littered with numerous scribbles and doodles. He is prepared to converse with Armin in this fashion.

"Hey, why didn't you let me know you were here?" Armin questions, as he takes a lengthy sip of his own coffee. He watches as Eren scribbles out a rushed response in pencil.

_I didn't want to bother you._

"You aren't bothering me. Besides, I needed a break." Armin shrugs gesturing to his own notebook, and the countless notes he has taken, printed neatly in immaculate handwriting. Eren studies it with wide eyes, making note of the strange charts and diagrams that are on the page.

 _What's that?_ he writes.

"Physics." Armin laughs, letting Eren study the page. "I want to be an astrophysicist, so you know." He shrugs, twirling his pen around in his fingers. Eren studies him with careful eyes, taking note of his words. He doesn't want to forget any detail. Every tiny thing that contributes to every fiber of Armin's being is important to him.

"Cool," Eren whispers, just loud enough to be heard, but still quiet enough to be missed. His voice is raspy from misuse, but Armin smiles at this, feeling his heart soar in his chest because Eren is comfortable enough to speak to him, even if it is just a single word.

Rain begins to pour outside as the two boys communicate back and forth, hitting the window with a soft tapping. Armin checks the time and starts, jumping to his feet.

"I have to go," he says apologetically. Eren's heart sinks, wanting Armin's company forever in the quiet coffee shop. "I'm sorry." He begins shoving his belongings into his backpack, pulling on his green cargo jacket and pocketing his phone. Eren watches silently, having nothing else but his own backpack to carry, having already put away his notebook.

"Bye, Eren, I'll see you around, okay?" Armin tells him, and his blonde hair swishes past as he proceeds towards the door, leaving a whiff of lavender in his wake. Realization strikes then as Eren watches Armin approach the door, and so he runs up to him, tugging on his sleeve.

The blonde stops in his tracks, a hand on the door. "What is it?" he inquires kindly. Eren blushes, fiddling around in his backpack until he unearths a small, pink umbrella.

"Oh...for me?" Eren nods, offering up a tiny smile, face still flushed and too shy to make eye contact. "Thank you, but...I can't take this, I mean...it's yours."

Eren goes to say that he needs it more than he does, but he can't, instead placing it in Armin's hands and ignoring the jolt that zaps underneath his skin as his fingers brush the blonde's.

"M-m-maybe...m-maybe w-we could—" Eren cuts himself off, shaking his head and furrowing his brow. Armin waits patiently for him to finish his thought. "Mayb-be...maybe w-we could w-walk together?"

Eren mumbles this quickly, staring down at his damp shoes and folding his hands behind his back as they shake. Armin finds himself smiling again, because Eren is so adorably considerate, and he would want nothing else than to walk anywhere with him.

"Of course we can," Armin answers, studying how the boy is framed by the dim light of the coffee shop, dark clothing and withdrawn personality meshing well with the clouds outside. "I'm not going home though...I'm going to class."

Eren looks up at this, eyes darting all around Armin's features, as if searching for something. 

"...Class?" Eren only mouths the word, a sound barely escaping his lips.

Armin nods. "You don't have to do this for me. I'll be okay. You can go home if you like."

Eren shakes his head, stubbornly persistent. No, he still wants to walk with Armin no matter what.

This is what leads to the two boys walking down the street together, feet splashing in stray puddles as the rain pounds down around them. They have to huddle close together in order for the small umbrella to fit both of them, and Eren can hear his heartbeat, rising up from beneath his chest.

They walk in silence, only the pattering of the rain filling the gaps between them. It is not until they wind up at a large, pale brown building that they stop and Armin speaks: "Here's my stop! Thank you for walking with me."

Eren peeks at Armin through the hair that falls in his face and quickly looks away, back at his hands, clutching the umbrella tightly, his knuckles turning white. Nobody has ever looked at Eren in such an indescribable way before, that makes butterflies rush through him in waves, leaving behind a tingly feeling from head to toe.

"Before I go, though..." Armin trails off, digging in his pocket. "Can we swap numbers? I want to talk to you...more often. I want to get to know you in other ways, too. If you're okay with it, of course. If not, I respect that."

Eren shakes his head, still avoiding eye contact, reaching for his phone, quickly entering his contact in. He hands it back as Armin does the same for Eren's phone, and then the blonde breathes a sigh of relief. He had been mulling this over throughout their entire walk, and it feels better to have it off of his chest.

Eren waves, smiling as enthusiastically as he can manage, and Armin waves back, blowing a kiss before he dashes away into the rain.

•     •     •

Eren is hunched over on a park bench, having abandoned his umbrella on the ground next to him. The rain has slowed down to a steady drizzle, and he hasn't returned home, instead listening intently as Mikasa's phone rings, and rings, and rings. He silently wills her to pick up, and as he does so, it happens, miraculously.

"Eren?" she says, worry laced into her tone. "Is everything okay?" He doesn't call her often, and usually it involves emergencies.

"M-Mikasa...c-can you come get me?" he murmurs weakly. "I-I'm at the park..."

"What's wrong? Are you okay? You sound upset."

"N-no, I'm not upset..." Eren trails off, tugging at the drawstrings on his hoodie. "Me and Armin...w-walked together, and h-had coffee..."

Mikasa squeals slightly on the other end. "Aw, you two went on a date! That's so cute." He hears the rustling of her coat, and then the jingling of her keys. "I'm leaving now. Keep talking to me."

Eren balances the phone in the crook between his ear and his shoulder as he starts a rough sketch. Birds squawk behind him and leaves scrape the sidewalk as the wind blows, but he still remains calm and unfazed, beginning to explain his interactions with Armin.

"M-my chest feels funny," he whispers. "I-in a good way."

Mikasa chuckles knowingly. Her voice grows a bit more distant as she puts him on speaker, starting to drive. "You like him. That's really cute."

"I'm a little scared?" Eren's hand twitches at his own words, and his grip on his pencil grows shaky as he continues to sketch, shading one of Armin's eyebrows. "I've n-never liked someone b-before. I mean, not anyone wh-who's noticed my existence..." He is referring to Jean, which had just been a silly crush anyway. It never meant as much as this does, despite only knowing Armin a short time. The time they spend together is meaningful, more meaningful than any interaction Eren has ever had with anyone close to his age.

"Well, it's okay to be scared," Mikasa answers in a soothing tone, trying to ease Eren's anxiety. She can tell from his tone of voice that it's a bigger deal that he is letting on, and she doesn't want that tiny amount to spiral out of control. "It's a lot to handle, all at once since this is happening so quickly for you. I know you'll be okay, though. Just get to know him as a friend first. After that, the rest will come easy."

Eren doubts that anything social could ever possibly be "easy" for him, but he heeds her advice anyway. Her little yellow car pulls up a minute later, and he hangs up the phone as he climbs into the backseat, greeting Mikasa and Annie quietly.

The car ride back is short, but it allows Eren to reflect on many things. He considers what liking someone even means. He considers whether or not he can even handle the pressure of constant human interaction. His mind keeps drifting to Armin, however. Armin's voice, Armin's laugh, Armin's eyes, Armin's smile...above all, his unfailing kindness is his most beautiful quality. Maybe Armin will be worth it after all.


	4. Chapter 4

Every day, Eren receives a text from Armin.

The first time, Eren's hands trembled so badly that he almost dropped his phone, and he tried to consider an appropriate response to Armin's cheerful greeting.

Now, however, texting Armin is a comfort for Eren. No matter how he is feeling and what time of day it is, he and the blonde correspond.

Two weeks have passed since their first meeting on the roof, and they have encountered each other in that very spot a few other times. Eren is improving immensely in his drawing of the human form, and his sketchbook is filling up with sketches of Armin—Armin from the side, Armin standing up, Armin sitting down, Armin laughing, Armin serious, _Armin_. Aside from spending time with the boy, Eren's favorite pastime is drawing him.

Apart from this, they are growing closer. Eren can talk more freely when he's with Armin now, and Armin loves hearing his voice, and how excited he gets when he can speak without a stutter. As much as Eren insists that Armin is beautiful, Armin finds Eren beautiful too. He especially loves Eren's eyes, since he has heterochromia. One of his eyes is brown, with flecks of gold, and the other is a striking turquoise. Armin also loves Eren's messy head of chocolate hair, and his caramelly skin tone, and the way his eyes scrunch up in focus when he starts to sketch. Armin appreciates every little thing about Eren, so much so that it's overwhelming.

The brunette boy feels like he can breathe again when the bell for the end of seventh period rings, signifying the beginning of Thanksgiving break. He dashes out of the building and heads down the block to his apartment building.

Eren is at Mikasa's apartment with her and Annie that same day when the ebony-haired girl approaches him where he sits, handing him a green tea.

"Eren, I want to tell you something," she says carefully, as he begins to sip the liquid. He keeps his eyes trained on her, nodding slowly.

"Annie and I are going to visit her family for Thanksgiving, 'cause it's been so long and they really want to meet me. We're going to drive, so we'll be gone for three days, or a little more. I just wanted to let you know now..."

Eren lowers his gaze, clutching the bottle tightly in his hands. Noticing his reaction, Mikasa begins to say, "You can come with if you want—"

"No, I'll be okay," Eren murmurs. He has seen enough to know when he's not wanted. He isn't going to interrupt his sister's alone time with her girlfriend. "Go ahead."

"You'll be okay...eating with Dad?" There is apprehension in her tone, and Eren shrugs, masking his disappointment with the nonchalant gesture.

"Whatever. It's a dumb holiday anyway," he grumbles.

"I promise I'll call you everyday," she says, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. There is very obvious guilt in her tone. "I'm sorry to spring this on you so quick. It was kind of a last minute decision."

Eren rolls his eyes, standing up and shaking off her grip. "It's _fine_ , Mikasa," he sighs, striding away because he doesn't want to be bothered anymore.

Eren leaves shortly after that, anger brewing in his gut. He knows it's selfish to be wishing for his sister to stay with him, but he feels betrayed. He and Mikasa cook together every year, since their dad doesn't do anything to help, and he loves that tradition. Now, though, she's abandoning him, and leaving him alone with his father.

In his dismay, Eren locks himself in his room and starts to angrily sketch until his emotions are released onto the paper. His phone buzzes on the bed beside him, and he snatches it up, hoping desperately for a text from Armin.

His heart leaps in excitement when he sees who it is. Before he can get a chance to read the message or respond, there is a knock on his bedroom door.

"Eren, open up this door. I need to speak to you," Grisha's voice booms.

Eren scrambles to open the door, stumbling backwards as it swings open with a vengeance. But Grisha is not angry, his stern manner simply giving him an intimidating gait.

"I'm taking a trip," he informs the brunette boy. "I'll be back in a week's time. For...business purposes." He clears his throat awkwardly. "I'm leaving tomorrow morning. I trust you can handle things here..."

Eren nods wordlessly, even though the prospect of having to be home alone until Mikasa comes back is terrifying. His father leaves him, and he swipes up his phone again, eyes reading over the new message.

**Hey! :) How are you?**

Eren sighs, deciding to be honest. **not great. my dad and sis are leaving. so idk, I guess I'll be alone for the next few days**

**Oh no :( that really sucks, I'm sorry**

**it's fine**

A minute passes with no conversation between them, and Eren studies the enraged scribbles on his page, scoffing at how sloppy is work is when he is this distressed.

Then he gets another notification. This time, he is surprised at the contents of the message.

**I don't know if you find this strange, but I'm going to be with my grandfather all this week, and if you're going to be alone, maybe you would like to spend the holiday with us? You can stay over if you would like, but only if you're comfortable with it. I just figured I should extend the invitation. I understand if you decline.**

Eren's heart picks up speed at this. Armin is so nice, and though the prospect of sleeping at someone's house makes a wave of nausea surge through his gut, he would much prefer it to spending his nights alone. And so somehow, he finds himself typing, **thank you so much. that would be awesome, I'll totally come as long as I'm not intruding**

**Of course not!** Armin responds quickly. **You can come by tomorrow, I'll let my grandfather know but he won't mind! Can't wait :)**

Eren falls asleep that night as close to content as he possibly can be, both excited and scared at the prospect of spending his next few nights with Armin.

The following day arrives, and Eren is standing at the doorstep of Armin's apartment, waiting impatiently for him to answer the door so they can drive to his grandfather's place.

Then the door swings open, revealing the blonde boy with his hair swept back away from his face with tiny blue clips. He beams upon seeing Eren, who blushes and chews his lip, training his gaze to the dingy red carpeting that lines the hallway instead. No matter how comfortable he gets when they text, talking to Armin face-to-face is still incredibly difficult.

"Hey!" Armin greets him cheerfully, and he manages to redirect his gaze to the blonde and take notice of his oversized purple sweatshirt and gray skinny jeans. Eren is wearing something similar, except in all black. His mouth twitches up in an awkward smile, and he follows Armin down the stairs and out the door, to his small, silver car.

The drive to his grandfather's place is only a few minutes, filled with Armin discussing his studies and Eren listening intently, resting his cheek on his palm as he stares out the window at the blur of buildings and people that pass by.

Armin helps Eren carry his stuff up the few, steep steps that lead to the quaint house that belongs to Armin's grandfather. They stand and wait in the cool air, standing a comfortable distance apart, but close enough to show that they are fairly acquainted. They are greeted by a short old man with a weathered, gray face and wispy hair. He stares at Armin through thick-rimmed glasses, wearing an expression of disbelief, before he breaks out into an earnest grin and yanks the boy into his arms.

"I've missed you, my boy," he says, squeezing Armin tightly against his chest. The blonde laughs, returning the gesture as he rests his head atop the old man's. "I missed you too, Grandfather," he replies.

They step inside, and Eren peers around, taking notice of the sweet lavender smell that surrounds them, as well as the countless pictures hanging on the walls. Many of them are a small boy with yellow hair and a bright smile, who Eren could only conclude to be the taller, more matured boy who stands before him now. His lips quirk up in a smile at seeing these childhood pictures.

"Is this Eren?" a voice booms, startling the brunette out of his observations. He turns to the elderly man, eyes wide with the sudden onslaught of anxiety that the situation brings.

"Yes, this is him," Armin answers on his behalf, and Eren feels him grip his elbow with a feather-light touch, in a comforting gesture to calm his suddenly erratic breathing. "He's really happy to be here. We're going to go to my room, okay? We both have a lot of stuff to put away."

"Okay." The old man nods, sending Eren a warm smile as the brunette passes, following closely behind Armin. Eren tries his best to return it.

They proceed down a short hallway until they reach a white door, and Armin enters, throwing his stuff down onto the sky blue carpet immediately. Eren stands in the doorway for a moment, taking in his surroundings. Most of the room decorations reflect Armin's personality accurately, like the posters adorning the walls on different constellations and things in space, as well as of a few bands he likes. Everything is neat and meticulously organized, the blinds half-drawn to allow some light to filter into the room.

"You can sit, if you want," Armin offers, patting the space beside him on his bed. Eren is finding it hard to be comfortable, his palms sweaty as he still clutches his bags and his pillow pet in his arms. "And you can set your stuff down anywhere. I'll let you use a drawer to store some of your clothes."

Eren nods, complying with Armin's requests as he drops his things and takes a hesitant seat on top of the navy blue comforter, sinking gingerly into the soft mattress. He draws his knees up to his chest and sticks his chin in between, huddling into himself.

"Doing okay?" Armin inquires gently, and Eren glances over to peek at his cerulean eyes, filled with kindness for him alone.

"Yeah," Eren whispers, blushing into his knees.

"Let me know if you need anything, okay?"

"M-hm." The brunette boy's eyes flutter shut. 

Some time later, Eren wakes and finds himself laying on his side underneath the blankets on Armin's bed. He doesn't remember falling asleep, nor covering himself with the warm blankets. He shrugs it off and sits up, stretching out and blinking drowsily as his eyes adjust to the darkening room.

He figures they may be preparing dinner, or it may be ready, so he ventures out of Armin's room, walking delicately down the hallway, socked feet barely making a sound. It's eerily quiet, except for the ticking of a clock on the wall across the way. And then Eren hears them. The voices.

"Have you been taking these?" It's Armin's grandfather, and he's close by, presumably in the kitchen that is next to where Eren is walking. He freezes, body seized up by the sudden voice, and stops right in his tracks.

"No, and I don't need to. I've been feeling a lot better lately." Eren recognizes Armin's voice, and now he really feels like he is intruding on a private conversation. He wants to turn back, but his limbs are stiff, locking him in place in the darkened hallway.

"The last time you said that, you got bad again," Armin's grandfather continues, desperation laced in his tone. "Armin, please. I'm worried about you."

"I'll be fine!" the boy insists, rather indignantly. "Now can we just have a nice few days without talking about my problems?"

There is silence then, and Armin huffs. "I'm going to go wake up Eren."

Panic rises in the brunette, who scrambles for Armin's room, suddenly able to move. Before he is able to reach the door, however, Armin is in the hallway: "Eren! You're awake!"

Eren tries for a smile, his chest constricting as the boy across the way bounds over to him. "Are you hungry? I was going to pick up some food, do you want to come with me?"

"Er—o-okay," he stammers.

The two boys return triumphantly with bags of takeout shortly after this, and the three of them proceed to eat in relative silence. There is an unspoken tension between Armin and his grandfather, and Eren feels trapped in the middle of it.

Immediately following dinner, Eren rushes to take a shower, breathing a sigh of relief when the door clicks shut and he is away from the situation. Dinner was needlessly stressful.

Eren showers strangely, sitting underneath the water as it pours above him. It drips steadily down his body and washes away the soap into the drain. There is something Eren finds oddly calming about this ritual, and he stays like this until the skin on his fingers starts to wrinkle. Then he dries off and throws on another black sweatshirt and black, more form-fitting sweatpants, too self-conscious to wear a t-shirt and shorts in front of Armin.

When he returns to the blonde's room, he finds Armin seated on his bed, a dejected expression on his face as he twirls a strand of hair around his finger. Upon the brunette's entrance, however, he brightens.

"Hey!" he exclaims. "I put all of your clothes into one of my spare drawers, if that's okay, and then the rest of your stuff is in the closet. I hope you don't mind."

"Oh...th-thank you," Eren replies with a shy smile, a bit concerned about the state he found Armin in but pushing it to the back of his mind once the blonde pats the space on the bed beside him.

Eren clutches his bumblebee pillow pet to his chest, staring at the round button eyes and cartoonish smile on the cotton face. There is a delicate touch on his shoulder, and he snaps his eyes over to Armin. He wears an earnest expression of concern, deep blue eyes filled with care.

"Are you feeling okay? I mean...if this whole arrangement is too much for you, and you want to go home, I can drive you. You just seem really tense and I don't want you to feel that way."

Eren bites his lip, shaking his head. He retrains his gaze to the pillow, voice shaky as he speaks. "It's nothing," he whispers. "I-I'm just...tired. And I-I...I miss my sister." It sounds silly when he says it out loud, and he feels childish. He's sixteen, and so dependent on his sister that her leaving on a short trip causes him this much loneliness. But that's not all that's on his mind. The guilt from eavesdropping on Armin and his grandfather's previous conversation is weighing heavily on his chest, but he can't seem to find the words to tell him. He doesn't know if he _should_ tell him.

"That's okay," Armin says, even though he knows there are other things bothering him. His body language reads as uncomfortable, even if he says he isn't. He decides to steer away from the subject, and try and cheer him up. "I was wondering...do you ever wear colorful clothes?"

Eren looks up at this, because it is such an innocent question, and Armin seems to genuinely ponder the answer, so much so that a tiny grin appears amongst Eren's distraught features.

"No, n-not really," he says.

"Why not?"

"I...I prefer to blend in," he admits, smiling sheepishly down at his black clothes.

Armin smiles, shaking his head. He stands, heading over to his closet. "I think you would look amazing if you wore colors," he continues, rifling around in his closet. "Like...this." He tosses a red plaid flannel in Eren's direction, and the brunette catches it, studying it quizzically.

"This would look cute on you," Armin explains, gesturing to the garment in his hands. Eren feels his face flush at the word "cute," and he mumbles an inaudible response, running his fingers along the soft material.

Armin sighs, settling back into his place again. He has come down from his excitement over Eren wearing colorful clothing, and now he is leaned back against the pillows, his eyes closed and his face falling into an expression of exhaustion.

"Um...um—" Eren cuts himself off, tugging on Armin's sleeve to get his attention. The blonde's eyes flutter open, a small smile curling his pink lips.

"Y-you wanna sleep?" he questions, his hands fidgeting in his lap. Armin shakes his head, locks of blonde hair falling in his face. "Not really," he answers, swiping away the stray hairs with a free hand. "I would rather talk to you."

Armin knows, by now, that Eren often struggles with falling asleep. His plan is to talk to Eren until he gets worn out, and is able to rest easily. Then he can sleep on the couch, and let the brunette boy sleep in his bed.

The two boys sit in silence for a few moments, and then Armin speaks. They continue to chat until they are both sleepy, although Armin has done a great job masking his exhaustion. He grabs a pillow and a blanket and bunches them up in his arms.

"You can lie down," Armin says gently, as Eren burrows himself in the blankets on the bed. Armin adjusts the pillows underneath his head to a more comfortable expression. "All good?" Eren nods, blinking slowly as he yawns.

"Okay." He leans down, pressing a kiss to Eren's temple. "Good night then."

The brunette, too worn out to be flustered at Armin's affection, mumbles a good night back before settling down into sleep. 

Armin waits until his eyes shut and his body relaxes, and then he is snoring in an instant, softly and slowly.

The blonde proceeds outside of the room, switching off the lights before he makes his way through the darkness and flops down onto the couch. Huddling into his blanket to avoid the cold air outside of his room, he sighs, closing his eyes, and succumbs to sleep once again.


	5. Chapter 5

Armin wakes to the sound and smell of sizzling bacon and a gentle poking in his shoulder. His eyes flutter open to reveal Eren, messy chocolate hair falling in his eyes and a lopsided grin decorating his features.

"G-good morning," he whispers, minty breath tickling Armin's cheek. The blonde smiles, pushing himself up to get a better look at the brunette boy. To his pleased surprise, Eren stands before him, adorned in the red plaid flannel from the night before, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He also wears black, ripped skinny jeans, and neon green socks that Armin recognizes as his own. He looks so cute, so incredibly cute...

Armin cuts off his train of thought, yawning as he kicks the blankets off of himself. "You're wearing the shirt!" he exclaims, his smile widening as Eren blushes, holding his hands behind his back. "It looks amazing on you."

"Th-th-thank you," Eren mumbles shyly, staring down at the carpet. "I-I thought y-you'd like it."

"I love it!" The blonde is beaming now, his ocean eyes wide in excitement. "You can have it, if you want." He stands, clapping his hands together and startling Eren a bit. "What's for breakfast?"

Armin greets his grandfather warmly, enveloping him in an embrace that he hopes conveys his apology. The old man returns it, patting Armin's shoulder knowingly, as if to say, _I could never stay mad at you._ The three sit down to a relaxed breakfast, Eren chomping down on bacon and pancakes at a rapid rate.

"Eren, would you like to help me cook later?" Armin's grandfather asks him, as he downs a glass of chocolate milk. "Armin will be helping too, of course."

The boy looks up, eyes wide in surprise at the notion. He nods quickly, eager at the invitation.

"Great. Armin told me that you usually cook with your sister. I hope this makes up for it." The old man winks and smiles kindly, and Eren returns the smile as best he can, face flushing in embarrassment. He wants to thank him, and is a bit frustrated that he can't, and so he continues eating his pancake instead.

After breakfast, Mr. Arlert assigns Eren the task of chopping potatoes to eventually make mashed potatoes, before quickly realizing that he doesn't have everything he needs. He flees the house to take a trip to the store, forgetting to give Armin a job. The blonde goes to his room once his grandfather leaves, giving Eren some alone time. He doesn't want the brunette feeling smothered by the constant presence of other people.

Once Armin is alone, he sighs, flopping onto his bed. Eren has tugged the blankets into somewhat of a presentable appearance, and Armin is tempted to curl into a ball and nap, undeniably exhausted. However, he knows his grandfather will be back soon, and he will need to help in the cooking process. Instead, he picks up his phone, scrolling through social media to ease his bored mind.

It doesn't help to counteract his boredom, and he sighs, sitting up. Music is drifting from the kitchen, which piques Armin's curiosity. He decides to give Eren some help while his grandfather is at the store, and so he gets up, making his way to the kitchen.

Armin realizes from the slightly staticky quality of the music that his grandfather's old radio is switched on in the kitchen, tuned to a station that is playing older songs. Armin enters to find Eren, back turned as he slices potatoes. His hips are swaying slightly along to the music. Just the Way You Are by Billy Joel is playing, and Eren is singing along softly, voice low and gravelly. Armin is so astonished by the quiet melodies that he freezes in the doorway, watching in silent admiration for the boy. His heart swells with emotion for him, and his peaceful and simple enjoyment of the song. He has never seen Eren so relaxed and comfortable before, except when he's asleep.

The song ends, and Eren is silent again, dumping the chopped potatoes into the pot on the stove. He sets to work peeling another one, and in that instant Armin enters, as if he hasn't been in the doorway for the past three minutes.

"Need some help?" he asks kindly, and Eren jumps, spinning around to face Armin as the potato peeler lands on the counter with a clatter. "Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," the blonde says apologetically, and Eren smiles awkwardly, shrugging as he begins his work again. Hooked on a Feeling is playing now, filling the gaps of silence between them. Eren peels his potato slowly, hand shaking slightly with the motion. Armin hoists himself up onto the counter, and to ease Eren's sudden tension, he is speaking again.

"Do you like this song?" he asks, swinging his legs along to the beat.

Eren nods, a tiny smile making its way onto his face. He is staring intently at what he is doing, hair falling in his face.

"Me too. Do you like a lot of this kind of music?"

Eren nods to this too, something new in his smile that Armin doesn't recognize from any smile he has ever seen Eren wear before. He studies him in fascination, before Eren notices him staring and catches Armin's gaze, face ruby red and flustered. The blonde looks away quickly, back to his striped socks and baby blue skinny jeans.

Eren finishes peeling and begins to chop, and Armin offers to do it, but Eren shakes his head. Instead, the blonde watches him as he cuts the potato meticulously, avoiding tiny mistakes here and there.

"Hey, have you ever watched Cosmos?" Armin inquires after a long period of silence, and Eren stops his cutting, considering the answer.

He shakes his head.

"It's really good," Armin continues. "It's essentially about space, if that much wasn't clear. And it has Neil deGrasse Tyson, and it's pretty great, if you wanted to watch it with me later..."

His hints are not subtle at all, since he is basically outright asking. Eren chuckles at this, dumping the next batch of chopped potato into the pot. "O-okay," he agrees, with a grin.

By the time Armin's grandfather returns, Eren is done with the potatoes, much to the old man's pleasure. He briefly scolds Armin for not helping, to which the blonde rolls his eyes and insists that he didn't know _what_ to help with. The banter is light-hearted, however, and Eren enjoys watching the dynamic between grandfather and grandson.

A few hours later, the three stand proudly before heaping plates of food. Eren definitely sets a record with the amount of food he devours, and sprawls out on the living room couch afterwards, so full he can barely move. Armin sits beside him on the other end, ruffling Eren's hair gently.

"Good day?" he asks. The brunette nods, smiling as he nudges his head against Armin's thigh in an affectionate gesture.

They remain like this for a while, watching movies with Armin's grandfather until around nine, when the old man bids the two boys good night and heads off to bed.

Armin bounces up from his seat, retrieving the remote as he sticks a disk into the DVD player. "I have the whole series," he begins. He has obviously seen it a million times, and Eren smiles at this, feeling content at Armin's happiness. They settle next to each other, and as Neil deGrasse Tyson's voice booms from the TV, Eren feels his eyelids droop, sleepiness taking over. Not wanting to offend Armin by dozing off within the first few minutes, he sits up straight and rubs at his eyes, determinedly pay close attention.

"Isn't it so cool, Eren?" Armin whispers, and the glare from the screen illuminates his face, exposing his awestruck features. "I mean, we're part of a huge world, in a huge solar system, in a huge galaxy, in a huge universe...everything seems so insignificant when you think of it that way! And all of the _stars_..." He is gesturing wildly, hands waving about as he speaks about something he is so passionate about.

"I-I guess it is p-pretty cool," Eren mumbles, biting his lip to hide a grin. "Star boy."

Armin looks up in surprise at this nickname, amusement crossing his darkened features. "What did you just call me?" he quizzes, tilting his head as a playful grin spreads across his cheeks.

Eren giggles into the sleeve of his hoodie. "S-star boy," he murmurs into the fabric.

The blonde laughs, softer than a gentle breeze. "I like that," he whispers. "I'll have to think of one for you."

By the time the episode ends, Eren can barely keep his eyes open. Armin steers him off to bed, tucking him in and pressing a lingering kiss to his temple. Then he leaves, setting up his makeshift bed on the couch once again before rolling over into sleep.

• • •

Eren startles awake, heart pounding. He doesn't know what time it is, but the room is swallowed in darkness. He can't stop his racing heart, clutching his chest with trembling hands. He flicks the light on, fumbling around for his phone so he can text his sister. He can't find it, however, and he feels his breathing shorten even further, until a thought occurs to him. Armin.

Bursting out of the room, he shakes Armin's shoulder frantically. The blonde sits up quickly, rubbing his eyes. "Eren?" he groans, smoothing his hair out of his eyes. "Are you okay?"

Eren shakes his head, struggling to breathe. Armin stands, taking Eren's hands. "You're alright, you're alright, you're alright," he keeps repeating in a soothing tone, as he guides Eren back to his bedroom. Seating Eren on the bed, he follows suit, lacing his fingers in Eren's in a comforting gesture. The brunette squeezes tightly as his panic subsides and ebbs away, leaving him quiet and wide awake.

The two boys are still holding hands, but Eren does not pull away, instead shifting closer to Armin and resting his head on his shoulder, sighing softly. Eren's breath tickles the tip of Armin's ear, and he massages the back of Eren's hand with his thumb. They remain in contented silence, Armin giving Eren a moment to regain his composure.

"S-sorry," Eren sniffles after a while, finally pulling his hand away to wipe at his eyes.

"You don't have anything to apologize for," Armin says in gentle reassurance. "Feeling better?"

He nods, soft hair brushing against Armin's neck with the motion. "C-can y-you stay in h-here?" he requests, voice small and broken.

"Alright," Armin agrees, ignoring the tiny rush of butterflies through his stomach. This is nothing romantic, this is Eren needing platonic companionship. He has to keep reminding himself of this.

Eren lays on his side, curling up with his pillow pet in his arms, pressed against his chest. Armin runs fingers through his hair, humming a song softly to himself. He expects to hear Eren's breathing slow and soften as he eases into sleep, but this does not happen. Instead, Eren reaches out, poking Armin's thigh.

"What's wrong?" the blonde inquires, staring down at Eren in genuine concern.

The brunette's brow scrunches up, along with the rest of his features. "I can't sleep," he replies, sounding quite annoyed with this fact. Armin notices his lack of a stutter, but doesn't think it the best time to point this out. Instead, he persists: "Why not?"

"S-stuff's bothering me," he mumbles into his shirtsleeve, swiping a hand over his face in exhaustion.

"Stuff like?"

"Stuff like...e-everything." Eren sighs again, resignedly, tucking his face away so Armin won't see.

"Do you need to talk about it?"

Armin's offer is so gentle and sincere, and the brunette curls his hand into a fist, holding his breath before he speaks.

"I-I guess."

"Okay." The blonde pats Eren's back beneath the covers. "Go ahead."

"W-well..." The brunette sighs in slight exasperation, trying again. "I-I don't know, I just...m-my dad...h-he goes on these trips s-sometimes and I-I don't know where he goes...a-and s-sometimes I f-feel guilty...because...b-because I used t-to get into fights with th-the boys at school...'cause th-they like to piss m-me off...I get a-angry easily, and m-my mom used t-to tell me—"

This is where he stops, cutting himself off abruptly. He becomes deadly silent, shaking his head as if dismissing the subject. "N-never mind. I'm t-tired. Sorry f-for waking y-you up." His words are getting smaller, more scrambled and choked up in his throat. Eventually he can utter no more words, and Armin is a bit startled by the sudden change.

"Eren...I'll stay with you, okay?" the blonde assures him, still wondering about what has brought about Eren's drastic shift from being completely open to closing himself off and shutting down.

Eren nods, running his fingers along the back of Armin's hand. He traces the veins, the soft skin brushing against his callused fingertips.

He doesn't sleep for a while, and as much as Armin would like to, he waits until Eren is sound asleep to even move from his spot. Instead of leaving, however, he makes a space for himself, burrowing underneath the blankets next to Eren, remaining at a safe distance. He drifts off immediately.

•     •     •

Break ends with no more similar incidents, and soon, Armin must return to his routine.

He delivers Eren to his sister's apartment, where he runs to the door and latches himself onto the taller, muscular girl, who laughs and squeezes him tightly in a hug. "I missed you," she says sweetly, as her brother unwinds his arms from around her, and directs a shy wave in Annie's direction. He is not nearly as affectionate with Annie.

Overwhelmed with the situation, Eren doesn't return the sentiment, and so she continues. "Did everything go okay? Where's Armin, I need to thank him."

As if on cue, the blonde arrives out of the shadows, revealing himself to Mikasa. He is wearing a presentable outfit: a lavender cardigan with a white top and gray skinny jeans and his flowery Vans, plus his yellow headband that pushes his bangs away from his face. She takes a moment to observe him; his golden blonde hair, and captivating, ocean blue eyes fascinating her. Mikasa studies him for a moment, flicking stray hair out of her eyes as she observes. He shrinks back a bit, finding her deadpan, stony stare a bit intimidating.

"Armin, right?" She extends a hand, finally, breaking out into a grin. "Thank you _so_ , so much for taking care of my brother. We both really appreciate it. And thanks for being so nice to him all this time. People aren't always nice to Eren? If there's anything I can do for you, let me know 'cause I am in debt to you. Okay? Thanks again."

Armin, surprised at her outpouring of thanks and emotion, nods. "Oh...you're welcome," he manages. "It was really no problem. I'm glad I could help, but don't feel like you owe me anything. I mean...spending time with Eren was enough." Upon hearing those words exit his mouth, Armin flushes crimson red, avoiding Mikasa's gaze. "Anyway...I should get going." He nods, tucking some hair back behind his ear. "Yeah...bye Eren."

Armin looks up to meet Eren's eyes for a brief moment, and the brunette smiles shyly, sending a timid wave as he starts to make his way towards the stairs. As he turns the corner, he sighs in relief, his pounding heart slowing, before disappearing from the building.

Upstairs, Mikasa is prying for details about Eren's stay with Armin, but the brunette is already busy at work, sketching madly in order to capture Armin's essence. He has the perfect mental image, and any distractions would cause him to lose it. And so he draws, and draws, and draws, never feeling a single worry as he does.


	6. Chapter 6

It's nearly Christmas, and Armin is standing in the middle of an aisle, surrounded by a multitude of colorful paints.

"Eren said he didn't have any watercolors. I'm going to get him watercolors," Armin is mumbling to himself. His grandfather stands nearby, amused at the blonde's persistence. They have been at the local arts and crafts store for over an hour, with Amin zipping in and out of the aisles with relentless energy. His basket is full of paintbrushes, drawing and colored pencils, and paints. His goal is to obtain the perfect present for Eren.

An employee walks by, noticing Armin's frenzied search. "Need some help finding something?" she inquires, and the blonde looks up, meeting her friendly gaze.

"Yes!" he exclaims. "What are the best watercolors you have in this entire store?"

Checking out, Armin glances over the items he has purchased, immensely satisfied. His grandfather chuckles and puts a hand on Armin's shoulder, touched at how much his grandson cares for his friend.

"Eren is a lucky boy," he remarks as they make their way out of the store.

Armin falls asleep that night bursting with excitement. Eren is spending Christmas with Mikasa and Annie (his dad is noticeably absent again), but the two boys have planned to spend Christmas Eve together. Eren has agreed that they can spend the day in the city, because Armin's company helps him to feel more comfortable in social situations. The blonde can't wait, having a million things planned for them to do together.

The following morning, Eren is lounging on the couch in Mikasa's apartment, munching on a piece of bacon. He is waiting, rather impatiently, for Armin's arrival. His sister and her girlfriend are sitting at the kitchen table, talking softly to one another.

"So, Eren," Annie begins, her tone playful as she addresses the brunette, "I heard you're going on a date today."

The brunette splutters and chokes on his bacon, coughing to rid himself of the sensation as Mikasa and Annie laugh. "I-it's not a date!" he protests.

"It definitely is," the blonde girl continues. "So in case you're thinking about kissing Armin..." She throws something tiny in Eren's direction, and it lands with a clatter right beside him. He picks it up, studying the small container of mints. He groans as Annie chuckles heartily.

There is a knock on the door that causes Eren to jump to his feet. Armin waits outside of the door, his leg bouncing anxiously. He can't wait to give Eren his gift, and the anticipation is _killing him..._

The door opens, and the two boys are stood face to face. Eren peeks up at Armin through the hair that falls in his face, smiling like a lovestruck idiot. The blonde boy returns the smile, holding the carefully-wrapped present in his arms. "Hi," he says simply. "May I come in?"

Eren nods, feeling especially shy. Armin is wearing red skinny jeans and a sweater with reindeer adorning it, tiny blue flowers woven through his hair. He is radiant, a glow about him that Eren can't seem to look away from. Eren has tried his best to look festive, in his red flannel, with a green shirt underneath it. The blonde steps inside, greeting Mikasa and Annie politely. They know him well, since he has become a frequent presence with the boys' blooming friendship.

Eren beckons the other male to sit with him, and they proceed to the couch, facing each other. Eren smiles awkwardly, stealing prolonged glimpses at the blonde as he collects himself.

"So...this is for you," Armin states, handing Eren the gift, which is a basket full of intricately-wrapped items. "I hope you like it, I know it's not super special or anything, but..."

Eren tears open the first item wordlessly, revealing it to be the watercolors that the salesperson helped Armin pick out. He looks up, meeting Armin's eyes for a moment, before moving onto the next item, which is a new set of drawing pencils. He does this until he arrives at the last one, which is a new sketchpad. It is much better quality than the one Eren currently owns and uses, plus he is running out of pages anyway. The brunette feels his heart skip a beat in his chest, staring at each thing Armin has bought for him.

"Thank you, Armin," Eren whispers. He is blushing immensely, biting his lip to hold back tears at the blonde's kindness. "I-I really, r-really love it."

"Oh, I'm so glad you do!" Armin breathes, entirely relieved.

"I...I have one for you, too."

Eren bounces up from his seat and darts from the room without warning, before returning with a large canvas. It is turned around, so that Armin cannot see what is expressed on it yet.

"U-um...h-here," Eren mumbles, slightly flustered as he places it in Armin's grasp. The blonde takes one look, and he is left breathless.

On the canvas is a portrait of two people, their backs turned and facing a brilliant sunset, the canvas brightened by the deep orange hues. One of the people is slightly shorter, golden hair falling to their shoulders. Beside them is a taller person adorned in all black, chocolate hair short and unruly. Armin recognizes the two figures as Eren and himself, and at the bottom, scrawled next to Eren's signature, is a date. _11/11/16._

"Eren...this is so beautiful," Armin marvels, his words coming out soft and awestruck. "You made this...just for me?"

The boy nods, staring intently at the floor.

"What's the date for?"

Still not looking up, Eren fidgets uncomfortably. "I-it was...it was—it w-was th-the day we met," he manages.

_Oh._

"That's so sweet," Armin continues, feeling his chest fill up with overwhelming, dizzying emotion as he watches the brunette boy curl into himself. "Eren...this is the best gift I've ever gotten. Thank you."

"I-it was nothing," Eren whispers.

Mikasa scoffs from across the room. "That boy stayed up full nights working on that for you. It was not nothing."

Eren directs a pointed glare in his sister's direction, to which she smiles apologetically. Eren tugs on Armin's sweater sleeve, speaking quietly. "W-we can go. I-I'm getting hungry."

"Okay," the blonde agrees, with an amused smile, because he knows Eren just ate. "We should be back by nine," he informs Mikasa and Annie, who nod and encourage them to be safe. The two boys proceed from the building, venturing out into the city.

The streets are clogged with people, forming a thick barrier that must be wedged through forcefully for those walking in the opposite direction. Unfortunately, Eren doesn't do well with crowds, and so he is clinging to Armin's arm tight enough to leave bruises, eyes squeezed shut to avoid the nausea that swells within him each time they shove past another person. His discomfort grows with each passing minute, the noise and chaos of the situation bombarding his senses. Armin finally pulls him aside, away from the steady stream of people. He takes Eren's hands as the brunette allows his eyes to slowly open, observing his surroundings.

"Hey...you're okay," Armin says gently, his soothing tone and light touch enough to bring Eren down from his rising panic. "We can take a break, if you want. Maybe get some lunch?"

Eren nods, tracing his gaze over Armin's pale hands, the milky white skin contrasting with Eren's darker, deeper-toned hue. Tears are stinging his eyes, but he doesn't want Armin to see, feeling stupid for getting so upset over simply walking down the street.

"When you're ready to go, just say the word, okay? It's no rush, we can stand here for as long as you need to."

Eren squeezes Armin's fingers in a silent thanks, biting his lip as one of the tears drips down his cheek. He sniffs, catching it with his sleeve. _Stupid, stupid crying..._

Fortunately, Armin doesn't ridicule him for this, dabbing at Eren's tear-stained cheeks with the sleeve of his coat. The wooly material scrapes against Eren's dry skin as he does. "Come on, we'll go in there, okay?" Armin gestures to the place down the way, which is only a bit more walking for Eren.

They arrive at one of Armin's favorite little cafes, where they eat tiny sandwiches and drink bubble tea. Eren is already feeling a lot better by now, warmth coursing through him despite the chill of the air outside and the slushy snow lining the streets. They enjoy each other's company in relative silence, besides the occasional comment by Armin. Looking on the brunette then, in his tender and shy state, all Armin wants to do is rain endless affection upon him. He is so undeniably beautiful, with his bright, mismatched eyes and the way he bites his lip when he's nervous and hides blushes behind his hands. Armin's heart beats harder for him, in his quiet innocence in that moment, framed by the glow of the lights above him.

A radio station is playing miscellaneous songs softly over the speakers. One song fades out and transitions into the next, and Eren perks up, presumably recognizing a song he likes. By now, Armin has grown accustomed to Eren's odd love of old music, so he figures this is nothing new. However, this particular song isn't one Eren has mentioned before, piano introduction ringing out quietly throughout the empty cafe.

Eren smiles, and it illuminates the room.

_Holy shit._

Anything that makes Eren smile that wide is worth more than the entire world.

"What song is this?" Armin asks, awestruck as the brunette boy lets his chocolate hair fall in his eyes as he sips his drink.

"U-um...it's m-my favorite," the boy mumbles, residual traces of a smile dancing across his features. "I-it's called Tiny Dancer."

Armin grins, his heart humming happily in his chest. "If it's your favorite, how come you never told me about it?"

He blushes, crimson flush traveling the expanse of his cheeks. "B-because, its s-stupid," he mumbles, stirring the tapioca at the bottom to avoid looking at the blonde.

"It's not stupid, Eren. The things you like aren't stupid."

"I guess n-not." Eren glances up briefly, a rare, almost cocky smirk teasing at his lips. "Y-you should know, star boy."

Armin gasps, partly in genuine surprise and partly in mock-offense at the comment. Eren leans back in his chair, in a fit of laughter at Armin's reaction, and inability to form an appropriate verbal response. " _Eren!_ " he protests, unable to keep from laughing himself, mostly because the brunette's hearty laughter is so contagious.

Eventually they both wind down, Eren in substantially lifted spirits as they exit the cafe to visit some shops. Eren holds onto Armin's arm again, wanting to hold his hand but too nervous to do so.

As they make their way down the crowded sidewalk, Armin huddled close to the taller boy, he spots it, stopping in his tracks.

A bookstore.

"Eren we _have_ to stop there!" Armin insists, ignoring the way people shove past him in annoyance. Eren's lips quirk up in a smile, and he nods, so they wade though the sea of people, crossing the street to get to the bookstore.

Armin bounces a bit on his heels as they walk inside, thrilled and already feeling at home when surrounded by all of the books lining the shelves. The smell of the worn paper fills his nostrils, and he parks himself in front of the nonfiction science books, rubbing his hands together in excitement.

Eren kneels beside him, chuckling softly. Books aren't really his thing; words don't always come as easily as the broad strokes of his pencil. He watches with fascination as Armin hungrily takes in the words, absorbing information like a sponge.

They end up spending two hours in that bookstore, Eren mostly finding enjoyment in Armin's excitement. They have visited nearly every section, and in the end they both settle for a few books amongst themselves. Even Eren has found something that sparks his interest.

Eren and Armin pass the time for the remainder of the day in some more shops, browsing clothes and little trinkets and plushies. They do this until they are standing in a store when Eren's stomach growls, and they are struck with the realization that they haven't eaten in hours.

"Alright, so where do you want to eat?" Armin asks. The streets are less busy now, the skies beginning to darken.

"I-I want pasta," Eren pipes up. This leads them to dine in a relatively casual Italian restaurant, Armin insisting he pay. His grandfather had given him his Christmas gift (a bunch of cash) in order to indulge himself on this very outing. Eren devours a large bowl of spaghetti while Armin just barely finishes his much smaller portion, laughing at how ravenous the brunette was.

They still have a bit of time left before Armin's promised return time, when a lightbulb goes off in his head.

"Hey Eren!" he exclaims, stopping his walking and turning to the other boy. "Have you ever been ice skating?"

Snow is beginning to fall, delicate snowflakes landing on Eren's coat, and the ends of his eyelashes. He shakes his head.

"Do you want to?"

Eren shrugs, smiling shyly. "U-um...s-sure," he agrees, his eyes brightening with the prospect.

Ten minutes later, Eren stands before Armin in his sneakers, watching as the blonde laces up his rented ice skates. He wants to put his on, as he clutches them in his hands, but he is nervous, hands trembling uncontrollably. There are a decent amount of other people skating as well, which intensifies his anxiety. But then Armin peers up at him, and he finds solace in the oceans of his eyes.

"Eren, are you okay?" he asks gently, voice soft despite the din of the city around them. "We don't have to do this if you don't want to."

"I-I want to," he insists. "I...I just...I-I-I'm nervous...about falling..."

"You won't fall." Armin stands, steady on his feet as he steps backwards onto the ice. "I won't let you."

Eren blushes as he fiddles with the laces after he pulls the skates on, nodding because he can't form a verbal response to this sentiment.

He stands on shaky legs, focusing on Armin's hands, which are outstretched to him. "Trust me," the blonde says, smiling encouragingly.

The minute Eren steps towards him, he loses his balance and nearly falls forward, diving into Armin's arms. He clings to the blonde's shoulders desperately, heart pounding against his chest. A tiny laugh spills from his lips, and Armin returns this, so close he can feel the warmth of his breath against his ear.

"That's okay," Armin whispers. "We can try again. Stand upright, and take my hands."

Eren obeys this, removing his grip from Armin's shoulders to his hands, clutching them tightly. His legs are wobbly on the ice, and he bites his lip, frigid air freezing his breaths before him as he breathes heavily.

"Feeling steady?" Armin asks him, to which Eren nods reluctantly. At this, Armin removes one hand, and Eren proceeds to take his unaccompanied hand and clutch their still-joined hands in a flurry of panic. "You're doing fine, don't worry," the blonde giggles, rosy red cheeks glowing brighter with his laughter. "Alright, I'm going to go, slowly..."

Armin begins to glide forward, skates scraping the ice lightly. Eren follows suit, still feeling shaky and unsure but somewhat grounded thanks to Armin's composure. Then he begins to speed up, and pretty soon, they are racing down the ice, Eren holding on tightly but smiling with glee. _This is fun_ , he thinks.

Eventually, Armin is able to ease his hand away completely, and Eren glides along by himself for a bit before nearly falling again. Luckily, Armin is close by his side to catch him, and this time he rams into the side wall, losing his own balance with the force of Eren's fall. The two boys break out into laughter, holding onto each other as they share in the moment. Their laughter winds down and Eren doesn't want to pull away from Armin's warm grasp, burying his face in the soft, blonde hair and sighing contentedly. He usually isn't this comfortable with human contact, but this just feels right.

Eventually he lets go, and he gets the hang of skating, to the point where they end up staying much longer than they intend to. Then Armin notices it's nearing nine, and not wanting to disappoint Eren's sister, he decides to take Eren home.

Armin checks the time as they march up the stairs to Mikasa's apartment. _8:49._ Eren crunches on a mint, breaking the silence that resides between the two.

Arriving inside with Eren's designated key, they find no trace of Mikasa or Annie. Eren leads him into his room, the designated till he always stays in when he comes over, and they sit on Eren's bed and chat for a bit.

Then Armin yawns, stretching his arms above his head. "This is going to sound lame but I'm exhausted. I should go home," Armin says, with an apologetic smile. It's just a little after nine, and Eren nods in agreement, pretty wiped out from the day too.

The two boys stand, and Eren locks eyes with the blonde's sapphire eyes, before he flushes, training his gaze to the floor as he bites his lip.

"Good night, Eren," Armin whispers, and suddenly he is very close, close enough for Eren to look up and see that the other make is standing slightly on his tiptoes. Before he knows what is happening, Armin places a soft, lingering kiss on his cheek that makes butterflies rush through Eren's entire body in waves, leaving a tingly feeling in their wake.

"Merry Christmas," Armin says, before he flits out the door and disappears with a click.


	7. Chapter 7

Eren is avoiding Armin.

They haven't fought, and no awkward moments have occurred. However, after their day together on Christmas Eve, Eren's heart is overflowing with feelings he can't contain. So he is sitting his room, scribbling them away in his notebook.

_I'll never show this to him_ , he thinks, pointedly.

There is a knock on Eren's bedroom door, and he nearly jumps out of his skin.

"Eren, let me in," a voice says. It's Annie.

"It's unlocked," he calls back.

The door opens a sliver, revealing the girl. Locks of yellow hair are falling in her face, the rest of it swept up into a messy bun. She slides inside without opening the door any wider, taking a seat on the end of Eren's bed.

"Hey, my dude," Annie greets the boy, who is hugging his notebook to his chest as he watches her. "So..." She trails off, sighing as she drums on her thigh. "Armin is here?"

Eren's eyes widen, shock seizing his body. "Wh-what?! No! T-tell him to go away!"

Annie shrugs, squinting her icy blue eyes as she grimaces. "He's wondering if you're okay. You haven't answered his texts in three days?" She pauses, waiting for an answer, but when she receives none, she continues. "Eren...do you need to talk about something? Is something going on?"

The brunette boy scoffs, tightening the strings on his hoodie to pull his hood even tighter around his head. "Th-there...there isn't a-anything wrong. I'm fine."

Annie lifts an eyebrow, frowning at the boy in a way that makes him cave. "Come on, you can tell me. I won't even tell Mikasa if you don't want me to."

"She already knows."

"Well, that's even better."

Eren sighs, his heart hammering against his ribcage. "W-well...I was writing this s-stupid letter to Armin...b-because I like him. But i-it's not even a big deal, I-I just...I just can't see him, okay?!"

Annie smiles, genuinely, and not at all sarcastically. "That's sweet. You should give it to him."

"N-no, I'm not giving it to him..."

The blonde takes notice of Eren's tiny, indignant pout and the way he masks his greater fear with his defiance.

"Eren...I understand how scary that is. To like someone, I mean." At this, the brunette boy finally looks up, focusing on Annie's words. "You're sixteen, and you'll be seventeen soon. You're young. On the one hand, you have plenty of time to wait. To take your time, and save your feelings for later."

Eren shrugs, chewing his lip. Annie continues. "On the other hand, though...you have this amazing opportunity to be with someone you really like. I mean, just from seeing you two interact, you go so well together. Armin cares a lot about you, and that's really important. I mean, you need someone like that in your life. And if you like him, go for it. Don't let your fear or doubt stop you."

Eren takes a moment to let her words sink in. Annie has never given him such solid advice.

"Thank you, Annie," Eren whispers, and he truly means it. The blonde bows mockingly, never able to stay serious for long. "Y-you think...you think Armin likes me?"

She grins. "That's for you to find out."

Outside, Mikasa is chatting with a rather distraught Armin. She is mostly stalling as Annie talks to Eren, but she is also genuinely trying to comfort him. He looked so worried when he first turned up at the door, asking for Eren in a strained voice.

Eren's bedroom door opens as Mikasa is wrapping up one of her Christmas stories, and out walks Annie, no Eren. Armin watches with attentive eyes as Annie skips down the little step that separates the bedroom area from all the others and steps up to the couch where Mikasa and Armin chat.

Annie rests a hand on Armin's shoulder, training her eyes on him as she begins to speak. "Eren is just fine, okay? You don't need to worry," she says gently. "He just needs a little more time alone, but when he's ready to see you again, he'll tell you, okay? Just be patient. He has a lot to think about."

Mikasa shoots Annie a quizzical glance, and the blonde girl shakes her head with a little smirk, dismissing it. Her actions say, _Trust me_ , and so she does. Mikasa stands and Armin mimics her, and she puts an arm around his shoulders as she guides him to the door.

"Thank you, Annie," Armin says in a soft voice, a small smile brightening his features. "And thank you, Mikasa."

"Don't mention it," Annie says, waving it away as she plops down onto the couch. Mikasa scoops Armin up into a hug, having to lean down quite a bit as she is so much taller than him.

Then he departs, leaving the two girls alone once again.

"Alright, now explain," Mikasa says, crossing her arms over her chest.

•     •     •

It is close to midnight, and Eren is wide awake, blinking up at the ceiling. Beside him on his bed is a crumpled up piece of notebook paper. He has tried his hardest to smooth it out to look like new again, but to no avail.

He is conflicted, debating whether or not to give Armin the letter. It's stupid, and cheesy, and embarrassing, but he can think of no other way to honestly express his feelings. Annie's words keep echoing in his head. _Don't let your fear or doubt stop you._ Both things are so powerful, however, that he can't get a good grip on them. His heart is pounding so hard he can hear it pulsing in his ears.

Then he is lifting himself up from the bed, shoving his feet into his shoes and walking lightly down the hallway, without a single thought to what he is doing. It's like he is possessed, acting on a will despite being overcome by anxiety. _What am I doing here?_ he questions himself as he arrives at Armin's apartment door. _Why am I not turning back?_

Eren slips the sheet of paper under the door and sprints away in the opposite direction.

•     •     •

It is one in the morning, and Armin emerges from his bedroom, throat dry and scratchy. He is proceeding to the kitchen to get a glass of water, when he spots it. The sheet of paper on the floor.

Armin flicks a lamp on so he can see better, picking it up and studying it. The handwriting is distinctly Eren's, written in pen with a million scratch-outs. Without wondering what the contents might be or how it has gotten there, Armin begins to read.

_Dear Armin,_

_I don't know how to start this letter. I've never written a letter to confess to someone before. I guess I'll start by apologizing for ignoring you for three days. I'm a shitty friend. I shouldn't have made you worry, and I'm sorry. As you know, it's pretty hard for me to make friends, or to interact with people in general. I don't always get that it's not socially acceptable to do certain things, like not answer someone's texts for long amounts of time. I know, I shouldn't be making excuses. But you're my only friend, and that's hard sometimes. Honestly, without you, I would probably never leave the house._

_Okay, so I guess I'm stalling for the next part of this. I don't know how to say this, even in a letter._

_I guess that I really like you? I wish I could express those feelings more eloquently in a phrase, but I don't know how. The English language isn't always the best at that._

_It's weird, because I became friends with you so quickly. Like, for most people, it takes me a good month on average to warm up to them enough to even speak to them. But for you it took like, a few days?_

_Romantic feelings are super scary. I've been feeling them for a while, and they only grow stronger. It's fucking weird. I get excited when you text me, but then I get super nervous. I see you, and I feel super awkward, but somehow I can still talk to you. It's never been this way. I once liked this boy Jean, but he ignored my existence, and I've never spoken a word to him anyway. I guess I don't have the best experiences, either, which makes it even harder to deal with these types of feelings?_

_You're so nice to me, and I don't know why. I'm such a mess, right? I cry over walking down a busy street. I can't sleep most of the time, so I always bug you in the middle of the night. I can't even order my own food at a restaurant. But you treat me like none of that matters. You don't belittle my problems, or ignore them, or obsess over them. Anxiety fucking sucks, and besides Mikasa, you're the only one who gets it. It's easier for me to hide in the background, but you helped bring me out. You told me it's okay to wear colorful clothes, and it's okay to try new things, and to like what I want to like._

_You're so beautiful...physically, of course, I could on on and on...but your personality is the best thing, you're so patient and kind and intelligent and passionate about the things you love and I can have real conversations with you about the ways I feel about things, and you help me to not be so afraid. I guess I could come up with a million other adjectives but this letter is getting long, so...I'll just ask you one question._

_If you want, it would be cool if you would be my boyfriend?_

_It looks so weird on paper. It feels weird on my tongue when I try to say it, I mean...I've never had a boyfriend, or a girlfriend (I'm not interested anyway), or anybody for that matter. So this is really new for me. I'm sorry about this letter. I'm not good with words, believe it or not (haha, how ironic)._

_If you don't want to be with me, I understand. I'm high-maintenance, and I'm weird, and I don't fucking know, there's a lot I don't like about myself, but you make me feel a lot better about the things I don't like. Being with you makes me feel confident, and calm, and I don't know...if I had to be stuck with one person forever, I would pick you._

_Maybe I shouldn't say that? Maybe that sounds weird and clingy? I don't know..._

_My hands are shaking so much as I write this, because I know once you read this, there's no turning back. So if you don't want to date me, I just wanted you to know that you did all of this cool stuff for me. Thank you for that. I'll never forget._

_~Eren_

• • •

It's two in the morning, and Eren still can't sleep.

He is sitting on the roof, staring out into the distance because it is too dark to draw. He is staring at every building, imagining the people who live there, painting pictures in his head that depict their lives.

The door to the roof clicks open. Eren's breath hitches, but he doesn't turn around. He can't.

"Hey," a small voice says, footsteps approaching.

"H-hi," Eren stammers, training his gaze on his trembling hands that grip his knees to steady himself. He feels like he might pass out any second.

Armin sits beside him. He hears the sound of paper crumpling, and a small sigh. "I figured I might find you here." There's a pause, and then: "I read your letter."

Eren's blood turns to ice, and he goes rigid in his place. He can't respond, as his jaw feels like it's been glued shut. Words bunch up in his throat and he stands, gripping the railing in front of him to steady himself.

Armin stands too, and puts a hand on Eren's arm. He flinches, going to pull away, but Armin says, "Eren, look at me," and the brunette comes down from his panic to turn around and look at the blonde for the first time since he arrived.

Armin's face holds a bluish glow from the lights of the city surrounding them, blonde hair pulled back to reveal his defined features. His eyes speak volumes without him ever having to say words, his lips turned up in a tiny smile.

_How could someone like him ever like me?_ Eren wonders, biting his lip self-consciously. _What was I thinking? He probably feels sorry for me, for writing such a stupid letter._

"I love your letter, okay?" he says softly, almost reassuringly. "I read it like, eight times. It's so sweet. It's so _you._ You deserve everything, okay? Don't doubt yourself so much."

Eren blinks, saying nothing. He wasn't expecting this reaction.

"Listen, Eren," Armin says, taking the other boy's hands. "I'm not perfect. I need you to understand that."

"I-I know," Eren stammers, after a moment of silence. "B-but you're close."

The blonde chuckles, hair swishing as he shakes his head. "Thank you. But...I'm not."

They have been gravitating closer to each other since the beginning of the conversation, inches disappearing slowly until Armin can place a hand on Eren's face, cradling his jaw in his palm. The brunette's eyes cast down, too afraid to look at Armin from up this close.

"I'm not perfect. I have flaws. Lots of them. I don't want you to just admire me and belittle yourself. I'm not just my good qualities, I'm my bad qualities too. And everything in between. But that's what makes me human. There's so much good about you, Eren, I..." He trails off, squeezing his eyes shut. "I want you to see it."

Eren looks up, at Armin's very serious face, framed in the dim light. He still can't find the words to respond, and so in the pure spontaneity of the moment, he loops one arm around Armin's back, pulls him in as close as possible, and leans in, connecting their lips.

Armin is startled only momentarily before he reciprocates the action. Eren has no idea what he's doing but he can't stop, feeling the coolness of Armin's lips against his own, mind racing but no thoughts coming to the surface. The kiss is soft and innocent, Eren testing the waters. They separate briefly before Armin kisses him again, letting it deepen as he drapes his arms around Eren's neck and focuses on nothing else but the brunette boy. He is the world, the universe, contained into the space right in front of him.

Then they break away for real, and make eye contact for a second before Eren stares down at the ground. He is blushing so profusely Armin can see it in the faint light from the city below. He hides his face in his hands, shying away from Armin's grasp.

The blonde boy chuckles, taking Eren's hands gently and lowering them. "Hey, don't hide your face," he whispers. "You're beautiful too."

Eren bites his lip, shivering in the cold air. "I forgot to tell you," Armin continues. "I will definitely be your boyfriend."

In that instant Eren smiles, just as wide as he did when he heard his favorite song in the cafe. It brightens the entire vicinity, making night turn to day.

Feeling bold once again, he wraps the blonde up into an embrace, happiness rushing through him. _Armin likes me_ , he thinks, grinning into the fabric of Armin's sweater. He lets his eyes fall shut, relaxing into the blonde's arms as he sways back and forth slowly.

The sounds of the night wind down into a peaceful hum, the pale moon in the indigo sky watching over the boys in their serene, shared moment. They are content.


	8. Chapter 8

**hey do you wanna get coffee? :-)**

**Not today, Eren. I'm not feeling very well. Tomorrow maybe?**

Eren frowns at this. This is the third day in a row that Armin has denied his plans, and he's starting to feel like he's being annoying somehow.

 **oh. sorry. i didn't mean to bother you** , he types. It sounds bitter but it isn't; he's mostly sad that Armin doesn't want to see him.

 **Aw Eren, you're not bothering me** , Armin replies after a second. **I feel like such a bad boyfriend, I'm sorry ;( it's not your fault, trust me. I'm just having a rough week.**

**oh ok. is it ok if i come to your apartment? i miss you.**

He feels silly typing the phrase, being so honest and feeling too clingy. As much as Armin assures him that he's not, he can't help but feel self-conscious about the things he says.

**Of course you can! I miss you too, I'm sorry again that we haven't been seeing each other in person lately.**

**it's alright. i'm not mad**

Eren slips his phone into the pocket of his hoodie and grabs his sketchbook, opening his bedroom door quietly. He peers out, seeing Grisha sat in the main room, scrolling through emails on his laptop. It's been two days since Christmas break ended, and within those two days, Eren's father has mysteriously reappeared. The brunette hardly questions it, too focused on Armin to pay attention to much of anything else.

"Where are you going?" Grisha asks in a booming voice, training stern eyes on Eren as he approaches the door. "Have you finished your homework?"

Eren nods, staring at the floor to avoid the perpetual disappointment that lies in his father's gaze.

"Good. Be back in two hours or I'm taking your art book," he calls after Eren, who is already halfway out the door.

He lets it slam behind him.

Eren takes a deep breath as he walks briskly to Armin's apartment. They have been dating for a little over a week, and Eren feels more and more comfortable each time he's around him. That doesn't stop the nervous flurry of butterflies that rushes through his stomach every time they're together, or the fact that he blushes too much, and still stutters endlessly. Armin is unconditionally patient with him, though, and he can't help but wonder why Armin insists that he isn't perfect.

Taking another lengthy inhale, Eren knocks on the door, puffing it out as he hears the lock click and the door swings open. Armin stands before him, hair in a tiny bun on top of his head. He is adorned in a blue pullover with _Columbia University_ printed on it and baggy black sweatpants that bunch up around his ankles, revealing socks with pink polka dots on them. Despite his more cheerful attire he looks tired—no, _drained of energy_ , ivory skin a bit paler and traces of dark circles underneath his eyes. Eren's worry must be ever-apparent on every inch of his face, because Armin takes his hands, pressing a lingering kiss on his cheek.

"I'm okay, don't worry," he reassures the brunette boy. Eren's anxious frown turns into a smile once he sees Armin grin endearingly, pushing hair back from Eren's eyes. "Come inside."

The smell of lavender that Armin carries with him everywhere he goes envelopes Eren as he walks into the apartment. Immediately he is comforted; Armin's surroundings carry a tranquil atmosphere that Eren adapts to instantly.

Eren spots the painting he made for Armin for Christmas hung on the wall in his living room area, on full display for anyone to see. Eren smiles, feeling his heart warm.

"I was in my room, if that's okay," the blonde informs Eren, taking one of his hands. "Or we can stay out here, if you want."

"W-we can go in y-your room," Eren pipes up.

They enter Armin's bedroom, and Eren takes in his surroundings, noticing it's in a state of disarray that he's unfamiliar with. Usually Armin is so meticulously organized, but now a few of his books are strewn across the floor, bed unmade, and sweaters are draped haphazardly over the chair at his desk, where papers are stacked, some of them so close to the edge Eren is wondering how they haven't fallen. He shoots Armin a quizzical glance, but the blonde isn't paying attention, hopping up onto his bed instead. He grabs his laptop, patting the space next to him.

"Want to watch a movie?" he asks, as Eren settles into the spot beside him, close enough that their shoulders push against each other, sharing the minimal space.

"Um...okay," Eren agrees.

Armin lifts up the blankets first, covering his legs with it. Eren follows suit, until they are both warm and comfortable, and Armin rests the laptop on top of his legs. He starts scrolling through his downloaded movies for something to watch.

They eventually settle on Ratatouille, much to Eren's amusement. Armin places his laptop in the space on the bed in front of them, scooting even closer to the brunette in order to rest his head on his chest. They've never done this before, and Eren feels giddy with warmth and closeness, draping an arm around Armin's waist as the blonde does the same. It's nice, and Eren allows himself to forget his concerns as they lay in each other's arms, watching the light-hearted movie in a shared silence.

It is not until the halfway point that Eren realizes that Armin has fallen asleep, expression soft and restful as he breathes deeply. Eren smiles, checking the time on his phone. It has barely been an hour, but he decides that he'll stop the movie and allow Armin to sleep.

He is barely a few steps out of Armin's room when he hears the ruffling of blankets behind him, and then a hoarse voice speaks, "Wait, where are you going?"

Armin stands in the doorway to his bedroom as Eren turns, some hair falling out of his bun as he rubs the sleep from his eyes.

"U-um...I-I wanted...I wanted to let you sleep," Eren mumbles, biting his lip as he is met with silence in response.

Eren doesn't look up, doesn't look up as the tension thickens, until he hears a sniff, and he is forced to.

Seeing Armin cry is the worst form of torture, Eren decides. His face crumbles as the tears spill down his cheeks, staining his skin as his mouth twists into a deep-set frown. Somehow, he still manages to make crying look pretty.

Eren panics, his breathing halting completely as he freezes in his spot, not knowing what to do. "I-I-I'm sorry!" he exclaims, unsure as to why his leaving has set Armin off in such a way. "I-I—"

"Wait, i-its not...it's not y-you," Armin speaks through his tears, voice strained and heavy with sobs. "I-I just...I feel h-horrible, a-and...and I haven't b-been to class and I just...everything f-feels like it's falling a-apart so...I need you to stay. _Please._ " There is a desperation to his voice that scares Eren more than the tears, but he keeps himself grounded, knowing that his own panic will only cause Armin to break down even more. So, instead, he takes Armin in steady arms, holding him gingerly, as if hugging him any tighter would shatter him into a million tiny pieces.

Ignoring the knowledge that his staying more than two hours will cause Grisha to take his sketchbook away, Eren stays until the sky darkens, until Armin is sound asleep and the clock reads _10:29 PM_ , until his eyes flutter open and he wakes with the sunrise.

His phone buzzes on Armin's bedside table. He grabs it, eyes scanning over the text from Mikasa as the noises of the city start up in full swing. **Eren, when you get this, please text me back. Grisha says you never came home and you're not here. Please be safe, wherever you are.**

Eren scrolls farther down in his notifications to see all of the missed calls he has. **Mikasa: Missed Call (8). Grisha: Missed Call (5).** Cursing under his breath, he stands, yanking on the jeans he shed the previous night, and leaves before Armin wakes.

His hands are shaking so bad he is afraid his phone will fall out of his hands. **sorry i was at Armin's, long story** , he types, the message slightly incoherent but he is too tired to even remotely care.

Eren stops by his father's apartment to grab his backpack from his room and prepare for school. Luckily, Grisha has already left for work, probably having left early to plot Eren's murder for leaving. The brunette takes a quick shower, grabs a smoothie from the fridge for breakfast, and hurries out the door.

Eren is spinning the combination to open his locker, hand unsteady, when his phone buzzes in the pocket of his jeans. It isn't Mikasa, like he expected. It's Armin.

**Eren, I am sooooo sorry for freaking out on you last night. I probably scared you, and I didn't mean to do that. I'm 100% okay, I promise. I probably got you in trouble with your dad and your sister, I'm so sorry :'( I'll make it up to you...see you later? xx**

Eren's thudding heart softens upon reading this message, as Armin's crying face flashes through his head, making his body stiffen with worry. **are you sure you're ok?** he types. **also can you pick me up from school? i'm done at 3, we can get coffee :3**

**Of course! And I'm totally fine, please don't worry. I'll see you later, have a good day <3**

The day runs by without any major problems, until Eren dozes off in English class. He wakes to Miss Petra shaking his shoulder, presumably because he's been snoring.

"Eren, can I talk to you after class?" she inquires, in a much sterner voice than Eren is used to. This really catches his attention, causing him to sit up straighter, scrubbing at his eyes to clear the haze of sleep from them.

He nods, watching her ginger hair whip around as she turns and walks back to the front of the classroom. A few of Jean's friends snicker in Eren's direction, one of the boys, Connie, sending a low whistle towards the front. Eren sends them a glare, clenching his fists under his desk. Some of the boys are so disrespectful to her, he hates it...

Before he knows it, the bell is ringing, and suddenly he is all alone in the classroom. Eren shuffles to the front of the room, too afraid to look up at Miss Petra out of fear of her potential disappointment.

To his surprise, however, her voice is kind and gentle when she addresses him. "I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier," she says apologetically. "Other teachers have told me rumors are going around that I'm too soft on my students. I just want to prove that I can handle things, you know? But I'm not mad at you, don't worry."

Eren lets his gaze meet hers, tense limbs relaxing as he sees her familiar, lovely smile. "Sit down, okay? We should catch up."

The brunette takes a seat in his designated chair, picking at the chipping paint on the seat with a nail as a distraction.

"Did you have a good break?" she begins. "Did anything good happen? Anything bad? Whatever you need to talk about, go ahead."

Eren clears his throat, having not used his voice all day. "W-well..." He trails off, starting over. "Y-you know my friend, Armin. Well...he's my boyfriend now. So...so that's a good thing." Eren smiles to himself, unaware of just how happy he looks. "Um...he gave me lots of art supplies for Christmas, and he taught me how to ice skate. And he kissed me..." Eren trails off, noticing that he's rambling. Miss Petra smiles encouragingly, gesturing for him to continue. "But...um, there's something that's been bothering me like, all night."

"What is it?" Miss Petra questions innocently. "Only if you want to tell me."

Eren sighs, pulling the string on his hoodie harder than intended. "Yesterday I went to his apartment. We were watching a movie and then...he fell asleep. I tried to leave, but he started crying." Eren chews his lip. "I've never seen him cry before."

"Was something upsetting him? Do you know?"

Eren shrugs, feeling his chest constrict with the memory. "Um, no...he just said it felt like everything was falling apart." Eren swallows. "That's all."

Miss Petra reflects on these words, unsure of what to tell the brunette. He has clearly lost sleep over it, and his body language reads as extremely uncomfortable with the situation. Finally, she replies, "I think you should let him know that if he needs to talk to you about anything, that he's welcome to. He may just be going through a hard time. Everyone goes through rough patches, Eren. I'm sure he's going to be okay. Just be there for him, talk him through things, whatever you need to do. You're very empathetic. You'll know what to do."

Miss Petra's words are echoing through his head as Eren waits on the steps in front of the school, watching carefully for Armin's silver car. He is hunched over, his pencil working to convey his emotions onto the paper. He can see Armin's face clearly, breaking into an unfamiliar expression of pain as he cries. Eren halts his sketching, shuddering with the memory. It feels too real.

Somebody honks their horn, and Eren is startled into oblivion. Armin's silver car is parked by the curb, and the blonde boy waits inside, smiling radiantly. Eren closes up his sketchbook, skipping down the steps to meet him.

Armin is blasting Tiny Dancer through the speakers. There is a tiny pack of colored pencils in the cupholder, a pink post-it note stuck to it.

 _I'm sorry_ , it reads, in Armin's neat, loopy handwriting. Eren looks over, at how serious Armin looks, guilt lining his features. Eren reaches over and turns down the volume, leaning closer to the blonde.

"You don't have to be sorry," he whispers. "W-we all have bad days. I d-don't mind being there for you wh-when you have them, just like y-you're there for me."

Armin smiles like the sun, bringing life into his fatigued features. "Thank you, Eren," he murmurs, letting his eyes fall shut as their noses bump. "Can I kiss you?" He always asks, always wanting to be sure that Eren is comfortable with the prolonged amount of physical contact kissing requires. Eren is more than okay, closing the gap without a single word. He lets the kiss take him to a new place, hand on the nape of Armin's neck as his hair tickles Eren's fingertips. Eren doesn't even care that they are kissing in a car in front of his school. He doesn't care at all.

Eren is flushed when he pulls away, olive skin tinted a strawberry pink. The residual shyness only intensifies when Armin whispers, "You're so beautiful, Eren," and his heart skips a beat.

The two boys spend an hour in the coffee shop, chatting quietly and eating little pastries. Then Eren checks his phone, seeing a text from Mikasa. **You need to come back now.** Grimacing, he looks back up, noticing Armin's distracted gaze.

"Hey, so...I've g-gotta go home," Eren whispers, nausea washing over him in waves. "E-everyone's mad at me."

Armin frowns, remembering that Eren presumably hasn't been home in the past twenty-four hours. "Shoot, okay," he says, standing abruptly. "Alright, let's go."

Mikasa and Annie are standing outside of the apartment building when Armin's car pulls up there ten minutes later. Mikasa sprints up to the car at record speeds, athlete's body doing her a world of good.

Eren rolls the window down, face twisting into a grimace as she begins to scream like a hysterical mother. "Eren, where the fuck were you?! It's been a full day! You didn't answer my text until this morning, I thought something terrible happened to you! How was I supposed to assume you were with Armin?!"

Eren squeezes his eyes shut, burying his face in his sleeve-covered hands. "Sorry, Mikasa," he mumbles, his voice strained and full of guilt.

Mikasa trains a deadly gaze on Armin, and for a moment, he is afraid he will be lectured too. But instead, she says, "Thank you for taking care of my brother."

"Oh...you're welcome," Armin says softly. "But please don't yell at him. It was my fault he spent the night. I wasn't in a good place and I asked him to stay. I wasn't thinking, and I'm so sorry."

Mikasa pauses, considering his words. Armin is the opposite of a bad influence, and she knows that none of it was meant maliciously. "Don't worry about it," she reassures him, finally. "It was a mistake. Now I understand that Eren was just being nice. It's in his nature." The raven-haired girl shrugs, placing a hand on Eren's shoulder. "Next time, just let me know, okay? I was _really_ worried."

"O-okay Mikasa," Eren murmurs. He emerges from his hiding place in his hands, eyes misty with tears prevented from falling. He turns to the blonde with a wobbly smile. "Um...bye Armin."

"Bye." Armin blows a kiss, returning the smile. Eren steps out of the car and into his sister's arms, where she squeezes him tightly, almost afraid to let go. The siblings walk inside, followed by Annie, as Armin pulls his car around to the side of the building in order to park.

There is a strange, wistful feeling in Armin's heart that he can't seem to place. He doesn't dwell on it, however, shrugging it off as he parks the car and steps into the chilly winter air. Tonight, he has work to do.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all!!! Happy Valentine's Day!!! <3 I wanted to give everyone this chapter today as a little gift!!! I have up until chapter twelve written actually, I've just been horrible at keeping up with publishing on both sites. I promise to publish the rest really soon though!!! I just get lazy (mostly about putting in the italics). I also have made a playlist for this fic??? It's really very strange and random but in case anyone wanted to hear it, I can link it!!! It has lots of the music shown in this story, as well as some other songs that fit the story in my opinion??? Anyway I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter and I hope to get out 10-12 by the end of this week, if not sooner!!!

There is an F on Eren's report card.

The rest of his grades are pretty good: two As, two Bs, and one C. The F looks out of place. It throws off the balance.

Grisha has his sketchbook, but Eren hardly cares. He has a new one from Armin, and he sketches away in it just as much as he would in his old one, if not more. Grisha screamed profanities at him when he returned home a few nights prior, Mikasa by his side. She defended him, explaining the situation as best she could without outing Eren to his father. They ended up in a heated argument that did not involve Eren at all.

Eren is lying in bed, staring at the letter printed in menacing, bold black ink. It looms in front of him, filling his vision. _Failure. You're a failure, because you can't talk in class._ Eren sighs, setting the paper down on his bedside table. He can't deal with this.

Eren's phone buzzes, and he picks it up quickly. He has received a new text from Armin. **Are you up? I can't sleep :/**

Relieved, Eren types a response. **me neither**

**Ahhhh I want to see you**

**why don't you? :3**

**I don't want to get you in trouble with your dad.**

**fuck him. i don't care**

**Haha okay then, are you sure?**

**positive.**

**Alright. See you in a minute :)**

Armin texts Eren when he arrives, and so he creeps out of his room, treading carefully as not to make a sound. He has never done this before—act rebellious enough to invite someone over in the middle of the night, let alone his boyfriend. He feels a strange rush of something unfamiliar, tingly at his fingertips.

Armin greets Eren wordlessly, and they join hands so neither of them stumbles in the pitch black darkness. They make it to Eren's room and the brunette shuts the door all the way, and they settle into his bed.

Eren's bed is a twin, which means that the boys have no choice but to be in the closest proximity possible. Eren doesn't mind one bit, reveling in the quiet simplicity of Armin cuddled into his side.

Then Armin frowns, spotting the white slip of paper, folded up on Eren's nightstand under the light of the small blue lamp. "What's that?" he asks quietly.

Eren's face falls, contented expression disappearing. "Um...my grades," he mumbles.

"Oh. Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry, I was just curious."

"It's okay." Eren shrugs, trying to play it off as not being a big deal. He twists a lock of Armin's hair around his finger, smooth strands slipping out of his grasp.

Armin sighs softly, taking one of Eren's hands and interlocking their fingers. "Can you sing for me?" he whispers.

"Sing?" Eren scoffs with a little laugh. "I-I can't sing."

"Oh yes you can."

"Oh _no_ I cannot."

"Fight me."

Eren giggles at this, shaking his head as he shifts to look at the blonde. "Wh-when did you hear me sing?"

Armin smiles, traveling to a past place in his mind. "Over Thanksgiving break. You were in the kitchen, and I was coming to help. You were singing along to the radio, and I didn't want to bother you because you were enjoying the song. So I left you alone. And you sang. Your voice is so deep and nice. I like it."

Eren blushes, redness diffusing across the expanse of his face. "R-really?"

"Yeah." Armin squeezes his hand gently. "Only if you want to, I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

"I'm not uncomfortable. I f-feel...I feel r-really comfortable." Eren shrugs, studying their clasped hands, and Armin's narrow fingers, milky white skin peppered with tiny freckles on the backs of his hands. "I-I'm always comfortable wh-when I'm with you."

"Aw, Eren." Armin smiles softly, letting his eyes fall shut. "That makes me so happy."

The brunette considers for a moment. "C-can I play you a song? A-and one day, wh-when I'm ready...I could s-sing it to you?"

"Sure." Armin smiles as Eren bounces up from the bed, reaching for his phone across the room. He scrolls through his music until he finds it, and cranks up the volume as it begins to play.

A distinct-sounding voice begins to sing softly over a piano, and Armin recognizes immediately. It's the same artist who sings Eren's favorite song.

"What's this song called?" Armin inquires, standing up to meet Eren on his side of the slightly-cramped room.

"Rocket Man," the brunette mumbles, peeking at Armin through the hair that falls in his eyes. "I-it's about space, s-so I figured you'd like it." He flashes Armin a lopsided grin, to which the blonde laughs.

"Alright, if I'm star boy, then you have to be rocket man," Armin proclaims in a hushed tone, goofy grin on his face. Eren giggles into his sweatshirt sleeve.

"O-okay, fine," he agrees. "But y-you have t-to dance with me."

Armin steps forward, smiling endearingly. He clasps one of Eren's hands and loops the other one around his shoulder, Eren placing his hand on Armin's waist. It's so stupid and sappy, Eren thinks, as they sway in time to the music in a peaceful silence. Yet he can't help but marvel about the quiet simplicity of it all. They're two boys with two separate lives, coexisting together in an immense universe. When they're together, everything makes sense. When they're together, the Earth seems to gravitate around them alone.

Eren would dance with Armin forever.

•     •     •

"Aww, well isn't that cute."

Eren startles awake to a familiar voice, blinking slowly to clear the fog of sleep and absorb his surroundings. He is warmer than usual, due to the fact that Armin is laying right by his side, their limbs tangling together in a messy heap. It is also fairly light outside, which sets off alarm bells in the back of Eren's head, panic not prominent enough to become fully realized. Finally, Annie stands at the foot of his bed, arms crossed over her chest. She is adorned in gray sweatpants and a Nirvana tee, hair pulled up to expose the shaved sides of her head, along with her many ear piercings. Annie carries a playful attitude that dances in her eyes, slightly amused at Eren's confusion.

"Mika sent me. Your dad left at like four in the morning or some shit, so she sent me to wake you up." She shrugs, kicking at the carpet with her socked feet. "You should probably invest in an alarm clock, my dude."

Armin sits up a bit, squinting at the sunlight pouring into Eren's bedroom. Usually the blinds are closed.

"Good morning," Annie greets him, with a smirk.

"Morning," he groans, yawning as he stretches his arms above his head. Then realization strikes his face. "Wait, shit. I did not mean to spend the night here."

The blonde girl shrugs, carefree in her mannerisms. "It happens."

Standing up, Armin hikes up his sweatpants and runs his fingers through his bedhead. "I should probably go. I have class in a couple hours, and I still have work to finish."

Eren nods, knees drawn up to his chest. Armin grabs his phone, tucking it into his pocket. Feeling a bit awkward with Annie's presence in the room, Armin offers up a half-smile, and a tiny wave. "Um, bye Eren," he says softly.

"S-see you," the brunette mumbles in response. Armin is gone in a second.

"You're lucky your prick of a father didn't see Armin was in here," Annie mutters, giving Eren a look he can't figure out. "Get dressed. I'll drive you to school."

"I can walk," Eren sighs, but it's so quiet, Annie misses it. She exits the room, shutting the door.

After a quick shower, Annie slides him a plate with an omelet sitting on it. "Come on, eat up. Then we'll go."

Rolling his eyes, Eren begins to shovel the warm eggs into his mouth. _I can walk by myself. I can make my own breakfast. I can take care of myself._ Ignoring the irate voices in his head, he continues to eat in silence.

Pulling up at the curb in front of the entrance of the school, frustration is already prevalent in every fiber of Eren's being. He pushes it aside, however, exiting the car slamming the door behind him. He doesn't thank Annie for the ride.

Fourth period rolls around, and Eren is sitting quietly in the back of the classroom, doodling in his notebook. Miss Petra takes immediate notice of his increasingly withdrawn attitude, but knows she can't ask him about it until class is over. The usual rambunctious group of boys walks in, disrupting the relative silence of the classroom. Eren looks up with a glare, an abnormal reaction, as he normally ignores them. Connie, the loudest and boldest of them all, notices this abnormality, and stops his shouting, turning to face Eren with a sneer curling around his lips.

"Hey Jaeger, you got a problem?" he screams out, gesturing wildly in his direction. "Kinda bold of you, looking our way when you don't even have anything to say for yourself."

Eren's scowl deepens, brow furrowing as rage starts to build in his eyes. Miss Petra waits for the situation to diffuse, not wanting to intervene, praying that Eren will just go back to his drawing and ignore them...

Instead, he jumps to his feet, and with his pencil clutched in hand, throws his entire notebook in their direction, just barely missing Connie.

"Eren!" Miss Petra shouts, running over, but she is too late, because Connie is holding it in his hands, tearing out pages with an expression of twisted pleasure dancing in his beady eyes.

"And we all know you wanted Jean's ass last year, you fucking fa—"

This is when Eren tackles him to the ground, and it is a blur of fists and incomprehensible yelling. Miss Petra is screaming at them to stop, trying desperately to break up the commotion. There is an unforgiving wrath in Eren's eyes that has never been present before. It's terrifying.

•     •     •

"He provoked me!"

Eren is standing outside of the school building with Mikasa after earning himself a week suspension. He is fuming, insisting that Mikasa listen to his side of the story. She won't. She insists he was being too violent.

"That may have been true, but you need to have some self- _control_ , Eren." The raven-haired girl stands with her hands on her hips, disappointment consuming her every feature. Eren is stubbornly avoiding eye contact, staring insistently at the leaves

"It's not my fault! Yesterday they disrespected Miss Petra and today they were—"

"You can't make excuses for sending a boy to the _hospital_ , Eren."

"I didn't mean to!"

"Well maybe you should've thought about that before you acted on your anger."

"Shut up!" he roars. "Okay? Just _shut. Up._ And stop treating me like I'm five! I can take care of myself, okay?! You're not my mom, and you _never_ will be, so stop pretending like you are! Nothing's _ever_ gonna replace her, especially not _you!_ "

Silence. Eren's ears are ringing, his breathing loud and ragged in his ears.

Then he dashes off, unprepared to deal with the consequences that his words will bring.

She doesn't stop him.

• • •

Eren is perched in his spot on the roof, sitting in front of the barrier that prevents him from an endless, looming drop. He stares through the glass at the bright lights of the city, and the people heading back from work.

 _What would happen if I jumped?_ he wonders. _Would people scream? Would a crowd gather? Would someone try and catch me before I meet my end?_

Eren is not even remotely suicidal. Death is not something he craves, but somehow, after the things he has said, death seems like the best punishment.

Eren can't face her again. Never. It's senselessly melodramatic, but he's terrified. All he can feel is regret; so much regret that he can't breathe. He needs Mikasa. She's his sister, and she takes care of him, and watches out for him when no one else will. He hates that he pushed her away.

The door to the roof opens. Eren and Armin are the only ones who come up here, so Eren doesn't have to guess who it is. The blonde approaches him in his spot, silently wrapping his arms around the base of Eren's shoulders.

"Mikasa's really upset," he whispers. "And she was looking for you. She was pretty worried about you." Armin pauses, considering his words. "I'm not going to ask what happened, but talking to her about this would be really important, you know? Even if you're scared, even if you feel like she'll never forgive you, she will. I mean, she loves you more than anything? No matter what you did that's not going to change."

Eren leans into Armin's small frame, nodding. It's a gesture of affection that conveys more than words ever could.

Then he stands, anxiety consuming his entire being but hope blooming in his chest. Armin has a point. She is his sister. She won't hate him forever, if at all.

The blonde boy squeezes his hand, smiling softly. "Don't be nervous," he whispers. "You'll be fine."

Eren keeps reminding himself of this as he trudges down each flight of stairs to reach Mikasa's apartment. His hand is shaky as he knocks on the door, but he inhales deeply and wills himself to be strong for the sake of his sister.

The moment the door opens, Eren doesn't even look up, instead blurting out a string of words that spill from his mouth. "I'm so sorry Mikasa I didn't mean it I'll never do it again I was being immature and I didn't mean it and I'm sorry and I was stupid and I love you and I hate what I said but I'll never say it again and—"

Eren is cut off as he is swept up into her arms, and she holds him close to her chest, immediately halting his nervous rambling.

"Eren, I forgive you. I will always forgive you. I'm sorry too," she murmurs into his hair. Tears squeeze from his eyes as his shoulders start to shake, the bottled-up emotions from the whole day finally reaching their limits. "I know it feels like I coddle you sometimes, or that I maybe don't give you a chance to do things on your own. I just...I promised your mom I would take care of you...and I don't want to break that promise. I want to see you thrive. And I'm sorry if you get frustrated that I treat you like a child. You are sixteen, you can handle things. I just worry about the way people treat you..."

"I-I know," he mumbles, voice muffled with tears and the fabric of Mikasa's sweatshirt. "I-I understand."

These simple words the siblings exchange are enough glue to mend the cracks in their relationship. Mikasa whisks Eren into the apartment, dabbing at his cheeks to dry his tears. Eren, Mikasa, and Annie all settle on the couch together, and all seems right with the world again.

Just one thing seems to be missing.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL9gWphkEYoAMF5OZlRpJTi-WeEVC7hVkS hello everyone!!! I'm not sure if that is going to work, but it's the playlist for this story!!! I hope that you like it if you want to listen, it's super random, I know, but it just fits the aesthetic of this story, along with the songs I featured in here. Enjoy the chapter!!!

Armin is overwhelmed. He is drowning in schoolwork that he is extremely behind on, and somehow as the days pass his room becomes more and more of a wreck, even his bed cluttered with books, papers, and random clothing. Despite all of this, he is too tired and preoccupied to care. He hasn't seen Eren in three days, having been informed by Mikasa that he'd been suspended. There was no other explanation, and nothing from Eren, no text, no more, nothing, leaving Armin wondering for hours on end.

It is day four of Eren's absence and Armin wakes at noon. Upon the realization that he has already missed his first class of the day, he huffs, throwing the covers off of himself and snatching up his phone. Without thinking, he is suddenly at his grandfather's contact, pressing the call button.

The old man answers on the second ring. "Armin? Is that you?" he asks hesitantly, almost as if he is expecting someone else.

"Yeah, it's me," the blonde replies in a chipper tone, automatically feeling calmer thanks to the familiar voice. "I just wanted to say hi."

"Well, hello then, my boy! How are things? How are your classes?"

Armin lets out a heavy sigh, fistful of hair in his hand as his eyes sweep the papers strewn across the floor. "My classes are...great," he says through gritted teeth. "Tough, but...so great."

"That's good to hear." The old man laughs heartily. "And Eren?"

"Eren's doing great, we talk all the time." A lie. They haven't spoken in four days.

"Tell him I said hello! You two should drop in sometime, it would be nice to see him again. Anything else? Things are good?"

Armin breathes out a little laugh. "Honestly, things couldn't be better." Another lie. Armin is on the brink of tears now, crushing a sheet of notebook paper in his fist. _What's wrong with me?_

"I'm so glad to hear that. You worry me too much, Armin, it's nice to get good news." There's a clattering noise in the background. "I'm going to get back to cooking and let you get back to your day. Please stop in some time, when you can. I know how busy you are, but I would love to see you soon. Bring Eren if you'd like."

"Okay. Okay, I will." Armin swipes a hand over his face, trying to fight the way his chest tightens. "I love you, Grandfather."

"I love you too, Armin. Have a good day." He hangs up, leaving Armin with empty silence once again.

• • •

Eren is laying facedown on his bed. His phone is locked somewhere in a drawer in his father's room, and Grisha has also confiscated all of his art supplies. This leaves Eren consumed by boredom and loneliness, but most of all terrified to see Armin.

Eren still has countless bruises from the fight three days ago. Bruises on his stomach, his back, and his arms, but most noticeably, his face. Eren has a bruise right beside his eye and another just at the curve of his jaw. Armin can't see. Armin can't know that he is this violent. Armin will run away from him. He is sure of it.

Naturally, he is avoiding him. This plan is going very well until the fifth day of this avoidance. Eren is sleeping, deep in a land of dreams, when a jarring knock startles him out of this peace.

Rolling over, he checks the time on the clock on his bedside table. _3:41 AM._

_What the hell?_ he thinks.

Stumbling to his feet, he makes it out of the dark room and travels through the darkness with hands extended in front of him.

Before his hand even reaches the doorknob, however, terror consumes him.

His entire body trembles as he sinks to his knees on the cold wood floor. _Something is wrong. It has to be, why would anyone be coming over in the middle of the night like this?_

The knocking grows more insistent. Afraid to wake his dad, Eren pushes down his fear and stands, unlocking the door with shaking hands.

The silhouette of Armin stands in the doorway. He shifts from foot to foot impatiently, realization hitting him quite late that Eren has opened the door. He flings himself into the brunette's arms wordlessly, knocking him off balance a bit. Eren notices that he smells funny, not like his usual lavender but a scent that makes his stomach queasy and his thoughts restless.

Talking to someone Eren hasn't spoken to in five days is difficult, especially given the circumstances. Eren's words get clogged up in his throat, becoming lost in the confusion and frustration that arises from the situation.

"I'm so happy to see you," Armin finally mumbles into Eren's t-shirt, his voice carrying a strange airiness that Eren is unfamiliar with. "I feel so wonderful..."

Still seized by confusion, Eren allows Armin to rope him tighter in his arms, letting out a soft sigh. "I wanted to tell you something." His words are a bit slurred, which makes Eren's discomfort rise. It finally clicks in his head. Armin is, for lack of a better word, _drunk._

"Uh—c-can get—M-M-Mikasa," Eren manages to choke out, pushing Armin away and starting to make his way to the door.

Armin stops him by clutching his shirt sleeve, giggling like a child. "I feel dizzy," he sings. "Ugh, I feel..."

Armin's grip weakens, and he slumps against Eren, pressing his full body weight against the brunette. At this point Eren is panicking, fumbling to unlock the door at a rapid pace, willing himself to calm down, make it to Mikasa's place, where she can help...

Somehow, Eren manages half-carry Armin up the stairs to Mikasa's apartment, somehow not tripping and falling in the dimly-lit stairwell. Only adrenaline is fueling him now, willing him to knock on the door and rest Armin against the wall as he mumbles incoherently.

When there is no answer, Eren knocks again, desperately. He presses himself up against the door and wails, "Mikasa! Mikasa, _help me!_ "

This is what gets her attention, and so she sprints to the door at lightning speeds. "Eren, what's going on?!" she practically screams as her gaze rests on the brunette, who already shivers with sobs.

"I-I don't kn-know wh-what's wrong with A-Armin," he splutters, gesturing to the blonde, who is slumped against the wall. Mikasa rushes past Eren and to the helpless boy on the floor, feeble figure racked with violent tremors that refuse to cease. At this point, Annie has emerged from her bedroom, flipping on lights. "What the fuck is going on?" she questions, squinting at the bright fluorescent lights. "Eren, buddy, you alright?"

"Annie, do me a favor and call 911," Mikasa states in a monotone, as if listing groceries. The blonde girl stares, stunned, simply processing the situation, until Mikasa repeats the request and she retreats to find her phone.

Eren shuts down completely as he watches Armin get loaded, in a stretcher, onto an ambulance with red and blue lights that flash without end. Inside his head, he is screaming, desperately clawing for his way out. Externally, however, he is removed from the situation. He is floating, high above the clouds, into space, amongst the stars...

Eren rests with his head in Annie's lap as Mikasa argues her way into visiting Armin. It's been hours, but it only feels like minutes, the scene replaying over and over again in Eren's head. Each time, he can only ask one question: _Why? Why? Why?_

Annie's phone reads _9:22 AM_ when Armin's grandfather arrives. Eren, who hasn't slept a wink, observes his exhausted frown, and the way his face seems to sag with disappointment. He greets Eren, Mikasa, and Annie with a silent wave, before filing out of the waiting room.

They have to wait an hour before they can see Armin. In this hour, Eren traces patterns with his eyes on the fielding, connecting the tiles and making tiny connections within them.

The old man emerges, tear streaking his worn face. He leaves quickly, without a single glance back towards the three who wait. The pain is too severe.

"Come on," Mikasa says, ushering Eren and Annie to their feet. Eren squeezes his eyes shut to avoid his pounding heart, thundering in his ears.

Armin looks worse for wear. His skin is ghostly pale, and the dark circles under his dulled blue eyes give him a haunting appearance. Most of all, he looks weighed down by fatigue, like even the action of breathing is too hard.

"Hey guys," he says in a hoarse voice. He is sitting up in bed, a conflicted expression crossing his tired face. "Um...I can't sugarcoat this...so...um...I drank a lot, and then I took a shit ton of antidepressants, so...? Here I am." Armin chuckles drily, sighing as he buries his face in his hands. "I'm just so sorry for dragging you all into this. It was _so_ shitty and selfish of me."

Mikasa moves closer to the blonde, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder. He continues. "I-I've just been...I've been really depressed for a long time. Since I could remember, actually. It's always been really hard. I thought I was getting better...but then I stopped taking my meds and my grandfather warned me this would happen, but I didn't listen..." Armin sighs once again, defeated. "I was hoping it would kill me."

Eren is rigid in place, feeling lost as he grips at nothing. He stares down at his shoes, the room spinning faster and faster around him. His senses have dulled, leaving him with an empty feeling.

Everyone is staring at him, searching for his reaction. Eren's face is expressionless, and his hands are trembling, but he refuses to look up. He can't. His face twists into an awful frown, the new information hitting him like a bus.

"Hey Eren," Annie begins, "let's go take a walk, okay?" She takes his hand firmly, starting to lead him away from Armin's hospital bed. She senses his rising panic, and figures the best way to control that is to remove him from the situation.

Eren doesn't fight it, still staring at the floor as they walk out, the door shutting softly behind them. This leaves Armin alone with Mikasa, stormy gray eyes focused intensely upon the blonde.

"I should probably tell you something about Eren," she begins, voice gravelly and low. "Actually, I should tell you everything. From the beginning. He's not just upset because of what you did. It's way more complicated than that, and I need you to understand."

Armin nods, eyeing her carefully. "Okay," he murmurs. "Go ahead."

Mikasa takes a deep breath. "Let me start from the beginning, when Eren and I first met. So Carla adopted me when Eren was four and I was nine. Carla was Eren's mom. The doctors were really worried, because Eren wasn't talking. Since he was a newborn, he wouldn't sleep, either. They ended up teaching Eren sign language around a year before I came. I was the perfect match for them, because I knew sign language perfectly." Mikasa turns her head, moving a curtain of hair out of the way and revealing a clear hearing aid that Armin has never noticed before. "When I was born, I could barely hear. They did a few surgeries when I got a bit older to repair the defect, but they never fully worked. They did help a bit, though, but I still had to wear these." She taps at her ears. "I learned sign language just in case there was a relapse in my hearing. Of course, I ended up being fine, but I was specially picked just for Eren." She smiles in reminiscence, pausing to allow Armin to take all of the information in.

Then she continues. "It was twelve years ago, but I'll never forget that first day I met Eren. He was sitting in a corner of his room, playing with his toy trucks, and then he looked up at me. His eyes were so big and curious, and I saw that they were two different colors and I was automatically taken aback. I went up to him, real slowly, and said that I was Mikasa, and I was going to be his new sister. Instead of ignoring me, however, like Carla had said he would, he latched onto my hand, and stared me in the eyes, and communicated so much to me through that simple gesture. Eren has always been so good at that."

Armin smiles, thinking of how expressive Eren's movements and facial expressions are. It makes sense, but makes even more sense in this context.

"I taught him how to say his first word. It was 'Chloe.' Chloe was Eren's dog and they were best friends. Chloe got hit by a car when Eren was eight, though, and had to be put down. We buried her in the backyard and had a funeral for her. I remember Eren saying we had to celebrate her life, and so he had Carla make us tea and little cupcakes, and we sat by Chloe's grave and ate them."

Mikasa pauses, chuckling fondly. "Eren went to speech therapy until he was ten. He needed help learning everything from scratch. He started school a little late, but they let him move up when they saw how well he was doing. Eren is smart, I'll give him that. He's not the best at math or science, but it was his reading and writing that got him ahead. He doubts himself a lot, but trust me. He is great at both. He would still be in his first year of high school if not for that."

Taking another pause, she continues. "Eren and I have always been best friends. Besides his mom, he came to me for everything he needed, and still does. I would chase away bullies for him, and chase Grisha away when he upset Eren. I almost forgot—Grisha wasn't always around. He was Eren's biological father, and then when Eren was two, he left for a while. He came back when Eren was nine, and Carla was always so forgiving, she welcomed him back with open arms as soon as he apologized. He's a massive dick, though. He wasn't good for Eren, and still isn't. Carla couldn't see that, though."

"He and his mom were so close. They would listen to music together every night when Eren couldn't sleep, on Carla's record player. His favorites were Billy Joel and Elton John. It was so cute, watching them. They would sing along and Eren would stand up and dance with her holding her hands. Eren loved his mom. She was his whole world."

Armin smiles at the thought of a smaller Eren, dancing excitedly with a faceless woman. He also considers how listening to this music contributes to his music taste now.

Mikasa sucks in a deep breath for the next part. It's the hardest part of the whole story. "I knew Carla was depressed for a while. She was always strong for Eren, never letting her smiles fall, but she came to me when she needed to break down and cry. It peaked at its worst when Eren was eight or so. I think that's another reason she welcomed Grisha back so willingly. She was always so exhausted, it was getting harder and harder for her to take care of Eren. I was only fourteen at the time, so I obviously couldn't do much. It got worse and worse, to the point where she couldn't hide it anymore. Eren was older, and could understand more, and he noticed. I would talk to him about it, and make sure he understood what was going on and why. He was super empathetic. He would try and cheer her up and make her laugh and cook and clean for her and help out so much. But I knew he was sad, too. He wanted his mom back, the one who was herself. She was completely different, and of course he knew that wasn't her fault."

Mikasa takes a shuddering breath in, dabbing at her eyes as the tears already begin to fall. Armin offers her a tissue, but she refuses. "Eren was eleven...when she committed suicide. She left a note...when she did it. I...I never let him see it. It would break his heart...he was already in enough pain as it was. It basically said to take care of Eren. To make sure he was safe, and happy, and stayed in school...all the stuff like that. She thanked me for...for always being there for him. She said that she couldn't do it anymore...that it was ripping her apart...anyways, you get it." Mikasa sniffs, swiping the tears from her cheeks. "I just wanted you to know. He's still dealing with it now. He doesn't talk about her, anytime she comes up in conversation he cuts himself off and basically shuts down." Armin remembers the time where Eren stayed with him and went silent at his own mention of his mother.

"Now that you know all this...you should take some time to process it, and then you should talk to him."

Armin stares down at his lap, stomach churning as the information brews in his gut. His emotions are all mixed up and muddled, and he doesn't know how to feel.

Eren and Annie return ten minutes after that conversation. Annie has managed to coax Eren into eating, and so he munches on a grilled cheese sandwich, slowly. His eyes are red and puffy, and he is staring at the floor.

"Come on, Annie, let's go get some food," Mikasa says, and the two girls exit quickly, giving Eren and Armin the privacy to talk.

"The day that I met you," Armin begins. "On the roof. I was going to do something."

Eren doesn't move.

"I wanted to _kill_ myself," Armin says, slightly hysterically. "I wanted to kill myself, and still do. I wanted to jump off that rooftop and become a star."

Eren's breath gets caught in his throat, chest tightening. _No. No. Stop it._

"I was going to do it, too. I was so ready, to leave it all behind, and to finally be free." Armin smiles, breathing out a little laugh. "And then I saw you."

_Please, Armin._

"You looked so vulnerable, and so...exposed. Like all of the cruelty of the world was confronting you at once, and you didn't know what to do. I saw you, and I was drawn to you. I wanted to make you feel safe."

_Please stop._

"I wanted your pain to go away. I wanted you to feel good about yourself. I still do. Everything about you, is just so...ugh, I have no words, you're just everything and I feel so much and I can't handle it, I mean—"

_Please._

Armin stops, because Eren is gripping his shoulders tightly, head bowed as he tries to steady his erratic breathing. Armin comes back down to earth, leaving his frantic rant behind because Eren is too upset for him to go on. Too upset, to the point where his squeezing any tighter would snap his clavicles in half.

Armin doesn't waste time getting to the point. He stares at Eren, hands tucked in his sleeves and gaze stubbornly pointed towards the floor. "Eren, I want you to know that...you don't need to be afraid for me," he begins, keeping his voice even and steady. "I wanted you to know how bad it was, before I met you. I want you to know how bad it _is._ I can't sugarcoat that. But I'm not going anywhere. Not anymore. I'm not going to leave you alone. I promise. I need you to know that. I'm here, and I'm going to be here for you no matter what." Armin takes one of Eren's hands, delicately running his fingers along his bony knuckles.

"I love you."

Eren bursts into tears then, gasping for air as the tears stream down his face. He practically flings himself into Armin's arms and the blonde welcomes him in, holding him close as he expresses his pain.

Eren wants desperately to say it back, but the words are all jumbled up in his throat. It's like he swallowed alphabet soup, and he can't get the letters unscrambled.

Annie and Mikasa return to retrieve Eren and take him home a bit later. Eren has dozed off, having received zero sleep since three in the morning, worn out from the day's events. Mikasa hoists Eren onto her back as he continues to snore, sending Armin a small, appreciative smile as they march out of the hospital room.

Armin smiles, staring down at the IV that is hooked up to his arm. Sunlight is streaming through the window, sending a warm glow throughout the quiet room. The silence is full.

Everything is okay.


	11. Chapter 11

Armin is in the hospital for a week, and Eren visits every day.

After coming to terms with the situation, being given time to step away from it, Eren arrives with a cheerful attitude, bright smile illuminating his face and lifting the spirits of everyone around him. He talks animatedly to Armin, as much as he can, and brings him nice presents, like coffee, or bubble tea, or snacks, or even his own favorite pillow pet so Armin won't get lonely at night. Mostly, he sketches. This is a different, rawer side of the blonde that Eren isn't used to, exposed to the cruel realities of life. His pencil draws broad strokes, translating these realities onto blank paper.

When Armin is discharged, his grandfather picks him up. He insists that Armin stay with him until he can get his life back on track. Of course, the blonde agrees, knowing he owes the man at least that much. He is tired of their arguments, having gotten into a particularly ugly one the morning he was hospitalized. His grandfather doesn't deserve such pain and burden all the time.

The following week passes by as grandfather and grandson coexist in relative harmony. Armin's grandfather caters to Armin's every need, making sure that he is at his best. Physically, he is doing much better—he is sleeping well, his skin has returned to its peachy, rosy hue, and he seems to smile more. Of course, it isn't all easy—Armin has to take a higher dosage of antidepressants now, and everyday tasks still carry a bit of difficulty. However, after a massive setback, things are turning right again. This time, he wants this feeling to stay, and he is willing to work for it.

Per his grandfather's request, Eren is invited over that weekend. He appears at the door with a bag full of his things and a timid smile. Being the first time he is seeing Armin in a whole week and outside of the hospital setting, he is feeling rather shy. The blonde pulls him inside, leading him off to his room.

"So, how is school for you?" Armin begins, as he starts to fold Eren's clothes and stick them into his extra drawer.

"F-fine," Eren mumbles in reply, staring down at his nervous hands, fingertips grazing the blankets. "U-um...Miss Petra...sh-she's helping me to s-start talking in class, s-so I don't...fail French."

"That's really awesome." Armin turns suddenly, a small smile on his face. "You can always practice with me, if you want."

Eren's eyebrows shoot up into oblivion. "Y-you speak French?" he asks, incredulously.

Armin shrugs. "A little bit, here and there." He sets down the shirt he is folding, seating himself beside the brunette. Eren leans in closer, lowering his eyes as Armin closes some of the distance. They don't kiss a lot, mainly because Eren can only handle so much affection at once, but it's been a long time, and he wants so badly to be close to the blonde, wanting endless confirmation that the boy actually _loves_ him...

More importantly, he wants to show it.

Every time the words resurface, he stumbles over them and fails to get his message across, and though Armin assures him that it's alright, he can't escape the tightness in his chest, the yearning for something that will be _enough._

Eren traces a delicate kiss along Armin's jaw, ghosting his temples and his eyelashes, grazing his nose as their lips finally meet. _I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you._ Eren wraps an arm around Armin's waist awkwardly, the kiss deepening into something more, something that makes Eren's head spin in a good way. A dizzying rush of indescribable feeling buzzes in his fingertips, as they delicately sweep along Armin's spine. This is when Eren realizes that he is lying on his back, with Armin on top of him. It's unfamiliar territory, but he's okay with it. He likes this type of unfamiliar.

Armin pulls away first, starting to see stars from lack of oxygen. He stares down at the brunette, cheeks flushed ruby red and hand resting on Armin's hip. Eren is embarrassed, but he can forget that, because Armin's calm, comforting gaze steadies his frantic breathing.

"Too much?" the blonde whispers. Eren shakes his head. _No, it was perfect. It was just enough._

Armin takes Eren's face into the palm of his hand, and the boy leans into the touch, closing his eyes. Armin studies him in this moment, tracing over his relaxed features, dark olive skin marked with tiny imperfections. His eyes trace his delicate lashes, the curve of his nose, and the way his mouth rests in a contented upturn. Every little thing about Eren overwhelms him, in a good way.

"Can I kiss you again?" Armin's voice is soft, barely a whisper. Eren nods, smile widening. So they kiss for a while, content to exist in their little bubble of reality, just for the moment.

•     •     •

Sitting in third period that Monday, Eren feels ready. He and Miss Petra have practiced his French so much, and he has practiced a way to block everybody out, only focusing on his words.

Mr. Levi waltzes into the room, pulling up their daily conversation. Christa, Eren's new desk partner, smiles angelically, greeting Eren in a chipper tone. "You can write your answers if you want to!" she exclaims, pointing to her notebook. She's so kind to him.

"Alright, now let's see here," Mr. Levi begins, eyes scanning the room for someone to answer the first question. "How about..." He locks eyes with the brunette boy for a millisecond, before he glances hurriedly back down at his paper. Gaze resting upon him, Mr. Levi points in his direction. "Eren. _Tu as passé un bon weekend?_ "

Jumping into action, Eren processes the words quickly before he prepares to say his answer. He makes a small noise in the back of his throat, nearly reaching the form of words. He grasps onto this, trying to force them out, say anything...

"U-u-um..." This catches his classmates' attention, their interest piquing as they turn to the spectacle.

Eren blocks them out. He blocks everyone and everything out, knowing all he has to do is say the words. Come on. Just say it. " _J-j'ai p-passé..._ " He trails off, his hands retreating into his sleeves, palms drenched in sweat. " _E-er...u-un bon w-w-weekend._ "

Eren releases a sigh of relief that echoes throughout the room. _I did it._

"Can you speak up?"

Eren curses him for being so cruel, taunting him when he knows it's already hard enough. The second time he tries it, it's even quieter. Silence reverberates throughout the room, Eren's classmates fascinated by the tiny, raspy voice that emits from his mouth.

Mr. Levi stares him down, considering whether or not to let him have it. Finally, he nods. "Very good, Eren. _Trés bien._ "

As class winds to an end, Mr. Levi beckons Eren to his desk. It's meticulously organized, everything carefully polished, and in a set order. This is what Eren observes as the man begins to speak. "Good work today," he remarks, stern expression softening a bit. "Keep it up, and you can earn a high grade in here. You have potential, and I know that. So keep working at it."

Eren nods, a small gesture of appreciation. _Thank you._ He flees the classroom and blends into the stream of people, heart hammering in his chest.

• • •

French class runs by smoothly throughout the next two weeks, with Eren's progress only increasing. Though it only comes millimeter by millimeter, Eren accepts the tiny amounts of progress eagerly. When Christa says, "Wow, Eren, your accent is so good! You're like a natural!" Eren gets a huge confidence boost, and feels ready to take on any question that comes his way.

Not every class is going so well for him, however. With Connie's arm in a cast and constant, deathly glare a daily reminder of the fight from weeks prior, Eren takes to going to stay in the nurse's office for fourth period. It's when Eren has missed three days of class in a row, including a test, that she knows something is wrong. She sends Jean, her trusty messenger, to go retrieve him.

The sandy-haired boy enters the nurse's office, coughing awkwardly. Eren is sitting cross-legged on the cot, bent over his sketchbook as his pencil moves rapidly. He glances up, startled, at the noise, and then promptly looks away with a blush.

"Um, dude," he begins. "You gotta be in class."

Eren shrugs, hair falling in his face as he starts to sketch again. "Uh, seriously," Jean continues, crossing his arms loosely. "Miss Petra sent me. To come get you, or whatever. So...come on."

Eren flips to a blank page in his sketchbook, scrawling out a response rapidly. _I don't want to._

"Well...why not?" Jean steps closer, observing the writing to be sure he has read it right.

_Connie keeps glaring at me._

"I mean, you broke his arm." Jean shrugs with a half-smile. "That'll make people hate you."

_He already hated me. I'm scared of him anyway. I don't want to go back._

At this point, Jean takes a seat beside Eren on the cot, putting a hand on his shoulder, hesitantly. Eren is hyperaware of the touch, tensing at how gentle it is. _Why is Jean being nice to me?_ he wonders. _He never noticed me before._

"Connie's a shrimp, he can't hurt you," Jean says honestly. "I mean, he's like, terrified of you now. You think you're scared, but he's like, ten times worse. It's hilarious. Somebody had to put him in his place."

Eren is puzzled. _What do you mean?_ he writes. _I thought he was your friend._

"Eh...not really. He's a dick, he gets on my nerves. I'm trying to get out of that group, honestly." He sighs, leaning back against the wall as his hand falls back to his side. "It's harder than it seems."

Eren doesn't respond to this, not sure how to. Jean is silent for a moment, before he clears his throat awkwardly.

"Uh, what were you drawing?" he asks innocently.

Eren feels anxiety deep in his gut at these words, bubbling to the surface. He never shows his drawings of Armin to anyone _but_ Armin, being able to trust the blonde so much. Mikasa has seen a few, but Armin has seen so many, countless sketches—rough sketches, or faint ones, or ones so in depth that Armin is so amazed, taking Eren's hands and telling him he is so gifted. Jean notices the prominent blush on Eren's cheeks, creeping up to his ears, and grimaces, feeling a bit guilty for asking. "Oh, er—sorry. I shouldn't have asked. It's none of my business."

Now it's Eren's turn to feel guilty, afraid he has offended Jean so soon. Quickly, he flips to the previous page and practically throws it at Jean, who chuckles at Eren's sporadic actions, picking it up in steady hands.

Jean's hazel eyes trace over the lines of the drawing, slightly messy but still very coordinated, flowing together into a larger shape. It's just a side view of Armin's face, but Eren can hardly look, hiding his face behind his sleeve so he won't have to face Jean's reaction. Little does he know, the other male is gawking at it, barely able to find the words to express how stunning it is.

Finally, he speaks. "Jesus Christ, man, this is fucking spectacular!"

The sudden emotion in his voice startles Eren, who looks up, retreating from his hiding place in his hands. Jean is staring at him with wide eyes, a million different emotions crossing his face.

Eren smiles awkwardly, shrugging and shaking his head. "No, it really is," the boy reiterates. "I didn't know you were this good at art stuff."

Eren flips back to the page containing his side of their conversation, preparing for more questions. He didn't prepare for the next one, however. "So...who is that you're drawing?"

Eren tenses, unsure of whether or not he should be honest. Then he decides, _fuck it, I'm gonna tell him._

 _My boyfriend_ , Eren scribbles. Jean is rendered silent once more, the wheels in his head working to piece the situation together.

 _He doesn't go here. He's in college_ , Eren continues to write. _But he graduated a year early, so he was seventeen when he went in. Now he's eighteen. And I'll be seventeen soon. So it's not weird, just in case you were thinking that._

Jean reads Eren's writing carefully, breaking out into a small smile. "No, no, I don't think it's weird at all." He pauses, considering his words. "That's nice, that you have someone. I always felt bad, since you're always alone. So that's cool."

Eren smiles, and Jean swears the room grows brighter.

The two boys make it back for the latter half of class. When Miss Petra questions them as to where they have been, Jean answers that he couldn't find Eren for a long time, a blatant lie that their teacher is too preoccupied to process. As class winds to an end and Eren is hurriedly stuffing his books in his backpack, Jean approaches him as the room clears entirely.

"Hey dude," he says, putting a hand on Eren's shoulder that startles him into oblivion. "Whoops, sorry, didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to let you know that if you ever need someone at school to talk to, or whatever, I'm your man. I know how people are, so I don't know, I figured I might as well offer?" He shrugs nonchalantly, swinging his backpack over his shoulder as Eren smiles down at the floor, fiddling with the strings on his hoodie. "Anyway...I'll see you around." Eren listens to Jean's footsteps as the boy walks briskly from the classroom, leaving Eren alone with the possibility that he may have made a new friend.

•     •     •

Armin is so loaded busy with schoolwork that he can't see Eren for the next week, leaving the brunette inside of his room to sulk. On one particular evening of sulking, Grisha enters Eren's bedroom, opening the door a sliver before peeking his head in. His owl-like eyes peer ominously at Eren through his wire-rimmed glasses, usual judgement gone from his features.

"Uh, hello," he mumbles, clearing his throat before continuing. "I'll be away on business when your birthday rolls around, so...come on, get dressed in something presentable. You, me, and your sister are going out for a very early birthday dinner."

Shocked at this offer, as Eren can hardly get a present out of his father on his birthday, he nods, never looking away until the door clicks shut and he is left in the silence once again.

A half an hour later, Eren and Grisha are standing outside of l Eren's favorite Korean barbecue restaurant, which he coincidentally went to with Annie and Mikasa on his birthday one year prior. His actual birthday is more than a month away, but he doesn't care, reveling in the excuse to get one of his favorite kinds of food. The tension between the pair is so thick, however, almost unbearable. Eren silently wills Mikasa to hurry up and end the awkward atmosphere...

A minute later, Mikasa strolls up the busy street, wearing a sleek red dress that suits her frame nicely. On her feet are black flats with tiny spikes adorning them. She has linked arms with Annie, who Eren is surprised to see. Annie wears an army green jumpsuit with black converse, her hair tied into a neat bun to expose the shaved sides of her head, and all of the piercings in her ears. Together, they look stunning, but Eren can't help but worry at his father's reaction to Annie's presence at the dinner. Grisha has always had trouble accepting Mikasa's "alternative lifestyle".

"Hi Eren!" the girlfriends exclaim in unison, beaming at the boy, who smiles shyly back. "You look adorable!" Eren adjusts his bowtie nervously, not used to dressing up. Then Mikasa trains her gaze on the man who towers above them all, a stiffness in his mannerisms as he opens the door for everyone to file inside. "Hello, Grisha," she greets him, in a voice that seems to challenge him to object to her bringing Annie along. Instead, he just forces a smile and returns the greeting.

Eren is happiest and most comfortable once he is scarfing down flavorful meat, rice, and vegetables. He manages to outright ignore the debate between Grisha and Mikasa, instead focusing on the meal he is enjoying.

"How's Armin been lately?" Annie asks softly over Mikasa and Grisha's yelling match, nudging Eren to get his attention. "You guys have been talking, right? You didn't fight or anything, right?"

Eren shakes his head. "Busy," he mumbles through a mouthful of food. Annie grimaces at his habit, laughing as she shoves his shoulder playfully. Eren finishes chewing, giving her a mini-shove back. "H-he's okay, though. J-just behind on a l-lot of work, so...h-he said w-we couldn't see each other th-this week." Eren reaches to serve himself more food. "Th-the week's al-almost over, though."

"Hey...you can see him tonight, if you want," Annie says with a smirk, and Eren raises an eyebrow, already having shoveled more food into his mouth.

"Huh?"

The blonde girl laughs, icy blue eyes glinting in the light. "Mikasa and I are going to the movies later, after this. You don't have school tomorrow, obviously, since it's Saturday, so if you want to come along, you can bring Armin..."

Eren stares at her quizzically, the pieces not fitting together in his brain. "B-but h-he's working," the brunette says slowly, as if Annie has missed the point.

"I know that, but you can text him and ask him to come. The worst he can do is say no."

Eren shakes his head willfully. Grisha and Mikasa are still preoccupied, the argument shifting from politics to the Supreme Court ruling that legalized same sex marriage. "I-I don't wanna bother him," he mumbles. The waiter appears, refilling Eren's iced tea. While he is quietly distracted, Annie spots his phone in front of him on the table and grabs it. It's unlocked, as Eren was scrolling through some website, and Annie clicks out of it, opening up a new message to Armin.

**Hey Armin! This is Annie. I was taking Mikasa and Eren to the movies at eight, and Eren wants you to come. He missed you a lot this week and wants to see you, if you have time out of your busy schedule? Let me know ;)**

In the instant that she hits send Eren notices what she's done, and he snatches his phone away in a silent protest, reading over the message with wide eyes. Sending her a pointed glare, he sets his phone down, crossing his arms over his chest and waiting impatiently for a reply.

Armin types for a minute before a reply comes: **Thanks for the offer!!! I would love to come, all of these equations are giving me a headache!!! What's the theater? I can meet you guys there!!! :)**

Annie sends Eren a self-satisfied smirk, to which he rolls his eyes, trying to suppress a smile.

Grisha, surprisingly, permits Eren to go to the movies without a single protest. He leaves in a taxi, leaving Mikasa, Annie, and Eren to themselves again. Mikasa huffs, beginning to rant about how infuriating he is, the other two listening silently as they make their way to the car.

Eren is waiting impatiently by the door in the theater lobby as Mikasa and Annie get tickets. He is staring at the floor, feeling increasingly self-conscious as the minutes tick by. There is a hand at his elbow that makes him jump, before he realizes that he recognizes the soft touch, and looks up with a grin at Armin.

"Hi!" the blonde exclaims. He looks well-rested, despite the fact that he has probably been working for hours on end. He beams at Eren, wrapping him up in a comforting embrace that the brunette boy returns immediately. They exchange no more words, Armin taking Eren's hand in his own as they head over to where Annie and Mikasa are buying the tickets. They greet Armin ecstatically, before they all get snacks and file into the theater where their movie is showing.

Eren usually hates going to the movies. Sitting amongst a crowd of people while trying to get emotionally invested in the film playing before him is difficult, and usually causes him too much anxiety to bear. Tonight, though, things are different. The theater is quiet, with the only other people there being an old couple who sit in the front. Armin holds his hand, and Eren is able to relax, leaning back in his seat and reveling in the tranquil atmosphere as the movie starts to play.

Nights like these should last forever.


	12. Chapter 12

Weeks pass without much difficulty. Eren wakes one rainy morning with the realization that it's his birthday.

His phone buzzes on his bedside table, and he reaches for it, seeing a new message from Mikasa.

**Let us in!**

With a quiet chuckle, Eren slides out of bed, slipping his favorite hoodie on top of his t-shirt. He's too lazy to dig through his clothing and search for sweatpants, so he marches out of his room still only in his boxers and socks, feeling okay since he is mostly covered. Besides, it's only Annie and Mikasa. They won't mind.

Unlocking the front door with a soft click, Eren opens it wide, revealing Annie, holding a huge chocolate cake, and Mikasa, holding a gift bag in her arms. They're both beaming excitedly, and Eren allows himself to smile back.

"Happy birthday, dude!" Annie practically screams, breaking the silence. "You're one year closer to being an adult! That's crazy!"

He giggles at this, allowing her to pass by him. Mikasa places a gentle hand on his shoulder, kissing his hair. "Happy birthday, Eren," she whispers.

Eren goes to shut the door when he notices that there is another figure standing there, and he turns fully to see that it is Armin, smiling sheepishly with a carefully-wrapped present in his hands. He wears red jeans and a sky blue button-down, hair pushed back to reveal his small, pale ears. "Hey," he says, taking in the other boy's appearance.

The first thought that strikes Armin upon observing the brunette is that his legs are cute. They're long, spindly legs connected to a pair of chubby thighs, slightly paler than the skin on his face and arms. Armin has never seen him in anything except pants. Eren is blushing, just a bit mortified at his state of dress in front of his boyfriend.

Armin steps inside, setting the present down and enveloping Eren in his arms. "Happy birthday, rocket man," he says with a grin, and Eren hugs him back, laughing softly as he relaxes into the blonde's embrace.

Eren is settled down with a giant slice of cake, devouring it with reckless abandon. Mikasa places her gift bag on the coffee table in front of him.

"It's from Annie and me," she informs him, with an eager smile. "I know it's not much, but...I figured you would really enjoy all of it."

Inside the gift bag is a lavender candle, a mug designed to look like a dog's face, a set of oil pastels, and a star-shaped pillow that lights up. It's simple, and it's the kind of gift Eren appreciates. It incorporates all of the little things he loves into one neat bundle. "Th-thank you, Mika," he murmurs with a big smile, standing and hugging her. "Th-thanks, Annie." She extends a hand to him, and they high-five.

Armin approaches him next, holding out his intricately-wrapped, rectangular gift to Eren. His eyes are wide and hopeful as he bites his lip and takes a seat right beside him. Armin watches him carefully as he unwraps the present, slowly but surely, until...

In his hands is a record player. It is well-worn with time, the outer covering a faded red. Eren studies the curves and edges of the cover, running his fingers along as he goes. This feels like a dream.

Underneath it is one record that Eren recognizes right away—it's the Elton John Greatest Hits album.

He sits in silence for quite a few moments, studying the gifts in pure astonishment. "Um—the record player was my grandfather's," Armin begins awkwardly, wanting to break the silence. "He...he said I could give it to you. I bought the vinyl myself, but..."

Tears well up in Eren's eyes at the rush of memories that surge forth with the appearance of the record player in front of him. At this point, Mikasa has noticed and hurries over, putting a hand on his arm.

"Eren?" she whispers hesitantly. "Are you okay?"

The brunette nods, hands shaking as he reaches up to wipe tears from his face. "Y-yeah," he chokes out, cutting through the thick silence of the room. "A-Armin, th-this is amazing. Thank you." It's perfect, actually. So perfect, he can't seem to express it in words.

Armin wraps an arm around Eren's shoulders in a small hug. "I'm glad you like it," he says.

As much as Eren longs to kiss the boy next to him, he feels a bit self-conscious, both with the presence of his sister and her girlfriend, as well as the chocolate cake residue that is smeared around his mouth. So he saves the kiss for later, instead leaning his head on Armin's shoulder, sighing contentedly.

Eventually Mikasa and Annie leave the boys alone, after an hour of small-talk and eating cake. Now it is quiet between them, Armin mulling over insignificant things in his head. Lately his thoughts have been plagued with equations,  clogging the space in his brain and making it impossible to think of anything else. Sitting in the silence with Eren, the chaotic loudness seems to dissipate like the reigning in of the ocean tide.

"I want to take you somewhere," Armin murmurs into the fabric of Eren's hoodie. He stands suddenly, his movements weighed down by fatigue but his spirit lively. Eren watches as his blue eyes light up, the room subsequently brightening.

"Let's go to the beach!"

Eren snorts, raising an eyebrow quizzically. "I-it's not e-even April, Ar, i-it'll be cold."

Armin smiles delightedly at the nickname. Eren has been using it more and more frequently lately. "I know, but it'll be fun! When was the last time you went?"

Eren considers this, nose wrinkling as he thinks. "Um...not since..." He clears his throat, shaking his head to rid himself of the resurfacing memories. "N-nevermind. I-it's been a while. Like...years."

Armin steps forward, taking Eren's hands as he gazes earnestly into his eyes. "Please let me take you. It'll be fun, and there won't be like, any people there!"

Simply because of Armin's pleading, Eren agrees to going to the beach, and proceeds to his room to brush his hair and put on pants. Soon after, the two boys are venturing out of the building towards Armin's car, hands intertwined and swinging at their sides. Eren feels content, the late March air surprisingly warmer than he expected. A breeze blows through Armin's hair, tousling the blonde strands in the cutest way.

Despite his tired features, Armin appears incredibly, genuinely happy. Eren watches him with deep admiration as he starts the car, a tiny, excited smile creeping up on his face. He switches on the radio, which is already tuned to Eren's favorite station, blaring Dreams by Fleetwood Mac. Armin begins to chatter animatedly about how beautiful the ocean is, and all of the interesting and strange life within it, his hands coming up from the steering wheel to gesture wildly as Eren chuckles softly to himself. He would ask for no other way to spend his birthday than with the blonde boy beside him, his overwhelming sadness forgotten amongst the thrill of the ocean waves.

The car rumbles up into an empty parking lot fifteen minutes later, clear blue skies opening up to a vast stretch of sand. Beyond lies endless, deep blue waters, rolling waves splashing against the sand.

Armin bounces excitedly in his seat. "We're here!" he exclaims, unbuckling his seatbelt with haste. He practically throws the car door open, kicking his shoes off and dashing across the sand until he notices that Eren isn't with him. "Come on!" he calls after the brunette, beaming excitedly over his shoulder.

Armin winds down eventually, the crisp, icy water washing over their feet as they walk along the wet sand. They talk about everything—their hopes, fears, and wildest dreams, until Eren's stutter fades into nothingness and Armin closes his eyes blissfully, basking in the sun's welcoming rays. He feels so connected with Armin, both in the little things, like his fear of the dark, or his love of glitter and cacti, and the big things, like how scared he is of abandonment, or his trust issues, or the way he pushes away help when he needs it the most. Eren remembers what Miss Petra said, about finding someone to love his imperfections. Eren knows with overwhelming sureness that he loves each and every one of Armin's imperfections. He loves everything about Armin. He loves _Armin._

Eren's heart is full to bursting with feelings for the boy. Looking upon him then, smiling radiantly in the light of the sun, his feelings are clearer and more present than ever before. He doesn't realize he is speaking until the words have already left his lips.

"I love you, Armin."

Armin stops walking altogether, freezing in place as the words register, Eren shocked into silence that he has even uttered them. "W-wait," the blonde boy begins, eyes wide and intently focused on the boy in front of him. "Y-you said—"

"I-I said...th-that I love you."

Before either of them can react properly to this reality, of Eren saying the words he has been itching to say for so long, Armin has tackled him in an embrace, which literally knocks him backwards onto the wet sand. They fall over in a fit of giggles, before Armin presses a lingering kiss to his lips.

"I love you too," he whispers, over the crashing waves. "I wish I had a better way to say it."

"D-don't say it," Eren murmurs. "Just kiss me instead."

Armin scoffs playfully, leaning in. The kiss is interrupted, however, by a giant wave that comes out of nowhere, crashing down right beside them and dousing them in freezing cold water. Armin screeches, laughing as he jumps to his feet and starts running back, towards the car. Eren follows, stumbling after the blonde through the unsteady footing of the sand.

Once inside the car, Eren is shivering, his teeth chattering as the cold of the water seizes his body. Armin is hastily changing into dry clothes they brought for this very reason, and Eren is staring down at his lap, his legs bouncing in his soaked jeans.

"Here," Armin says, handing Eren a stack of neatly-folded clothing. "Wear these."

Eren squints at him through uncertain eyes, watching as he adjusts the hood of his oversized sweatshirt. "Um...d-don't look, okay?" the brunette requests in a small voice, almost apologetically.

Armin covers his eyes with his sleeves. "Got it."

Slowly, Eren peels off every inch of his clothing until he only wears his underwear, quickly toweling off before throwing on the dry clothing. He yanks on his socks and shoes, finally warm enough for his shivering to stop. "Okay," he says quietly. Armin uncovers his eyes, sending Eren a smile.

The close proximity of the car doesn't help the ever-rising tension between them. Eren hasn't forgotten that kiss, and neither has Armin, apparently, as he shifts closer, closing the small distance. Eren can't help it—he initiates the kiss, in a clumsy and awkward manner. Armin immediately reciprocates, cool hands sliding underneath Eren's shirt, his touch like electricity. Every nerve in Eren's body feels like it's on fire, his grip tightening around Armin's waist as the kiss deepens, and all he wants is to be closer. Something deep in the back of his mind is screaming at him to panic, because the situation is like nothing he has encountered before, but he ignores it. Eren is drunk on kisses, and the realization that this is probably the most heated and intimate physical exchange that they have ever shared, all of the tentativeness from both sides melting away. Eren is strangely content with this, content enough to let Armin's hands wander as his thoughts disappear completely, allowing himself to fall all the way onto his back...

That is, until there is a loud smacking sound, accompanied by a searing pain in the back of Eren's head.

Armin stops, everything stops, everything going still as Eren yelps, clutching his head and writhing in pain. He sits up abruptly, squeezing his eyes shut as Armin's voice finally registers: "Oh shit. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." He trails off, turning Eren's head to assess the damage. He's fine, but it doesn't hurt any less, the impact from slamming his head on the side of the car door being enough to cause that pain.

"I'm sorry," Armin repeats, his tone pitifully guilty. "Um...are you okay?"

Eren allows his eyes to open slowly, adjusting to the sunlight that streams into the car as he meets the blonde's eyes. His are watering with the pain, but he manages a nod, chuckling slightly at the ridiculousness of the situation.

"I-I wasn't thinking straight, I don't know...I shouldn't have—"

"I-it's okay, Ar," Eren reassures him, forgetting the throbbing in his head for a moment to put a hand on Armin's in a comforting gesture. "I'm okay."

They head home after that, the pain slowly ebbing away as the minutes tick by on the car ride. The radio is playing more softly now, a soothing song playing, but Eren is still very flustered from their exchange from before, staring out the window to avoid the odd twinge in his stomach every time he even looks at the blonde. Eren has never really thought about sex before. It always seemed like a strange, foreign thing that would always be out of reach. Now, though, he isn't sure.

"Everything okay?" Armin's voice asks sweetly. "You're really quiet."

"U-uh—" Eren cuts himself off, heaving a sigh. "Y-yeah, I-I'm fine."

"Hey, it's around lunchtime, want to go eat something?"

Eren chews his lip. "Um...okay."

The rest of their day is spent visiting shops in the city, until they eat a small dinner and finally return to their respective homes. Armin bids Eren farewell with a kiss goodbye, and as soon as his door closes Eren sprints back to Mikasa and Annie's apartment, breathing heavily as the door slams shut.

"Hey, Eren!" Mikasa greets him, trying to judge where his anxiety might be coming from based on his stilted breathing and awkward fidgeting. "Did you two have fun today?"

He nods wordlessly, a strange grimace finding its way onto his face.

"Did you have a good birthday?"

Eren nods again, shuffling away from the door with haste.

"If you need to talk about anything, just let me know, okay?"

Eren scoffs like this notion is ridiculous, retreating to his room to look over the things he bought while they were out.

Eren draws to ease the strange frustration pent up inside of him, his pencil not flowing across the paper, instead scraping lines that connect messily into a human face. He is starting to get a headache again, but he ignores it, instead pouring himself into the haphazard sketch. He draws the vast ocean, the two of them facing it with hands holding onto each other and heads held high. He draws the big, angry wave, and Armin running away, staring over his shoulder with laughter embedded into his features. Eren stops, admiring the detailed sketch, before shutting his sketchbook and switching off his lamp. The muddled feelings in his gut from before have disappeared, leaving him serene. Eren drifts off with the knowledge that although his birthday was bizarre, it was perfect regardless.

And it was all thanks to Armin.


	13. Chapter 13

April brings constant rain. Eren trudges to school every morning, hopping over puddles and huddling with his pink umbrella clutched close to his chest. He hears Connie scoff one particular morning as he marches up the steps to the school building, directing this disdain at the color of his umbrella. Eren could not care less, because honestly? Eren loves the color pink, and he doesn't see a single thing wrong with that.

"Eren!" a deep male voice exclaims, footsteps thudding towards Eren's locker. The brunette looks up with a start, directing his gaze towards the male who dashes towards his locker, limbs flailing wildly. Rolling his eyes with a smile, Eren slams his locker shut, turning to face the frantic boy in front of him.

"H-hi Jean," he greets him softly.

Jean grins, leaning against the lockers to catch his breath. "Hey man. So...crazy story. This is gonna seem like a dick move, but like...did you do the worksheet for anatomy? 'Cause I lost mine and I am fucked..."

Rolling his eyes again, Eren rifles around in his backpack before unearthing the sheet Jean needs, crumpled up but in relatively decent condition. "Thank you _so_ much. I feel shitty about copying your work like this...I gotta make it up to you, man."

They start to walk. Eren shrugs at this, having no opinion either way. "No, I'm serious!" Jean runs a hand through his hair, a strange habit he adopts when he's thinking. "Hey, they're having movies for five dollars this Saturday, wanna go?"

Jean and Eren haven't actually hung out outside of school before. This is due to the fact that Eren took a while to warm up to the boy, and since Jean wanted to respect his boundaries, he never proposed these things. But now he is serious, eyes wide in earnest, wanting to truly make it up to his friend. Eren smiles apologetically, staring down at his notebook in slight embarrassment. Having to turn down Jean's invitation gives him more anxiety than he knows how to deal with.

"U-um...I w-want to, b-but...I-I promised Armin..."

Jean holds out a hand, expression of understanding blooming throughout his features. "Say no more. I'm not gonna get in the way of you guys. Don't worry about it."

"S-sorry," Eren mumbles, guilt making his chest tighten.

Jean claps a hand onto Eren's shoulder, startling him a bit. "It's _okay._ Honestly. Have fun. We can plan for another time."

Eren allows himself to smile, looking up to meet Jean's eye. The other male towers over him, but he doesn't mind. He feels reassured, walking through the hallways with someone so tall. He wishes he could have the same carefree attitude as Jean does.

Eren is looking forward to his weekend with Armin immensely, however. The blonde has convinced him to watch all eight Harry Potter movies with him in a marathon. It's kind of ridiculous, and Eren knows that, but he's perfectly okay with this fact.

Jean encounters Eren after school again, just as Eren is exiting the building. Armin's silver car waits for him, rain streaking the windshield and sliding off the hood. Armin waves enthusiastically, and Jean nudges Eren in the side, startling him.

"Hey, is that him? Is that Armin?" Jean quizzes, peering at Eren from his place under his umbrella. Eren nods, biting his lip to hide his smile. "Could I like, meet him?"

Eren nods, sending a glance back towards the blonde. Jean follows him down the steps and to the curb, where Armin waits.

Noticing Eren is accompanied by a taller, lankier boy, Armin rolls the window down. Rainy, sticky air filters into the warm car.

"Hi," Armin greets the two, smiling at Eren's shy manner as he bites his lip and hides beneath a curtain of hair.

"Hello!" Jean greets him, sending Armin a toothy grin. "I'm Jean. Eren tells me tons of stuff about you, so I kinda just wanted to meet you. I don't know, that might be weird."

Armin takes in the appearance of the other male, his damp, sandy-brown undercut and hazel eyes trained on the blonde in earnest friendliness. Eren has definitely mentioned that he has made a friend, but hasn't gone into much more detail. Armin is fascinated by this new reality, finally piecing together the situation.

"No, it's not weird," Armin says with a little laugh. "It's nice to meet you." He smirks. "So. What does Eren say about me?"

"Well, he says you're smart, and you talk about really interesting things, and you're going to be an astrophysicist, and you're prettiest when you smile—"

Eren interjects, eyes wide, by whacking Jean in the arm with his umbrella, which he has closed by now. The taller boy rubs his arm and sends Eren a puzzled glance, to which the brunette blushes furiously.

Armin laughs again. "Okay. I was just curious. Sorry Eren." Eren crosses his arms in an indignant, childlike manner. "Do you want to get going? It was seriously nice meeting you, Jean. It's really cool that Eren has a friend to talk to while he's at school. So, thanks, I guess?"

Jean shrugs. "It's no problem. Eren is so genuine. I hung out with super hypermasculine, just plain rude guys before. I was sort of a dick in the past, but I wanted to change. I guess I have Eren to thank for that, since now I'm a way less toxic person."

Eren's face is burning, the discovery that he is the influence for a breakthrough in Jean's life being rather overwhelming. Jean opens the door for him and ushers him into the car, he and Armin exchanging a few more friendly words before the blonde rolls up the window and starts to pull out. Eren watches as Jean waves, before striding away and disappearing.

"Eren, that's so cool!" Armin exclaims, turning to the brunette with a brilliant smile. "You should've told me! I'm so happy for you, he seems really nice."

"Yeah, he is," Eren mumbles, with a little shrug. "I-it all happened so suddenly."

They arrive at Armin's place just a minute later, where the blonde gets to properly greet him with a hug. "Hey, how are you feeling?" he asks softly. He knows how bad Eren's anxiety has been lately, which is the main reason he has proposed this movie marathon. He wants to make sure he can relax and be okay.

"I'm fine," Eren whispers, breathing in Armin's familiar lavender scent. "Y-you don't have to worry about me, you know."

Armin shakes his head, holding Eren a little bit tighter. "I'm your boyfriend. It's my job."

Eren laughs a little, squeezing his eyes shut as he enjoys the moment. Finally, Armin releases him and sends him a smile reserved only for him, which makes a wave of butterflies flutter rapidly through his stomach. "Come on, let's watch movies!" he proclaims.

Four movies later, it is nearly one in the morning and they have just finished the Goblet of Fire. Armin is fighting sleep, the warmth and comfort of the heap of blankets on top of them and Eren's arms surrounding him coaxing him into a never-ending drowsiness. But Eren isn't tired at all, judging from his heart rate and his inability to fully relax as Armin has. As the credits start to roll, Armin sits up, untangling himself from the mess of blankets to fully look at the brunette. He can see him clearly, as they have the lights on, per Eren's request.

Armin notices his slight frown, the curve of his lips angled downward, as well as the distress dancing in his eyes. He can't fight the concern that knots its way through his entire body as Eren's eyes dart away quickly, his lower lip trembling as the tears start up. Armin wasn't prepared for this.

"What's wrong?" the blonde whispers frantically as Eren chokes on a sob, struggling to breathe in the room that suddenly feels like it's closing in on him. Eren hides his face behind his sweatshirt sleeve, hating that Armin is seeing him cry.

"I-I k-keep having th-these dreams...a-about m-my mom..." Eren swallows, trying but failing to regulate his breathing. His voice is muffled in his sleeve, a sharp pain reverberating through his chest. He only cries harder, curling into himself and burying his face in his knees.

This is a new area, and a new boundary being crossed. Eren and Armin have never had a proper conversation about Eren's mother. Just like Mikasa said, he essentially becomes paralyzed at the simple mention of her.

"Do you...want to...talk about the dreams?" Armin asks hesitantly, afraid that prying too much will break him. But Eren simply shakes his head, burrowing deeper and deeper into himself.

"I m-miss her," he wails, now fully gone. Armin almost considers calling Mikasa, who would know how to handle the situation much better than he knows how to.

Not knowing how else to pull Eren out of this, Armin puts a hand on his elbow, gently, guiding him to unravel and stand. He extends a hand as the brunette uses his sleeve to wipe away the steady stream of tears from his face.

"Want to take a walk?" Armin offers sweetly. He realizes that the fresh air may help, and he also remembers how Annie did the same, that day in the hospital months ago. Eren rubs at his eyes, nodding slowly. So, despite the fact that it's one in the morning, the two boys link hands and exit the apartment to take a walk.

The night is quiet, the two finding solace in the inky darkness around them. They splash through tiny puddles, water soaking through their sneakers. Eren still sniffles, reaching up to wipe his eyes every so often. Armin's heart feels heavy watching him, in his honest pain. They share in the silence for a while, before Armin speaks up.

"I know how hard it is," he whispers, voice seeming to echo down the empty side street. "When I lost my parents...I knew nothing was going to be the same every again. It was terrifying. I felt like I couldn't go on. But my grandpa...he helped me to realize that my life has purpose. Everything I'm living for has meaning. They would want me to go on. And in time, though I would never get over their loss, I grew stronger. And things became okay."

Eren sniffs. "Y-you never told me that," he points out, his voice still strained from his tears.

"It's hard to talk about. So I know...how much it hurts. It hurts every day, I'm not gonna lie. But...I got through it. And you have to. It will always be hard, but you're going to be okay." Armin stops, turning to face the brunette and taking his trembling hands in his own. "You're strong."

Eren shakes his head, scrunching up his eyes in discomfort. "I'm not."

"You are," Armin insists, but his tone is gentle. He studies Eren's broken expression, cradling his face in his delicate palm, touch as soft as flower petals. "You've always been."

Tiny droplets of rain begin to strike the pavement, and Eren looks up, at the water that is beginning to pour down from the sky. The rain mingles with his tears, dripping down his nose and off his chin.

"Hey, you know what would be really cliche?" Armin begins, his voice rising above the noise of the rain. Eren shakes his head. "If we kissed right now."

This causes a smile to bloom on the brunette's face. It's small and unsure, but Armin feels successful in being able to cheer him up, if only minimally.

Eren is shy and nervous in his movements. "C-can we...?"

"Of course," Armin says, smiling endearingly. He steps forward, closing the distance between them as their lips meet in a soft, gentle kiss. Armin pulls away, laughing at the outrageousness of it all. Eren initiates the next one, more insistent, yet still carrying an innocent hesitance to it. It's strange, with the rain beating down their backs and soaking them to their very core, but Eren can't possibly find it in him to worry in that moment. All of the problems of the past fade away, leaving him in a suspended state of tranquility.

They return to Armin's place eventually, change into new clothes and finally lay down to go to sleep. Armin is exhausted, fatigue weighing down every single cell in his body. He drifts off immediately, while Eren lies awake for awhile, staring at the ceiling as thoughts swirl around in his head.

•     •     •

Eren and Armin sleep well into the morning and wake in the early afternoon. Too lazy to move from the comforts of Armin's bed, they lounge there for while, sharing a comfortable silence. Eren is in a considerably better mood, his spirits lifted from the walk and conversation from the previous night.

Relief flows through Eren as he realizes he doesn't need to rush home when they finish the final four movies. Grisha is on another one of his trips. These are becoming more and more frequent lately. All Eren really knows about his job is that he travels to a bunch of huge science labs across the country. He doesn't really care that much, having more important things on his mind. He can't help but feel a nagging suspicion at the growing frequency of these trips, however.

The pair finishes the other four movies and at that point, it is after midnight and they are both exhausted again. Armin flops down and falls asleep, and yet again, Eren lies awake. This time, however, to remedy the constant stream of thoughts, he sketches until they go away. With all of the Harry Potter madness drifting through his consciousness, he finds himself sketching some scenes from the stores he particularly liked until he grows tired enough to sleep, too.

Eren could say he is satisfied with his life at the moment, but there is always something eating away at him, a nagging dissatisfaction that can't be quenched no matter what. He loves Armin with everything he has, and he loves his sister and her girlfriend with just the same amount. His heart is split into equal pieces, with each important individual in his life taking a piece and adhering to it forever.

Eren still loves his mom. Although not physically present, he likes to imagine where she might be. Armin tells him about how he hopes that he becomes a star when he dies, and reside amongst all of the other souls in all of the other stars to form galaxies. Armin is not religious, but he likes the though of an afterlife, even if it isn't with thoughts and a consciousness. Eren likes this idea, but he isn't sure. The past two nights, reflecting on these ideas have made his heart heavy and his emotions a muddled mess. He doesn't know how to feel about anything. Without his mother around to fulfill his love, his heart feels like it has a gaping hole inside of it. 

_Why can't things ever get easier?_ Eren wonders as he drifts off to sleep that night. _Why can't I ever be satisfied?_


	14. Chapter 14

The hot summer sun beams down upon the two boys, seated on a park bench and basking in the warm rays. They are eating ice cream truck ice cream, which melts slowly in the sun and drips onto Armin's thigh. Armin wishes he could enjoy the beautiful day to its full extent, but melancholy clouds his view, leaving him distant from the beauty of the situation. In the distance, children's screams and laughter can be heard as they play, breaking the silence between the pair.

"It's been exactly eight months since we met each other," Armin remarks, staring across the way at the children who splash in the fountain, carefree and happy. "Did you know that?"

Eren nods, smiling jovially. He likes to keep track.

"You've come so far, since I met you. You have Jean as a close friend now, and you're able to interact comfortably with him. You got an A+ in French, and it's been a whole month since you've had an anxiety attack." Armin pauses, taking a deep breath of the flowery air around them. "I'm so proud of you."

Eren blushes immensely, red diffusing throughout his cheeks and heating his face more than the sun can. "Thank you," he whispers. He scoots closer to Armin on the park bench, lacing his fingers with the blonde's. He is content.

Armin sighs, finishing off his ice cream and tossing the stick in the garbage. He sweeps a hand across his face, closing his eyes. When I open them, will I be happy again? Opening his eyes, he stares at the vast, blue skies, puffy white clouds drifting lazily across them. Nothing has changed.

"Armin?" Eren speaks up, his voice soft and hoarse. He licks his lips of vanilla ice cream, staring at the blonde boy in concern. He looks so vulnerable all of a sudden, narrow shoulders framed by his sheer purple button down and navy blue shorts that hug his thighs in all the right ways.

"Hm?" Armin looks over, trying for a smile that fails to appear on his face.

"Are you okay?" Eren's eyes are trained carefully on him, and his grip on his hand loosens, as if he might shatter any moment.

With a small shrug, Armin kicks his feet forward, staring at the faded flowers on his Vans. "Yeah, I'm okay."

"W-wanna go back home?"

Armin nods. "Sure."

They are silent as they walk back, still holding hands loosely and sharing a quiet solitude. Eren is no longer content, however, in his worry for the blonde's withdrawn attitude.

They arrive at Armin's apartment and he unlocks the door with his key, pushing it open to reveal the familiar living space with Eren's painting hung above it. The blonde sighs, kicking off his shoes and setting his keys down on the counter. He turns to Eren, and they lock eyes.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

Armin chuckles softly, sweeping hair out of his face that is falling out of his bun. "I'm telling you, I'm okay."

"It's just...I don't wanna lose you." Eren frowns, looking like he might cry. His lower lip trembles, expression crumbling into the embodiment of fear and sadness.

Armin sighs, wrapping the brunette up into an embrace. "Eren," he begins, "didn't I promise you that I would always stay?" The boy says nothing to this, instead waiting for him to continue. "Well, I meant it. I don't break promises. It's not always going to be easy, but...I'm staying. For you."

Eren buries his face in the crook of Armin's neck, inhaling deeply. He smells like the ocean breeze. "I love you," he murmurs.

Armin pulls away slightly, pressing a tiny kiss to Eren's nose that makes him giggle. "I love you too," he whispers.

Armin takes Eren's hand and lead him into his room, wordlessly. They seat themselves comfortably across from each other amongst the unmade sheets, eyes trained on each other in unspoken communication. Eren's eyes trace along Armin's collarbone, exposed from the first two buttons of his shirt being undone. Armin notices, pulling him in closer. "Don't worry about me, okay, baby? I'm going to be here. Always."

Eren nods, smiling sheepishly. "Okay."

The two boys study each other for a moment longer, before Eren leans forward, initiating a soft kiss. There is something doubtful in the action, despite how many kisses they've shared—countless, at this point. Armin returns the gesture, allowing it to deepen in earnest gentleness. Eren lands on his back, hands on Armin's hips and pushing up the sides of his shirt. Armin's hands are cool, the skin of his thighs smooth against the spaces in Eren's ripped jeans. Armin's name is the only thing on his mind. Their hearts are beating in time, the familiar rush of dizziness and butterflies coursing through Eren's veins. This feels like so much more than a kiss.

An unusual boldness seizes control of Eren's mind before he can register it. He breaks away from Armin's lips, grasping his shirt in uneasy hands. "C-can you..." Eren frowns at the return of the stutter, although only momentarily. "Take this...off?"

Armin stares at Eren through wide, blue eyes, oceans he could drown in. "Oh. Okay," he says finally, voice small and unnaturally shy. Undoing the buttons with extraordinary care, Armin shrugs the shirt off, tossing it aside. Eren has never seen Armin without a shirt before, and he finds himself tracing every single faint freckle, and the small, pink birthmark at the curve of his waist, and his bit of belly fat, with his tiny dip of a bellybutton in the middle. _He's so beautiful._

Armin giggles at the mutual awkwardness. "Can you take yours off too?" he requests. "Only if you're comfortable."

Eren nods slowly, pulling his t-shirt up over his head. He's undeniably comfortable, simply because he's in the presence of Armin. The blonde boy observes Eren in all of his openness and vulnerability, the subtle imperfections on his dark complexion completing him even further. Their lips meet again, and Armin smiles through the kiss, reveling in the happiness that Eren gives him. Their roles have reversed, and now Armin is the artist, and Eren's body is the canvas.

Their interactions become more intimate, Eren longing for a closeness he's only ever imagined. They don't have to ask for permission as Armin slides off his shorts, and Eren wriggles out of his jeans, leaving him in his baby blue boxer briefs. Eren is honestly self-conscious about every part of his body—his hands, his teeth, his eyes, his thighs...but Armin helps him to feel okay about that. Armin is gentle when he traces his hand over the curve of Eren's waist, or delicately brushes his fingers along Eren's back, or the way their teeth bump in a rather clumsy kiss.

Eren doesn't have time to be self-conscious as their kisses grow more frantic, and Armin is touching him everywhere, his senses overwhelmed as his thoughts drift away into nothingness. Armin breathes heavily in his ear, pounding heart racing quickly to match Eren's in a passionate harmony. Eren is numb with pleasure, through his lungs that burn for oxygen and his fingertips which explore Armin's body in new places, every dip and curve and hidden area.

The rest is purely a blur, although Eren is keenly aware of every second that passes, and the movement of Armin's hips, and the way he clutches the boy for dear life, only wanting more. Eren wants more of everything, until the very end.

Afterwards, Armin is lying on his stomach on top of the pale pink sheets, eyes closed in restful peace. Eren is studying him in the sunlight that streams through the blinds in the window, illuminating his milky white skin and naked, angelic figure. He doesn't mind being exposed, knowing it's only for the brunette's eyes only. Looking on him then, Eren finds himself blurting out, "C-can I draw you?"

He wants to capture the blonde's essence in the moment, in the adult nature of his sexual attraction, contrasting with the innocent purity of his resting frame, glowing beneath the sun's rays. Opening one eye, Armin sends Eren a quizzical glance. "Right now?" he whispers.

Eren nods. A faint blush diffuses across Armin's pale cheeks, but he smiles softly, and nods too. "Okay."

"Don't move." Eren bounces to his feet, retrieving his sketchbook before returning. He begins to carefully sketch, tracing lines for the curves of Armin's body and the content expression on his face. Reviewing his finished product, Armin sits up, training his gaze on Eren. "Can I see?" he requests.

Smiling sheepishly and blushing, Eren hands the blonde boy his sketchbook.

Armin looks it over, observing the care and concern that went into each and every line and every tiny detail. "It's so aesthetically pleasing," Armin says honestly, placing the sketchbook between them. "And like...I would never say that about myself."

Eren shrugs, shyness melting away. "It's true."

The boys share a momentary silence, before Eren speaks up again. "Can I draw you again?"

Armin agrees, and so for a bit, he is Eren's model, staring to the side bashfully as the brunette draws him standing upright. Armin doesn't mind, however. He is perfectly content being Eren's muse.

After they each shower and change into clean clothes, the couple sips Eren's favorite iced green tea and watches cute videos of dogs, until Eren checks his phone and realizes that it is nearly seven o'clock.

The brunette stands, studying Armin in his black shorts that reach mid-thigh and his white tank top with red stripes, strap falling down his shoulder. He looks overwhelmingly adorable. "I have to go," Eren admits, biting his lip guiltily. "I'm sorry...I-I can't stay, Mikasa and Annie got in a fight two days ago and Annie still hasn't come back so she gets really lonely."

"Aw, it's okay. Don't worry about it, Eren." Armin stands, slipping on his Vans. "I'll walk you?"

Eren nods in agreement. Scooping up his sketchpad, the two boys file out, shutting the door behind them.

They reach Mikasa's apartment quickly, but neither of them makes a move to knock on the door. Eren isn't sure how to say goodbye. With the overwhelming intensity and intimacy of the day, he feels as if he needs to express something else. Being the awkward and socially unaware teenager he is, though, things turn out differently than he planned.

"U-um, it was nice," he finds himself saying, staring down at his sneakers and the worn carpeting. "Like, really nice. Having sex. With you. Today. Yeah, I mean...it was pretty cool. I wouldn't mind if we did it again soon. Or whatever."

Eren pauses in horror of his word vomit, watching as Armin bites his lip before bursting out in a fit of laughter, bending over and clutching his knee. "Ah—sorry, that was super weird," Eren mumbles, which makes the blonde rise to his normal height again, eyes teary from laughing. "It's okay," he manages, regaining his composure but still smiling immensely, caressing Eren's cheek with a gentle hand. "Thank you. It was nice for me too. Mostly, above everything though...thank you for being there for me today. I woke up and I knew that today I was going to struggle, but with you, things didn't feel that way. So thank you?" Armin stands on his tiptoes, pressing a kiss to Eren's cheek. "Good night."

"Good night," Eren whispers in response, running his fingers along the goosebumps that crop up on Armin's upper back. "And you're welcome."

When the door opens, a dejected Mikasa stands before him, wearing loose sweatpants and a blank, form-fitting tank top that exposes her muscular arms. "Hey Eren," she greets him softly.

"Hi." The brunette smiles widely. "Wanna watch dog videos?" He is trying, desperately, to cheer her up. Eren hates seeing his sister upset.

Mikasa manages a tired smile in response, patting her brother on the head. "Sure, Eren."

The sibling pair watch these very videos for a while before Eren suggests that they watch the Princess Bride. It is their all-time favorite movie. Eren can quote whole scenes word for word. They've been watching it since Eren was small—only five or six, and Mikasa feels a familiar rush of nostalgia at the opening scenes. For a bit, her mind can drift away from her problems with Annie, as she shares in the moment with her brother.

Eren falls asleep in her lap a little over halfway through the movie, his mind wandering to strange places as he dreams. These mostly contain Armin, and ice cream, and sex, until he wakes with a start at the credits rolling. Mikasa yawns and stretches, ruffling Eren's hair.

"We should head to bed, don't you think?" she questions, and Eren simply nods, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. As soon as he reaches his room, he flops down into bed and is snoring instantly, neglecting to turn the lights off. Despite the sadness that eats away at her heart, Mikasa bends down and presses a kiss to Eren's temple, tucking him into his blankets and flicking off the lights as she files into her room.

Eren wakes hours later, clutching his pillow pet to his chest as he emerges from the depths of another dream. He tosses and turns for a while, attempting to fall back asleep, but to no avail. The weird, tingly feeling in his stomach won't go away, persistent in ruining his restful sleep. Not wanting to wake Mikasa or Armin, Eren finds himself texting Annie. There's no rhyme or reason to it, he just needs someone to talk to.

 **hi. are you up?** he types. Hitting send, he tosses his phone aside and waits impatiently for a response.

 **but of course. what do ya need?** Her reply comes almost instantly, and Eren wonders if she was secretly hoping it was Mikasa.

**I can't sleep. I didn't want to bother anyone else.**

**you're not bothering me! what's up? why can't you sleep?**

**idk, a lot of stuff on my mind?** He's not going to tell her about him and Armin, that's for sure.

**aww. well that's never fun**

**no, it isn't.** Eren pauses, considering whether or not he should send the next message. Then he decides, _fuck it, I'm going to_ , and hits send.

**I wish you would come home.**

**:( i know, my dude. sorry about all of this.**

**it's ok. but you and mika should really work things out.**

**yes, we definitely should.** Annie's messages carry a hopelessness that he's not used to seeing in her. **we're 22, we're not kids but we're acting like it. but we'll make it. dw**

Eren smiles at this sentiment, hoping that she means it. Seeing Annie and Mikasa fight makes Eren think about fighting with Armin, which is a strange and foreign concept. Mikasa did say that things change when people move in together, though.

**yeah. good night, see you soon**

**good night eren!**

Locking his phone, Eren closes his eyes. He allows himself to dwell on everything that his mind wanders to, including his first meeting with Armin, eight months ago. His heart is enveloped with warmth upon recalling the memory, Armin's soft and silky voice reaching out to Eren through his memories.

 _I'm going to take Armin to see the stars one day_ , Eren promises himself, as he slips out of full consciousness. _I can't wait._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed all of the chapters!!! <3


	15. Chapter 15

Eren's phone is buzzing on his nightstand. He swipes it up without a second thought. He knows exactly who it is. Who else would be calling him after midnight?

"Ar?" he whispers.

"Hey," the blonde speaks softly in response. "So, I was thinking. You know how we're supposed to go out with Jean tomorrow? Well, I didn't want him to be a third wheel, so invited my friend Marco. Is that okay?"

Dread rises up from the bottom of Eren's stomach at the thought of having to interact with a new person all over again. "U-um...o-okay."

"You don't sound okay with it." Armin's tone is gentle, reassuring. "Listen, I can tell him we're not going anymore—"

"No!" Eren, surprisingly, cuts him off, a high pitch to his voice that startles him. "I-I mean...no, it's okay. I can handle it. It's not his fault I have problems."

"Don't put yourself down, Eren. It's okay. You're absolutely sure you're fine with it?"

Eren nods, even though Armin can't see him. "Yeah. I'm sure." A pause, and then Eren speaks again. "I'm gonna go to sleep. Um...good night."

"Good night!" The boys hang up simultaneously, before Eren yanks the blankets up around his shoulders and drifts off to sleep.

Eren wakes at ten that morning, and proceeds to take a fast shower, dressing in his red plaid flannel with the sleeves rolled up, and ripped blue skinny jeans. Exiting his room, he slips his phone into his pocket, walking softly as not to disturb his father, wherever he is. To his dismay, it being Saturday, Grisha sits at the kitchen table on his laptop, and looks up with his usual frown on his face, observing Eren through dull eyes that bore through him.

"Where are you off to now?" he questions, as Eren tries to shuffle past, pretending he doesn't notice. Blood running cold, Eren manages to stammer, "U-um...o-out...w-with my...friends."

Grisha snorts. "Since when did you have friends?" Growing rigid in his spot, Eren shrugs, biting his lip and avoiding eye contact to stare at the floor.

"Well, whatever. Go ahead, I don't care." With that, Eren bolts out the door, letting it slam behind him.

_I wish he would just go away again._

With it being summer, heat is already pouring into Armin's apartment with an unforgiving wrath. When he opens the door after Eren's knock, he greets the brunette with a kiss and a remark of, "My air conditioner's broken." He shrugs and gestures to the window, where the white metal box sits in utter uselessness.

Armin grabs a little towel from the kitchen chair, in the process of drying his hair. "How are you? Did you sleep okay?" Eren nods, smiling at Armin's caring nature.

"Y-you look nice," Eren mumbles, heat flooding to his face. Armin wears denim overalls that cut off into shorts, with a red t-shirt underneath and white ankle socks with tiny blue polka dots speckled on them.

Armin spins around to face him, beaming radiantly. "Thank you, Eren!" he exclaims. Throwing the towel aside, he pulls his hair back into a tiny bun. "I'm all set! Now we just wait for Jean and Marco to show up."

Eren is busy sketching Armin in his current outfit when there is a rapid knocking at the door. His record player, which is currently at Armin's place, is blasting Bennie and the Jets from its place in the corner. The apartment is stiflingly hot, and a mini fan is directed at the two boys as they sit at the kitchen table. Armin perks up, jumping to his feet. "Someone's here. I'll get the door!"

Eren nods and continues working, the majority of his focus being poured into the drawing. It's not until there's a tap on his shoulder that he looks up, met with Jean's quizzical stare. "Hey man," he greets the brunette, who grins and responds back, "Hey."

Jean takes a seat at the table across from Eren, tiny strands of his hair blowing in the breeze from the fan. He tucks his hands in the pockets of his cargo shorts, leaning back. "Man, I haven't seen you in two weeks. How are you?"

"P-pretty good," he mumbles, with a small shrug. "How are y-you?"

"Decent." He eyes Eren's drawing, grinning when he sees who the subject is. "Another one, huh?" Eren nods. Jean has grown accustomed to Eren's abundance of sketches, particularly of Armin.

There is another, brief knock at the door. "Who's that?" Jean quizzes, quirking an eyebrow. Eren doesn't get a chance to respond as Armin throws the door open abruptly, gasping in excitement as soon as he views the unfamiliar guest who waits in the doorway.

"Marco!" he squeals, throwing himself into the other boy's arms. If Jean towers over Armin, Marco is equally impressive, if not more—his incredible stature allows him to nearly lift Armin off of his feet. They exchange a long embrace before separating, the blonde beaming and taking in his freckled friend's appearance. "It's so good to see you!" he exclaims, perpetual excitement not waning. Marco finally speaks, his soft and airy voice startling Jean out of his wits. "It's nice to see you too, fellow physics major."

Eren peers up at Marco through his hair as he approaches the table to greet the other two boys. His outfit is very summery, consisting of a lacy, flowery, white sleeveless top and bright orange shorts, exposing his long, tanned, freckled legs. On his feet are black Doc Martens. He has kind eyes and a welcoming smile, which helps to alleviate Eren's anxiety, at least a little bit.

"Oh my god! You're Eren!" The brunette boy's eyes widen, training questioning eyes on the taller male before him. "Armin told me all about you, and showed me pictures, too. You're so cute!"

Biting his lip and blushing, Eren averts his eyes to the floor, not sure how to react to icy a compliment. Luckily, Marco already knows about his social anxiety, and so he just keeps his smile, not at all offended at Eren's lack of a response. He turns to Jean, who stares in slight bewilderment at him.

"Hi!" Marco exclaims, with the same friendly smile. "I'm Marco. What's your name?"

"Uh—" Jean cuts himself off, clearing his throat awkwardly before starting up again, confidence returning to his voice. "I'm Jean. Jean Kirschtein."

"Cool name! I like your shirt." He gestures to Jean's very faded Pokémon t-shirt, to which the other male brightens. "Thanks!"

"I guess we can get going then!" Armin pipes up, grabbing his keys and cross-body bag. The four of them file out of the apartment one by one, Eren clutching his sketchbook tightly to his chest.

The boys venture into the heat and summer excitement of the city, the sun's rays enveloping them as cars zip by and people talk loudly on the streets. Letting go of his death grip on the sketch pad, Eren skips up to Armin and goes to hold his hand, before noticing that Marco is already walking beside him, taking lengthy strides as he walks.

The blonde boy turns to Eren, noticing this. "Hey Eren," he begins, "I'm catching up with Marco for a little bit. Is it okay if you hang back with Jean? I just don't want you to be uncomfortable." He is referring to the fact that the three of them walking next to each other may cause issues with the oncoming crowds, and Eren recognizes his point.

Furrowing his brow, he gives a curt nod, before slowing down and hanging back with Jean behind them. Eren tucks his face between the cover of his sketchbook and his chest, his nose tickling the paper. He watches Armin as he walks, his pale legs accentuated by the fit of his shorts, a tiny bounce to his step and his gestures animated as he chats with the taller, dark-haired boy beside him. He is sulking a bit, immaturely, he will later admit, at not being the focus of the blonde's attention. As selfish as it is, he savors in the little pout that forms on his features and settles, brewing as he curls further and further into himself.

Jean notices Eren's brooding frame, shoulders hunched and eyes cast down, and nudges his side. "Hey man," he speaks up above the noise of the city streets, "Want me to...hold onto your arm, or something?"

Someone shoves past Eren, and he flinches. Nodding quickly, he loosens his grip and allows Jean to link arms with him, huddling close by his side.

As Eren and Armin have done many times on their dates around the city, the boys have decided to improvise their plans. Marco spots a comic book store and points excitedly, insisting that they go in. Eren feels Jean stiffen with a similar excitement, but he still sticks beside the brunette as they cross the street, following Marco's lead.

The bell rings above their heads, signifying their arrival to the cashier, who greets them with a smile. "Oh my god oh my god oh my _god_ ," Marco expresses as soon as he walks in. The familiar, crisp smell of the pages surrounds them. Marco skips off amongst the shelves, leaving the remaining three standing near the door.

Armin, after taking in his surroundings, notices Eren's very apparent irritation. "Hey, are you doing okay?" he asks in the kindest tone he can manage, almost sickeningly sweet, at least from Jean's perspective. Grumbling to himself, Eren turns away, crossing his arms over his chest and starting to browse the aisles. Armin takes tiny steps forward behind him, not wanting to push at any boundaries but genuinely wanting to help Eren feel less insecure.

"Baby, come here," Armin says gently, extending his hands to the brunette. His arms are still crossed over his chest petulantly, in blatant refusal to come over to him. "Please? I promise, I wasn't trying to leave you alone. You have Jean, and besides, I haven't seen Marco since May. I wanted to catch up. He's not my boyfriend, you are. You don't need to be jealous."

Scowling, Eren shakes his head, hair flopping back and forth in his face. "N-not jealous," he manages to mumble.

Chuckling, Armin slides his arms around Eren's waist as the brunette lowers his guards. "Okay, if you say so," he sings, which causes Eren to roll his eyes, his gaze softening under Armin's influence.

Watching them embrace and exchange cute, sappy words causes a familiar aching in Jean's chest. His legs are propelling him forward before his mind has a chance to register, in the direction of Marco.

Jean finds the lanky, dark-haired boy sitting cross-legged amongst a stack of comics, paging through one with an eagerness in his chocolate eyes. "Um, hi," he begins. "What are you reading?"

"X-Men," Marco replies with an earnest smile. "Do you like comics?"

"Yeah, I love 'em," Jean remarks, seating himself across from Marco. "What's your favorite?"

When Eren and Armin find the pair after their own browsing almost an hour later, they find Jean and Marco sitting side by side. They are shoulder to shoulder, and bent over a comic that is stretched across both of their laps. It's sweet, and Armin is really tempted to just leave them be, but Eren's stomach growls insistently and reminds him why they've come to find them.

"Hey guys," Armin speaks up hesitantly, "Eren wants lunch, is that okay?"

Jean and Marco's gazes snap up almost simultaneously, and both nod. "That's fine! I was getting hungry anyway," Marco says, hosting himself to his feet and stretching his arms in the air, exposing a tiny bit of his belly. Jean stands too, smiling in the freckled boy's direction. He seems distracted by something, which Eren takes notice of right away. Before they can get a single step towards the exit, Jean grabs Eren around the wrist.

"Eren. Can I talk to you about something?" His eyes are wide, and his gaze is purposeful. A bit puzzled, the brunette nods, letting go of his grip on Armin's hand and starting to follow him. "Armin and I will pay for the books then!" Marco calls after them, as they venture further and further into the back of the shop.

"O-okay, so...wh-what is it." Eren's question reads like a statement, and as disinterested as he sounds, he is actually quite curious to see what's on Jean's mind. The sandy-haired boy fidgets, running a hand through his undercut and averting his eyes to the ceiling.

"So...uh, I guess, well...throughout the past year, I've realized something about myself?"

Eren nods. "Go on."

"Okay, so...I did some research, and...I think I'm pansexual? Like, and I lean more towards guys? Maybe?"

Eren's eyes widen, his mouth spreading into a grin. "Th-that's really awesome!" he exclaims.

Jean returns the grin, his insecurity melting away. "I know, right?!" he responds with equal excitement. "If I hadn't become friends with you, I would've never thought to, you know, figure that shit out."

"Th-thank you, f-for t-trusting me, t-to tell me." Eren is still smiling, in earnest happiness for his friend.

"No problem, dude! You're so fucking genuine. I feel like I can talk to you about anything."

"Y-yeah. You can. I-I'm very gay, y-you can tell me this stuff."

Jean chuckles, clapping a hand onto Eren's shoulder. "Thanks, dude. You're a good friend."

It's quiet between them for a few moments, Eren basking in the compliments and the gears in Jean's brain turning as he thinks, considering. Finally he speaks. "I'm telling you because Marco is really cool. And really cute. Like...we bonded over comic books for almost a whole hour. And he told me other stuff, about his interests. Like...he's super smart. Obviously. He wants to be an engineer. He loves nature. He said his mom was a painter, and always painted nature scenes. Like, he even has dimples when he smiles, bro. I like him, a _lot_. And I barely know him."

Eren giggles into his shirt sleeve. "Cute," he murmurs.

Jean shoves Eren's shoulder playfully. "Shut up," he whines. This sends Eren into a fit of laughter that echoes throughout the store, capturing the attention of Marco and Armin in the front, who smile to themselves.

The day wears on, and Marco's place beside Armin is replaced by Eren. The taller boys walk behind them, chatting about their interests some more. The feelings of interest between them are clearly mutual to any onlookers, from stolen, affectionate glances to little excuses to share physical contact. Their final destination of the day is the movie theater, to see a movie that Eren has selected.

Eren has a strange and undying love for horror movies, despite the fact that he is a ball of anxiety. The movie they are seeing is, not surprisingly, a horror movie. It has been out for nearly two months, meaning the theater will essentially be empty, besides the group.

Eren skips into the theater excitedly, Armin trailing behind him. "Where do you want to sit?" the blonde asks him, and Eren points to the top row, in the very back. Truthfully, Armin is not a fan of scary movies. They make him feel queasy, unease resting inside him as every second ticks by. But he doesn't mind watching them if they make Eren happy. Making Eren happy is of utmost importance to him.

Jean and Marco enter shortly after, Marco carrying a large bucket of popcorn. "Wanna share?" he asks Jean. "I can't eat this all by myself." He laughs cutely, the sound like the ringing of a bell. Jean nods, mystified.

They take their seats in the darkness of the theater as the previews start to play, Eren rubbing his hands together in excitement. As the movie starts to play Armin finds himself burying his face in Eren's shoulder at all of the creepy parts and the jumpscares. Jean, however, finds himself unable to focus on the movie, with Marco beside him, eating his popcorn with an intense focus on the screen in front of him. The couple next to them is so natural in everything they do, even with Eren's awkwardness. You would never know; they fit so well together. Jean wants what they have. He wants it badly.

The movie ends without Jean taking in an ounce of the plot, Eren wanting so badly to rave about how much he loved it but unable to with Marco's presence. "Where to now?" Jean asks, trying to distract himself from his current dilemma. It's nearly eight o'clock, which means they all have a bit more time before Eren needs to be home.

Shuffling closer to the blonde, Eren whispers a very soft inquiry in his ear, "Can we get ice cream?" Armin nods in agreement, patting his arm gently. Jean and Marco are enthusiastic about this idea, which leads to the four boys venturing out of the theater and to Eren's favorite ice cream place.

Eren and Jean sit alone at a back table while Armin and Marco handle the orders. Eren can't order by himself anyway, and Marco kindly offered to grab Jean's for him. Eren leans forward, a telltale smirk decorating his features. Jean doesn't get to see this often, and it nearly startles him.

"Y-you had a good d-day with M-Marco then?" he asks in a hushed tone, the tiny hints of gold in his left eye glinting in the light. Jean rolls his eyes, scoffing at the absurdity of it all. Jean doesn't do relationships, but somehow he has found himself in the midst of trying to be in one.

"I guess," he remarks with a shrug. Knowing Jean can't be as open as he was earlier all of the time, Eren simply laughs and leans back in his seat, staring at the tiles on the ceiling. His eyes trace over them, keeping a mental tally one by one.

Armin and Marco return with the table's orders shortly after. The blonde boy hands the brunette his cone of cake batter ice cream which he accepts eagerly, starting to eat it with glee. Jean sips his milkshake, stealing lingering glances at the freckled brunette, who takes small, delicate bites of ice cream from his spoon. Eren is scrawling something onto a napkin, suddenly shoving it in Marco's direction. He hides beneath a curtain of hair to avoid the inevitable eye contact, chewing his lip with strawberry pink diffusing throughout his mahogany skin.

_It was nice meeting you today_ , the napkin reads, in wobbly handwriting from the awkward medium used to write on. There is an arrow pointing to the back, and Marco flips it over. _Also, Jean might have something to ask you later. But don't bring it up._

Looking diagonally across the table at Eren, Marco smiles in that same kind way, as beautiful as an angel. "Thank you! It was really nice meeting you too, Eren, finally." He folds the napkin and slides it back over to the brunette, who crumples it in his fist.

Marco, who lives the farthest away from everyone, has decided to take the subway alone. As the four boys stand together in the dark, they share a silence, basking in the serenity of the day. The deep blanket of darkness surrounds them, enveloping them in the warmth of summer and cushioning their new memories. Marco and Armin exchange a long embrace goodbye, promising each other that they will see each other again soon. He pats Eren on the head, sending him an inviting smile and a wave. Finally, Jean and Marco stand face to face, a slight tension diffusing between them and causing Jean's entire being to stiffen.

"Um—actually—" Jean chokes on his words, taking a moment to regain his bearings. "Actually, I wanted to ask you something?"

Eren, taking that as a cue for Jean's bigger plan, grabs Armin's hand and drags him away to the bench down the way. This leaves Jean and Marco alone, just two unsure teenagers in the midst of an awkward atmosphere. Jean takes a deep breath.

"Do you maybe wanna go out sometime?" Jean blurts out. "Today was really fun, and I liked getting to know you. But I would like even more to get to know you better. So, I don't know...whatever you say, I guess." Jean fumbles over his words, finding it incredibly difficult to be casual. Relationships are new to him—genuine ones with genuine feelings, at least.

Marco's eyes light up like fireworks, brightening the entire sky. "Oh my god, I would love to!" he exclaims. "Have my number, okay? We can text about it!"

They swap numbers, Jean holding his breath the entire time. Then Marco pecks him on the cheek, electricity zapping him in that very place. "Bye!" he breathes, before hurrying off in the opposite direction.

When Jean finds Eren and Armin again, he feels like he is walking on air. He is lighter than a cloud, his heart soaring above the earth. He doesn't say anything. There's no need.

Eren doesn't even ask. He already knows.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is both very sad and very cheesy but I hope everyone enjoys it :-)

Late summer sun filters in through Eren's window. He rolls over onto his side, rubbing at his eyes and squinting in the harsh sunlight. Exhaustion still weighs down his eyelids, but it's already eleven.

There's a gentle knock at Eren's door. "Little brother," Mikasa calls. "Wake up, I wanna take you out to lunch."

It's been one month, and Annie and Mikasa are still not speaking. Their stubborn personalities clash in the worst ways, sometimes. This is the most extreme me of the examples. Eren misses Annie. Sometimes he visits her room in the cheap motel she is staying. It's twenty minutes north and they talk for a while before Eren returns without notifying Mikasa of his whereabouts. Armin takes him, as he can't travel alone.

Sitting up in bed, he grabs his phone. He hasn't heard from Armin in a week. Presumably he is staying with his grandfather. The last time they saw each other, the blonde boy informed him of this upcoming visit. Still, Eren can't help but worry.

Eren decides, however, to make an attempt at contact. Hands trembling, his thumbs slip over the keys as he types out the casual question.

**hey ar, wanna get food with me and mika? :)**

No response. Usually, Armin's replies to Eren come lightning fast, but now he is only left with a silence that brews unease in his stomach.

Mikasa knocks again, insistently. "Eren, are you awake?" she calls. "Or should I come in?"

"Jesus, I'm awake!" he shoots back, an edge to his voice that overrides the usual sibling playfulness in his tone. "L-l-leave me alone, Mikasa."

Noting the stutter that creeps up on him, Mikasa complies and backs away from the door. However, she doesn't forget the matter, making a metal note to inquire about Eren's agitation.

Eren's ever-increasing anxiety is overwhelmingly apparent as they drive, the blaring of the radio the only interrupter of the silence between them. Eren stares stubbornly out the window, watching people pass by in droves through the summer heat. He gnaws at his lip, leg twitching as he grows more and more tense. He can't get his mind off Armin, checking his phone screen for a new text nearly every second. Armin. Armin. _Where the fuck is Armin?_

Mikasa reaches over, cranking the volume down substantially. "Eren, you doing okay?" she asks carefully.

"Yeah, whatever, I-I'm fine," the brunette grumbles, casual nature of the response ruined by the telltale nerves. "Can you please turn up the AC?" He is suffocating in his tight jeans, wishing he didn't have be so horribly unconfident of his body. He still only feels comfortable around Mikasa, Annie, and Armin in anything less than long pants and a sweatshirt, and Armin is the only one who has seen him naked.

"Alright, fine," the ebony-haired girl replies in a dismissive tone. Running a hand through her hair absently, she sighs, giving up on trying to get Eren to talk to her about what's so clearly bothering him. Instead, she turns up the volume on the radio, leaning farther back in her seat for the rest of the car ride.

Eren is fidgety and unfocused as they eat. He stares at his phone screen with a deep frown working its way over the expanse of his face, knitting his brows together and turning his mouth down. Still not willing to press at the matter, Mikasa leaves him alone, until his phone screen lights up, and a tiny gasp emits from his mouth.

Tense excitement seizes Eren's limbs as he lifts his phone from the table, eyes sweeping over the formal formatting of Armin's text.

**Hey!!! I'm so sorry, I just woke up and saw this. It's been a weird week, and I'm super sorry if you were worried because I didn't respond? It's kind of a long story but everything is okay now. I love you.**

Usually they reserve this sentiment for face-to-face conversation, and as arbitrary as it seems, Eren sees the apology laced into it. Relief flows through his veins, his fingers flying in a frenzy to type out his response.

**omg ok. dw I'm not mad. I just miss you a lot ;-;**

Hesitating, Eren types out another message. **will you be home tonight? like are you feeling better?**

**Yeah, I will. I miss you too! And I'm fine! Don't worry. My grandpa just wanted to see me, he was a little worried because I said my meds weren't working lately. But I'm okay :)**

**can I please come see you tonight?**

**Okay, Eren. :)**

With that, the conversation naturally ends. Mikasa sees Eren's tense shoulders relax, his breathing deepening into its normal rate. It's good to see Eren this way. It doesn't happen too often.

After their lunch, Mikasa drops Eren off, saying she needs to "take care of something". Eren secretly hopes she is going to make up with Annie, finally. Lying on his bed in a state of unrest, Eren watches the minutes tick by into hours, the sun still high in the sky.

Eren stares at his fingernails, adorned in nail polish that is chipped and cracking. Armin painted them pink for him last week. _Armin._ In that instant his phone buzzes, displaying the time. _4:10 PM._ Underneath it is a new message.

**Maybe you shouldn't come.**

This sentence makes Eren's blood turn to ice. **What's wrong?** he responds, chest tightening.

**Well, my apartment is kind of messy. And I don't have any food, since I wasn't here all week. Plus, I'm really tired. I guess maybe we should try and see each other tomorrow.**

Eren chews his lip raw. He doesn't like the feeling this message gives him. **I don't care. about any of that. I'm coming right now.**

He doesn't give Armin a change to object, and if he does, Eren doesn't check. Shoving his phone and sketchbook in his summer knapsack, he swings it over his shoulder and heads out, shutting the door softly behind him. Skipping down the stairs quickly, his heart thumps in a combination of dread and anticipation, fists clenching around his sleeves.

Standing in front of the red-painted door with the faded gold letters adorning it, Eren takes a shaky breath in. _I shouldn't be nervous to see my boyfriend. We've known each other for almost a year. Why should I be nervous?_

The door unlocks with an ominous click that echoes down the carpeted hallway. A blonde head of hair peeks out, accompanied by two, hazy blue eyes. Eren starts to speak, but Armin beats him to it, his voice a hoarse whisper: "You should go. I'm sick, and it's super bad." Armin forces a cough for good measure, which puzzles Eren immensely. He tries to pry the door open, but Armin resists, yanking it out of his grasp.

"Why are you acting so weird?" Eren tilts his head, finding it hard to keep the frustration out of his voice. "Just let me in."

Armin shakes his head, squinting his eyes as he grimaces in discomfort. "No, I can't..."

Eren is fully frustrated now, his hands curling into loose fists by his sides. "Why not? What's wrong, why won't you tell me?"

"You'll be mad."

" _No_ , I won't."

"You already are." Armin's voice is unnaturally small and squeaky, riddled with insecurities and fears. They overshadow his largely bubbly personality, which always manages to shine through even with his depression.

Eren takes a deep, steady inhale. He doesn't want Armin to be upset because of him. "I...I won't get mad." Eren's voice is equally as small, his heart pounding in his ears. Armin hesitates, barely breathing. "Okay," he finally agrees.

Backing away, Eren pushes the door open, glancing around the familiar living space. As Armin said, the apartment is a bit too messy for the blonde's taste, dishes stacked in the sink presumably from the week before, and random papers and clothing scattered about. Eren doesn't care, even though he knows how self-conscious Armin feels about his cleanliness.

He turns to the boy in question, who stands off to the side, staring at his socks and scratching his wrists nervously. He looks so vulnerable, swallowed up in an oversized hoodie that is probably three sizes too big. He is consumed by the fading light from outside, casting an orange glow about him. Eren takes one of his hands, gently, unearthing it as it is lost in the sleeve.

"Are you okay?" Eren whispers. "Be honest."

Armin bows his head, the lump in his throat growing as he tries to form any words to answer. "Not really," he manages to mumble. He can feel the tears, pricking the backs of his eyelids, but he doesn't want to cry. He refuses to release them, in a silent defiance.

"Why not?"

There is something so inviting in Eren's tone, that makes him want to pour his heart out until there is nothing left. Instead, he speaks in short, restrained sentences. "I don't want to show you. It's ugly. I ruined myself."

Not quite understanding, Eren tilts his head again, a crease forming on his brow. "What do you mean?"

Sighing, Armin slowly rolls up his sleeves, revealing a countless mess of scars, crisscrossing and overlapping, slashed across his white skin like lines on paper. Shaking his head, Armin bites his lip to prevent the tears, shaking his head quickly. "I don't know what I was thinking. I just...I used to do this, like, before high school, and then I managed to stop. I don't know...my meds really weren't working, and I was feeling so shit but...it was bad, and my grandpa didn't want to take me to the hospital, so he patched me up. And all week, he took care of me. Didn't let me out of his sight, almost." Armin laughs humorlessly, sweeping a hand along his face as the tears start to fall, trickling down his cheeks in pathetic trails. "Fuck, Eren...I'm so sorry."

The brunette is very silent and very still, processing the new information at a less than rapid rate. When he finally realizes what's happening, he isn't sure what to say, staring at the crying blonde with a strange frown dominating his features. His eyes flit from Armin's, to the boy himself, and back, and the cycle keeps repeating itself until something within him finally clicks.

"But you promised," he speaks, in a voice that is almost inaudible.

Overwhelming guilt seizing him then, Armin shrinks back into himself, as tears drip down his nose. "I know," he answers. Pulling the sleeves back down, he shrugs. "I...I'm sorry."

"B-but..." Eren is panicking, his whole being is consumed by panic, and he can feel his lungs collapsing in on themselves, "but...p-people aren't s-supposed to b-break promises."

It's out of nowhere, but Armin feels his patience snap, and suddenly he is raising his voice, feeling an angry flush turn his face fiery red. "Well, I'm still here, aren't I?! So no, I didn't break my promise! I don't even _want_ to be here! Not anymore." Pausing, Armin sucks in air, feeling incredibly deprived of it all of a sudden. "It's fucking _exhausting_ having to drag myself out of bed every morning. I just wish I was dead. And if I hadn't made that stupid promise, I would've been a long time ago!"

Armin is breathing heavily after the deliverance of these words, hands clenched into tight fists and the scars on his wrists aching. He is staring at the floor, unable to face Eren's expression. _What's wrong with me? Why do I keep pushing away everyone I love?_ He recalls the argument he and his grandfather had less than a week prior, after Armin regained some semblance of health, which was strikingly similar to this one. All he does is abuse his grandfather's unconditional love. Now he is doing the same to Eren.

The door slams. Armin flinches. When he looks up, Eren is gone.

Reaching the rooftop, the brunette sprints to the ledge, gripping it and squeezing hard enough and wishing he could disappear. He can't breathe. His head is spinning, the ground that seems hundreds of feet below him whirling into a nauseating blur of lights and sound.

The rooftop door opens with the familiar squeak, and there are light footsteps behind him. "Eren," the blonde boy pants, crouched with a hand on his thigh to catch his breath. "Eren, I—"

"Go away!" the brunette screams, and Armin realizes he has never heard Eren speak so loudly. His eyes are squeezed shut, hair falling ungraciously in his face. "I d-don't w-want to see you!"

"Eren—"

"J-just go." His voice is pure pain, softness and kindness gone, swallowed up by anguish. He isn't crying. He's past the point of tears.

Backing away slowly, Armin nods, resigning in his efforts. "I'm sorry," he whispers one final time, before he bolts out through the door.

• • •

It is a full twenty-four hours later. Annie is back, sitting at Eren's beside and smoothing Eren's hair back away from his face as he sleeps in perpetual misery. Mikasa and Annie had a rather dramatic reunion, littered with ceaseless apologies and senseless kisses. Neither of them expected to find the boys having their own relationship troubles when they returned.

There is a tentative knocking at the door as Mikasa prepares dinner in the kitchen. She proceeds towards it at a quick pace, opening it and revealing Armin. He wears shorts that his skinny legs protrude from and a very large hoodie, visible signs of sleep deprivation in his slumped figure, sallow complexion, and purple eye circles. She isn't sure how he's functioning.

"I need to see Eren," he mumbles. He's holding a gift—clutching it to his chest with every fiber of his being, like his very life depends on it.

"Okay, come on in," Mikasa says, escorting him in with a hand on his fragile frame. "He's in his room."

Slipping off his shoes, Armin's socked feet proceed swiftly in the direction of the brunette boy's room. Peeking inside, he sees that Eren is sound asleep, Annie watching over him like a guardian angel.

"Hey Armin," Annie greets him. She keeps a wary eye upon the blonde boy, but can't help but feel a wave of pity upon seeing his disheveled state. He hasn't even brushed his hair, golden strands tangled and sticking up in multiple directions.

"I'll leave you guys alone," she simply says, patting his shoulder on her way out.

Armin is unsure what to do once she leaves. Eren still sleeps, snoring at regular intervals. The sound warms Armin's heart, reflecting on nights where they stayed up late together and fell asleep in each other's arms, Eren's snoring being the soft rhythms that lulled Armin into sleep. Seating himself on the bed, he studies the brunette's appearance. His hair falls to one side, chocolate brown locks strewn across his forehead. His eyelids are swollen and pink, presumably from crying. He has a tiny beauty mark in the junction between his nose and his left cheek, and Armin traces it with a delicate finger. Looking upon him then, Armin feels an unbearable weight, tugging at his whole heart.

_I'm a terrible person._

Eyelids fluttering open at Armin's touch, Eren makes tiny noise, automatically receptive as he nestles deeper into Armin's hand. Upon realizing what he is doing, however, the sleepy contentment fades from Eren's eyes. The familiar anguish from the prior night returns.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" Eren speaks, voice incredibly hoarse from misuse. His brow is furrowed in a deep-set frown, yet he makes no effort to move away from Armin's touch. The blonde doesn't pull away, either.

"I'm here to make amends," he whispers, fighting the lump in his throat that only grows in size the more he ignores it.

Eren pushes himself up with his hands, sitting so that he is level to the blonde. They make purposeful eye contact before Eren breaks it, crumpling up his bed sheets in his fist.

"Okay," he agrees.

Armin blinks, feeling tears rush to his eyes immediately. "I...I don't want to leave you. I made that promise to you because you're worth it. You're worth living for. I'm sorry. Actually, I'm sorry isn't even enough. I don't have a word to express my remorse. All I do is push people away, and it's so shitty of me. I've been doing it to my grandpa for years. I hate putting you through it. It's the worst. You don't deserve that." Armin sighs, his shoulders slumping with the weight of the conversation. "You deserve everything that is good and pure in this world. Which, by measure, means that I don't deserve you." He shrugs, self-deprecating in his mannerisms.

Eren yanks Armin into his arms before the blonde has a chance to protest, squeezing him tightly against his chest. "No...don't say that about yourself," he murmurs. "You're worth everything to me. And...i-it's not your fault...that you hurt yourself. I-I just panicked, I'm sorry..."

"It's okay, Eren." Armin returns the embrace, sinking deeper into Eren's warmth as the tears flow from his eyes. "You don't have to be sorry."

"I-I wanna be here for you, if you'll let me..."

Armin nods, breathing him in. He smells like maple syrup. "I will let you. I will definitely let you."

"O-okay, so...i-if you ever feel...l-like hurting yourself...you'll tell me, right?"

"Yes. And the promise isn't stupid, alright? I didn't mean that."

"I know." Eren sighs contentedly, the resolution allowing him to fully relax. He is getting better at handling his emotions.

Armin sits up, rubbing his eyes. He can feel himself starting to drift into sleep, but he's not done. "I brought you something," he says, reaching across the bed and grabbing the thin, square object, wrapped neatly in wrapping paper. "Open it."

Eren studies the wrapping paper, that has tiny teddy bears decorating it. Eren tears it open with steady hands, revealing the shiny cover of the LP underneath. It's Prince's Purple Rain. Eren's mouth breaks out into a grin, delighted that Armin continually acknowledges his stupid love for vintage music.

"Y-you didn't have to get me this," he whispers.

Armin scoffs, clarity returning to his ocean blue eyes as he sees Eren's smile. "Yes I did," he insists, putting a hand on top of Eren's. "Sometimes words aren't enough."

Eren zips over to his record player that sits on his bookshelf, setting the needle gently on the record as it starts to spin. A sudden boldness overcomes him then as the first song starts to play—Let's Go Crazy, upbeat tempo causing Eren to bounce slightly on his feet. "Dance with me," he says, grinning like an excited puppy. Armin shakes his head with a laugh, burrowing deeper into his hoodie.

"Come on," he says with a grin that keeps widening, beckoning Armin toward him. "At least a little bit."

"But I can't dance," Armin protests, unable to keep from smiling at the return of Eren's cheerful nature.

"Who cares?"

The blonde laughs again, feeling the laughter warm his entire soul. "Well, okay, just a little bit."

In that moment, everything is right with the world. The only thing on their minds is each other's company, and their silly dancing to the song, and the way the music feels in their hearts. They can be carefree, despite the brokenness inside of them. In that moment, Armin is glowing with life, feeling fully and freely alive, and wants nothing more than to keep on living.


	17. Chapter 17

"How have you been feeling lately, Armin?"

Armin stares down at his lap, at the powdered sugar dust that faintly decorates the fabric of his pants from the doughnut he just ate. His limbs feel heavy with exhaustion, brain working double time to formulate a response.

"Tired. Unmotivated," he responds shortly. "But I'm okay."

Hange, his therapist, leans back in their chair in the small office, nodding in consideration. They have known Armin since he was six years old, and started coming after his parents died. That was the major event that elicited his depression, although he struggled with those familiar feelings of melancholy from an even younger age. Hange recognizes a low point in him, simply in his posture and the drained tone of his voice.

"How is Eren?" they ask, hoping this will evoke a more colorful response from him.

"He's fine," Armin answers simply, still not making eye contact.

"Did you two get in a fight?"

"No." Armin shakes his head. "I mean...not recently."

Hange's eyebrows shoot up in surprise. "Not recently?" they repeat. "What happened before?"

Armin sighs in exasperation, staring out the window at the storm that brews in dark grey skies. He loves Hange, who has become an almost parental figure to him over the years, but hates their prying questions. _What if I don't want to answer? What if I don't want everyone to be worried about me?_

"Armin," Hange's voice cuts sharply into his thoughts. "What did you two fight about?"

"Well, it was sort of one-sided." The blonde's voice is hoarse, scratching at his throat. "I told him I wanted to die, and he got freaked out. And when Eren panics, he really does. I keep...I keep reminding him of his mom. I told you before. So he ran away. We made up but like...am I a bad person? I feel like a bad person. I mean...I keep doing this to my grandfather, like I have been for years. I hate subjecting Eren to it. It's not fair."

"Armin, honey..." Hange trails off, adjusting their glasses before coming over to Armin's side of the room. They sit beside him on the sticky leather couch, draping an arm around his shoulders.

"You're not a bad person for feeling the way you do," they continue. "It is valid, however, that Eren also struggles with what happened in his past. He thinks it's going to happen again. I know how much you care for him. You wouldn't want him to go through that pain. You have so much to live for, Armin. There's a vast universe out there and you've barely even scraped the surface. Eren is just one of many beautiful, important things in your life." They squeeze his shoulder, and he chews his lip, fighting the tears that well up in his eyes.

"You can't help the way you feel. It's just how you are. But you're worth more than you give yourself credit for."

Exiting Hange's office, Armin steps up to his grandfather, enveloping the old man in an embrace. "I love you, Grandfather," he murmurs into his jacket, inhaling the scent of spice he always carries. "I'm sorry for every time that I hurt you."

The elderly man returns the hug, holding the shorter boy close to him. "It's okay, Armin," he responds, patting him gently on the back. "I will always forgive you."

Shortly after, the pair part ways and Armin finds himself at Eren's door. They haven't planned a visit, but after Hange's words of wisdom, he feels compelled to see the brunette boy.

Knocking carefully, Armin stands, shifting from foot to foot in his Vans on the carpet. It's been two weeks since the argument, and the last time he saw Eren for more than just a brief meeting in the coffee shop was the night that they made up. He chews his lip, waiting with baited breath for the answer. He still wears a hoodie, self-conscious about his wrists. The scars have healed into pink ridges that pucker on his skin, but there are so many, and they're still very noticeable.

Armin waits another minute, contemplating whether or not to knock again, when the door opens with an eerie slowness. Towering above Armin is a thin man dressed in a black turtleneck and black pants, strange for the heat that still lingers in the early September air. Two chilling eyes stare Armin down through a pair of round glasses, coating the boy's very being in icy fear.

"And who might you be?" the man booms, voice full of disdain as he takes in Armin's appearance.

"Uh—I—I'm here for Eren," the blonde mumbles, averting his gaze to his shoes. He has never felt so uncomfortable by another person's mere aura before.

"Eren is with his sister. I'm leaving on business today. Who _are_ you?"

Not wanting to say, Armin just nods his head quickly, consumed by discomfort and wanting to escape the situation. "I'll check there, then. Sorry," he squeaks, before bolting down the hallway and rapidly up the the three flights of stairs to Mikasa's apartment.

The familiar rush of butterflies returns as the door opens there, and Armin feels relief flood through his veins as he sees that it is Eren, in the flesh. He is dressed in boxers, knee-high socks, and a sweatshirt, his go-to outfit when he stays at home.

"Oh. Hi Armin," Eren greets his boyfriend, a smile creeping up onto his features, brightening his mismatched eyes and tinting his cheeks a rosy pink. He is a bit subdued, but cheerful nonetheless, mood boosting considerably upon the blonde's arrival.

"Hi," Armin greets him, smiling jovially. "Can I come in?"

"Of course." Eren steps aside, opening up a pathway for the blonde inside. He slips off his shoes, feet sinking into the plush carpeting as he breathes in. It smells like pancakes, despite the fact that it's the afternoon, and it fills Armin with a warm comfort. Soft music plays in the corner from the record player, Billy Joel's voice ringing out clearly through the interior of the apartment in quiet melodies. The fear from his encounter with Eren's father melts away into nothingness.

"Annie and Mika aren't here. They went out," Eren explains. "They won't be back till late. So we'll be alone for a while."

"Cool," Armin remarks, taking a seat in one of the stools at the kitchen counter. Eren is busy at work brewing tea, and Armin watches him from behind, observing the way the baggy fabric of his sweatshirt falls on his slim figure as he sways from side to side in time with the music, backside accentuated by the tighter fit of his underwear. They share the quiet, the tranquil atmosphere bringing him back down to earth. It's nice.

There is a new heaviness in their relationship that wasn't present before. After Armin's declaration of his perpetual suicidal tendencies, Eren seemed more attached to him, something cautious in his gaze for a full week afterwards. Today feels different, though. It feels like things are normal again.

The kettle whistles, and the brunette boy lowers the fire, removing two cups from the cabinet above him with swiftness. Eren spins around, humming softly as he pours the steaming hot water into each cup. Armin watches as the deep brown coloring of the tea seeps into the clear liquid, filling up the cup. Eren seats himself beside the blonde, taking a sip of his own.

"Do you want honey?" he asks softly.

"I'm okay. Thank you, rocket man," Armin whispers in return, and Eren laughs. "You're silly."

The two boys sip their tea and make light conversation, filling in the gaps of silence between them. And then Eren gets quieter and more serious, eyes tracing every single feature on Armin's face, locking in on his ocean eyes before quickly looking away, embarrassed.

"What's wrong?" the blonde inquires gently.

A flush is spreading throughout Eren's olive skin, starting at the base of his neck and blooming on his cheeks. "I-I want to kiss you," he murmurs shyly, fiddling with his hands in his lap.

Armin smiles endearingly, resting a hand on top of Eren's nervous ones to still them. "You can kiss me," he says. "You can kiss me anytime."

Eren hops down from the stool, sliding his arms around Armin's waist awkwardly. They are at the exact same level, gravitating closer to each other in earnest affection. Eren can't make eye contact, staring at a spot on Armin's nose to avoid it. They haven't kissed like this in weeks, and it feels unfamiliar, both of them trying to get their bearings as the tension grows between them. Finally Eren closes the gap, and their lips connect in a tentative yearning, fitting together perfectly.

Eren can forget about everything else when they kiss. His problems and worries fade away and dissolve in the purity of the moment. Armin breaks away momentarily, cradling Eren's face in his hand. "Can we go to your room?" he asks in a delicate voice. "I think it would be more comfortable."

"O-okay," Eren responds. Armin eases off the stool and the two of them proceed to Eren's room, immediately reconnecting in blissful happiness. _Happy. Eren makes me feel happy,_ Armin thinks with overwhelming sureness as their interactions deepen in intimacy. _I was never happy before I met him._

• • •

"If you could go anywhere, where would you wanna go?"

It's hours later, and the boys lounge on Eren's bed, empty containers of takeout at their feet. Armin is of the strange variety who doesn't like pizza, so they ordered pasta instead, bellies full from the meal. Eren's sketchbook lays open on his bedside table, turned to his latest drawing. It is illuminated in the lamp that hovers above it, the sharp light defining the raw beauty that Armin holds in it. Within it, he is nude, face carrying the weight of the world, which Eren captures so eloquently. Armin tells him it's his best yet. Eren isn't sure.

" _Anywhere_?" Armin quizzes, to which Eren nods, hugging his knees to his chest.

"Well...I would go somewhere with really good visibility, where I could see millions and millions of stars." Armin ponders this, a dreamy look crossing his features. "Where would you go?"

Eren considers a minute. "I've stayed in New York my whole life. I don't know where I would go."

"Really?" Armin perks up in surprise. "You've never left? Not even to drive out of state and visit family, or something?"

Eren shakes his head. "Nope. We don't even talk to my extended family anymore. The most we did was move from the suburbs. That's where we used to live." He shrugs, studying a nail. "I wanna take you somewhere."

Armin smiles, his eyes brightening to their full color. "I would love to go somewhere with you. Like on a road trip, or something."

Eren returns the smile. "That would be fun." He flops onto his back, stretching out across the length of the bed. He gets serious all of a sudden. "Hey Ar...thank you for keeping me company today. I-I was kinda lonely before you came."

"It's no problem, baby," Armin responds in a whisper, leaning closer to him. "I wanted to see you."

The boys doze off a little while after that, although it is only eight o'clock at night. Eren starts school the following week, so for now he just wants to revel in the simplicity of spending a day with Armin.

• • •

Eren and Armin sleep through the night, not waking even when Mikasa and Annie enter, shutting off the lights and covering them fully in the blankets that have fallen off of them. Both of them were long overdue a full, restful night like this. Eren wakes to beaming rays of sunlight, casting the room in a warm glow. Eren peers at Armin, who is curled up with his head on the brunette's chest, breathing softly as he sleeps. His blonde hair and pale lashes shine gold in the light, illuminating his very being. Eren squeezes his eyes shut, savoring the moment.

_I never want this to end._

As if on cue, there is a knock on the door.

"Eren and Armin," Mikasa calls in a singsong voice. "Want breakfast?"

At this request, Armin's eyes slowly open, and he rubs the sleepy haze from them as he rolls over and pushes himself up to sitting. He and Eren exchange a glance, before Eren calls back, "Yes, we do."

After taking turns brushing their teeth, the boys proceed into the main room and seat themselves at the table. Mikasa places a stack of steaming hot pancakes in front of them, sliding the plate towards them.

"You can share," she says. "Have at it."

Eren dives into it immediately, eating with reckless abandon. Armin laughs to himself at Eren's eating habits and tears off a small piece, chewing it slowly.

Eren takes a moment to sip his orange juice and finds himself observing his blonde boyfriend, admiring the effortless way he enjoys his pancakes, and still managing to look pretty while doing it. He looks well-rested, his skin holding a healthy glow as it catches the light from the sun.

Armin notices, pausing his polite eating to peer over at Eren with questioning eyes. "What?" he inquires.

The brunette boy giggles, flush diffusing throughout his cheeks. "Nothing," he insists, with a lingering smile. "You're just beautiful."

Now it's Armin's turn to blush, shaking his head with a shy grin as he burrows deeper into his hoodie. Annie and Mikasa watch this unfold from the kitchen, laughing to themselves.

Mikasa's phone buzzes madly on the counter, distracting her from Eren and Armin. She doesn't recognize the number, but upon seeing that the call is from California, where Grisha has gone, she feels inclined to answer.

"Hello?" she speaks in a quizzical tone, waiting impatiently for a response. Annie leans against the counter, staring over at her in confusion.

"Mikasa, this is Grisha," a staticky voice speaks. "I'm in prison in Anaheim."

In complete shock, Mikasa nearly drops her phone. "You're _what_?" she shouts, which attracts the attention of the boys across the room.

"I _said_ , I'm in prison. Things aren't looking good, so I want you to know that you'll be taking care of Eren. Indefinitely."

Mikasa, still entirely shocked by this news, continues to yell. "Oh, so I can't know _why_ you're in prison? You get to leave your son ' _indefinitely_ ' because you're too selfish to take care of him? Well, fuck you." She hangs up in an instant, leaving a thick silence throughout the apartment.

Eren stares down at the table, scratching at the wood with his fingernail. Unsure of what to do, Armin scoots his chair closer to the boy, draping an arm around his shoulders.

"Eren, come here," Mikasa speaks, breaking through the uncomfortable quiet. "Let's talk, okay?"

Armin and Annie watch as the sibling pair proceed into Eren's room, closing the door behind them. "Do you know what's happening?" Armin asks in a hushed tone. Annie shrugs, honestly clueless.

Mikasa and Eren return after fifteen minutes, the brunette's expression blank and unreadable. Armin runs up to the boy, taking his hands in desperation. "Baby, are you okay?" he asks in a panicked whisper. Eren grins, resting his forehead against the blonde's and nodding. "Yup, I'm okay."

As bad as it is, Eren can't help but feel immense satisfaction at Grisha's imprisonment. After years of constantly facing his disappointment and humiliation, he's getting exactly what he deserves. Eren can't find a single thing wrong with the situation, including the fact that he now gets to permanently live with his wonderful older sister. Things are okay, considering how they were before.

That night, Eren plans road trips in his head as he falls asleep.


	18. Chapter 18

A week into the new school year, Miss Petra is at her desk after the final bell rings, busy at work grading papers. Her hand is starting to ache from the constant writing of comments. She is interrupted by a tentative knock on the doorframe.

Eren stands in the doorway, smiling awkwardly down at his sneakers. He wears black skinny jeans and a red plaid flannel, chocolate brown hair falling in his eyes. As outwardly nervous as he is, his aura radiates a contentment that Miss Petra is glad to see.

"Hi, Miss Petra," Eren greets her softly.

"Eren!" the auburn-haired woman exclaims delightedly. "It's so good to see you!"

"C-can I come in?"

"Of course!" Eren steps inside, and his former teacher stands and meets him halfway, enveloping him in a hug.

"I miss you," Eren mumbles.

Miss Petra pulls away, holding him at arm's length. She is a petite woman, and Eren is a whole head taller than her.

"I miss you too, honey! How are your classes?"

Eren shrugs. "Th-they're fine. Jean is in three of them, s-so I have someone to talk to."

"That's great!" she beams, observing the visible change in maturity that is present in the brunette. It's striking, really—he is still timid, but there is a new confidence in his eyes, and in the way he carries himself. It's looking on him then that Miss Petra feels a wave of sadness wash over her. At the end of the year, Eren will be graduating. It's strange for her to think about.

"Are you excited for college? Art school is exciting, don't you think?"

Eren fidgets anxiously, shrugging and narrowing his eyes at the ground. "U-um...I don't know. M-meeting all new people? I don't know how I feel."

Miss Petra nods in understanding. "Well, if you ever need somebody to talk to, I'm always here." She smiles kindly, reaching up to pat Eren's shoulder. He returns the smile, making eye contact for a millisecond before expressing his thanks. It's progress.

Eren meets Armin in the coffee shop down the street. Having been insanely busy with physics work, Armin hasn't seen Eren since the beginning of the week. He greets Eren at the door, wearing his favorite overalls with a purple shirt underneath. Armin bounces up on his tiptoes and plants a kiss on Eren's lips before the brunette can object, and when he pulls away the blonde is smiling radiantly, counteracting his anxiety. They have never kissed in public before, but Eren finds he doesn't mind.

Eren takes his seat at a table in the back as Armin orders. The blonde returns with his iced coffee, which he slurps down gratefully.

"I was thinking," Armin begins, pressing his fingertips together. "Marco and I really need a break from studying tonight, and since it's a Friday, I figured you and Jean could make it too. So...do you want to go to this arcade place tonight? It was Marco's idea."

Eren's eyes light up at the prospect, his mind whirring with all sorts of thoughts. Armin reads his reaction as a positive one, breaking out into an endearing smile.

"Is that a yes?" he continues, raising his eyebrows at the smile in Eren's bright, mismatched eyes. Eren nods, a tentative grin making its way onto his face.

Three hours later, the four boys are packed into Armin's car, music filling it up from the speakers. Jean's previous complaint that Eren's music taste is just shitty 80s music led to the brunette's vengeful volume boost, the current song being Sweet Dreams by the Eurythmics. Besides this, though, Jean is undeniably happy and in love, which is very apparent in his constant, charming gaze directed towards Marco. It's quite sweet, really.

Armin's silver car pulls up in a packed parking lot next to a building. The sign on the side is illuminated in neon colors, displaying a picture of a UFO next to the name of the arcade. Eren feels his chest tighten and his throat constrict with the familiar anxiety that crowded places brings him, but the feelings dissolve into nothingness once Armin touches his hand.

"You okay, baby?" the blonde whispers gently, which sends a chill down Eren's spine. He nods, leaning into the shorter boy, who slides an arm around his waist. "Okay. Let's go inside. I've got you."

Upon entering, Eren's senses are overwhelmed with flashing lights, bright colors, and loud noises. The taller boys zip ahead of them, Marco pulling Jean insistently along and shouting something that Eren can't decipher. They disappear, leaving their friends behind, huddled together amongst the chaos of the arcade.

"Okay, so what do you wanna try first?" Armin asks, turning to face Eren and studying the glow of his dark olive skin, illuminated in the colorful lights.

"Mm...I d-don't know," Eren mumbles, hiding his face in his sleeve shyly. "Th-there's just a-a lot of people..." The brunette trails off, tears stinging his eyes. He feels stupid, standing awkwardly in the midst of all of the commotion on the verge of a breakdown.

Armin whisks him away from the vicinity, towards the back and where the restaurant area is. "Do you maybe want to eat first?" he suggests, trying to halt Eren's frantic breathing, and the tears that spill down his cheeks. Guilt clouds his view, preventing him from thinking as rationally as he normally would. "I'm sorry, Eren...I just wanted you to have fun, I didn't realize..."

"I-it's not your fault," Eren manages, wiping his eyes on his shirtsleeve. "I-I'll be okay."

The boys find a quiet corner to sit and share a basket of fries, which boosts Eren's mood considerably. Armin keeps making him laugh, and showers him in compliments that restore a piece of his confidence. Marco dashes over with Jean trailing behind him, beckoning them to join them in playing some games. Eren assures Armin that he will now be fine, and the four boys proceed to the games area.

Jean seizes Eren's arm excitedly. "Hey dude, I challenge you to a racing game," he says enthusiastically, pointing across the way at the game in question. Eren smirks, putting on his best competitive nature. "You're on," he says, and they bolt towards it.

Eren and Jean are minding their own business in the second round of the game, their competition intensifying, when there is a familiar, unpleasant voice behind them. Eren tenses automatically, unable to mistake the telltale voice.

"Connie, what do you want?" Jean sighs, eyes rolling dramatically as he steps down from the game's bike. He stands to his full height before the scrawny boy, who is accompanied by his girlfriend, Sasha. She munches on a cheeseburger, paying no mind to the boys' conflict as her eyes remain focused on something across the room.

"I don't want anything. I was just trying to be civil," he remarks with a shrug, tucking his hands into his jeans pockets. His gaze snaps towards Eren, who remains with his back turned, hands gripping the handles of the game in a death grip. It is in that instant that Armin skips over, Marco not far behind. "Hey, Eren!" he exclaims. "I came to check on you, how's everything?" He only gets to utter this sentence before he takes notice of the apparent conversation between Jean and Connie, and Eren's obvious discomfort. He and Marco exchange a look, the freckled male approaching Jean and placing a tentative hand on his shoulder to reduce his irritation.

"Whoa, Jaeger, is this your girl?" Connie remarks, eyeing Armin with particular interest. Jean snorts at the insinuation, and the blonde boy, who now stands facing the boy in question, laughs good-naturedly.

"I'm a boy," he corrects him, with a shrug and an unfailing smile. The mistake doesn't bother him a bit. He experienced enough grade school taunting about his long hair and "feminine" clothing to give him a lifetime of immunity to comments like this one. Turning away from Connie, he extends a hand for Eren to take, despite the fact that he has retreated back into himself out of sheer embarrassment.

"Take my hand, I'll help you down," Armin says in an encouraging tone. Eren accepts the invitation, climbing down from the game and averting his eyes from the stressful situation. Armin keeps holding his hand, squeezing it in reassurance.

Eren scowls at the floor as the six of them stand in a circle in an unpleasant silence. Finally, Armin pipes up, "Hey Eren! There's a game I wanted to show you," and starts dragging him off in the other direction. The brunette breathes out a sigh of relief that the encounter is over, but Connie stops them.

"Wait."

The two boys turn in the direction of Connie's voice, taking particular notice at the way his nose wrinkles in slight disgust at their joined hands. "Can I play one round of this game with Eren. Just one round."

Quirking an eyebrow, Armin shrugs, gazing in Eren's direction. "Um...are you okay with that?" he asks softly.

Still avoiding eye contact with Connie, he nods, inching closer to Armin just to further Connie's irritation. "Sure," he whispers in his ear. He plants a purposeful kiss on Armin's cheek as his hand falls away, and the blonde smirks and wonders where his unusual boldness has come from.

Connie rolls his eyes and climbs onto the game's bike. Eren does the same, his palms sweaty as he grips the handles tightly. His heart is thudding so hard he can hear it in his ears, swelling above the noise that blurs together. Armin watches with calm, ocean blue eyes that gleam in the neon-colored lights of the arcade. He turns away, focusing on the screen in front of him.

"Ready to go, Jaeger?" the boy beside him asks, and Eren pays him no mind, watching as the numbers tick down from five. _Go!_ flashes across the screen, and Eren accelerates the fake bike, determined to get ahead. Connie curses under his breath beside him, muttering something about revenge. The brunette boy still pays no attention to him.

Connie continued to make snide remarks to him but he ignores them, focusing solely on getting ahead in the game. Soon enough they have crossed the finish line, and beads of sweat crop up on Eren's temples as he realizes he has won.

Connie hops off the bike in a sudden rage, brows furrowed and fists clenched. "What the hell, man. You cheated!" he shouts, outraged. Eren shies away from his sudden yelling and nearly falls backwards off the bike, before being steadies by Marco. He shouldn't be intimidated by Connie's puny gait but he is, the whole situation being too stressful and overwhelming for him. The shorter boy seizes a grip on his arm, and Eren yanks out of it, immediately flying into defense mode. Armin dashes up out of nowhere before Eren's fist can make contact with the other boy's face, and Connie stumbles backwards, masking the fear in his eyes with an unforgiving sneer.

Armin locks him into place with a gaze that communicates warning in the coldest way possible. "What do you think you're doing?" Armin asks him, in a tone that Eren doesn't recognize. Intrigued, he watches as the taller boy backs into the bike, his smug smirk fading as his intimidation becomes apparent. Sasha continues to ignore them all.

"Nothing, I—we're cool, I was joking I didn't mean any harm—"

"If you lay your hands on Eren I will make your life a living hell," he says in an eerily calm voice, eyes icy enough to send a shuddering chill through Connie that freezes his bones. "Understand?" Connie nods, eyes bulging out of his skull at the seemingly-sweet boy's threatening words. Eren, Jean, and Marco all watch in astonishment as Connie scampers off with his girlfriend, disappearing into the crowds.

"Holy shit, dude," Jean says as soon as Connie is long gone. "That was incredible."

Marco laughs heartily, covering his mouth with a freckled hand. "Remind me never to mess with you."

Armin chuckles in return, turning to face Eren. "Come on, let's go play Dance Dance Revolution," he suggested, and Eren follows him wordlessly, still processing the situation.

The two couples spend a few hours more in the arcade, earning as many tickets as possible to win a big prize. Eren finally points out that he and Armin have earned more than enough, and so they head to the back counter to trade them in.

"Hello, what can I get for you tonight?" an uninterested worker drawls from behind the register. Eren peers up at the prize selections, scanning his eyes over items that evade his interest, until they lock on a giant, pink stuffed elephant. Gasping, Eren points excitedly in its direction, and Armin and the salesperson follow his gaze.

"The elephant?" the worker asks, and Eren nods ecstatically, a genuine smile brightening his exhausted features. "Okay. That'll be three thousand tickets."

Eren dumps an armful of tickets onto the counter, grinning eagerly as he watches they count the quantity. Finally concluding that they have enough, the worker yanks the stuffed elephant down from its place and hands it to Eren.

"Here you go, have a nice night," they say with a sigh, and Eren hugs his prize tightly to his chest, absolutely delighted. Armin thinks it's adorable.

They sit on a bench near the entrance and wait for Jean and Marco to claim their prize. Eren leans his head on Armin's shoulder, sleepiness taking over. "Doing alright?" Armin asks him, peering over at the brunette.

"Tired," Eren mumbles into his t-shirt. He yawns for good measure.

"Alright. We'll go home," Armin whispers in reply. "I'll take you to my apartment."

Eren dozes off in the passenger's seat as they drive back, head resting on the plush material of his stuffed elephant. Jean and Marco talk amongst each other in the back, both looking sleepy but staying awake.

After Armin drops off the other couple and they all say their goodbyes, he manages to shake Eren awake and follows him as he trudges slowly up the stairs leading to his apartment.

Armin flicks on the light as they enter, and Eren makes his way to Armin's bedroom straight away. The blonde goes to the bathroom to brush his teeth, change into pajamas, and tie up his hair before bed. When he returns to the untidy chaos of his room, he finds Eren, burrowed underneath the blankets and snuggled up against the oversized stuffed animal. Smiling softly to himself, he presses a gentle kiss to the brunette boy's soft hair and climbs in bed beside him. "Good night," he whispers, before curling up against him and drifting off into an easy sleep.

• • •

Eren wakes from a dream to the pounding of rain against the windows. Thunder rumbles in the distance, and his eyes flutter open, adjusting to the dim light that streams into the room, gray and foggy. He is still clutching his stuffed animal, and rubs his sleepy eyes to rid himself of the disoriented feeling of waking up from a dream. Armin is absent, the tiny space where his thin frame usually fits noticeably empty.

Eren proceeds to the bathroom to brush his teeth, frowning at his reflection in the spotless mirror. His bed head is truly impressive—at least eight separate pieces of hair stick up from his head, and his face is smudged from the way it was pressed into the pillow. He pays close attention to his eyes, one being a startling turquoise and the other a creamy brown, flecks of gold shining through. Armin tells him almost everyday that his eyes are beautiful. Eren still wishes they could have agreed on one color.

Eren's throat is unbearably dry and scratchy. Exiting the bathroom with a refreshed, minty mouth, he stumbles into the kitchen and finds Armin, back turned, stood beside the stove. The smell of eggs wafts in Eren's direction, and he notices the pill bottle in Armin's unsteady hands. They're trembling unsurely, gripping the bottle tightly. Boldness overcomes him then, and he marches into the kitchen, not wanting to see Armin in distress.

"Ar?" he pipes up, his voice hoarse and cracking on the syllable. His confidence fades and he shrinks back as the blonde turns to look at him through splotchy, shiny eyes.

"Oh...good morning," he greets his boyfriend, who stands awkwardly in half of last night's clothes—hoodie, boxers, and socks. He flashes a wobbly smile, swiping a hand over his eyes and spinning back around to tend to the eggs. Dissatisfied with this outcome, Eren dashes up to him, and without warning, closes all of the remaining space between them, wrapping him up in a giant, warm hug.

Armin squeaks in surprise before melting into the embrace, reveling in the comfort that it brings him. Eren is so empathetic, he finds himself overwhelmed with more emotion than he knows what to do with.

"I-I love you, a lot," Eren says quietly, almost hesitantly—Armin only leans into him more, accepting the sentiment.

"I love you too, a lot," Armin echoes, breathing into Eren's hoodie. He smells like French fries, and cinnamon deodorant, and maple syrup, and like _home_. He wants to cry all over again.

Armin pulls away eventually, remembering the task at hand. He grabs the orange pill bottle once again, this time in experienced hands, and twists the top open. Grabbing the slender white pill, he pops it in his mouth, swallowing it with a few sips of water. It's a simple ritual, but he can't help but notice Eren's frown, and the way he averts his eyes at the action.

"What's wrong?" Armin asks carefully, watching as Eren's hands disappear into his sleeves and he gnaws at his lip.

"I...I just..." He trails off, guilt consuming his every feature. "Seeing you take medicine makes me sad."

Armin is silent for a moment. "Why?"

Eren fidgets, his gaze still pointed at the tile floor. He is clearly uncomfortable. "Um...m-my mom...used to take medicine."

Armin is intrigued. It's the first time he has mentioned his mom without breaking down, and Armin measures his discomfort. Armin knows he shouldn't pry but he can't help the curiosity that lingers. "What was your mom like?" he asks, words as delicate as glass.

Eren considers this, surprisingly not shying away from the question. His eyes gleam with something unfamiliar, and an unusual calm falls across his face.

"My mom? She was tall, and really beautiful, and had dark hair and darker skin than me. She...she, um, she liked to sing, and...and listen to records, and...cook, and she never killed bugs or hurt anybody. She never made me feel...not normal." Eren's voice breaks on the last phrase, and he shakes his head quickly as his voice falters, eyes filling up with sudden tears. "Uh..."

Armin can sense his rising panic, and so he rests a hand on top of Eren's, massaging his bony fingers until his breathing slows from short huffs into deeper, more even breaths. He's biting his lip so hard Armin is afraid it will bleed, but the blonde is still proud of him for being able to speak so freely about a topic that causes him pain. Steering away from the subject, he asks in a kind voice, "Want breakfast?"

Both boys sit quietly together as they dine on their eggs, making occasional eye contact. A heaviness weighs down upon Armin that he can't ignore, and Eren's thoughts about his mother have left him subdued.

Even in their mutual unhappiness, though, they find a peace. They can be themselves, and they can be not okay, and that's okay. Armin still daydreams about the stars, and Eren dreams about taking him there. For now, though, they sit in the quiet together, on a rainy Saturday morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the reads you guys are amazing <3 I hope everyone enjoyed this update and is having a good day :)


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is super cheesy and sappy but I love it :') thanks for all the reads and I hope you enjoy!!!

It's Halloween, and Eren and Armin are slow-dancing on the roof to 80s music.

Candy wrappers lay scattered on the concrete, next to the speaker that plays their music softly. Neither of them has costumes, but that's okay. They're enjoying each other's company immensely. Eren stares down at his scuffed black sneakers, too shy to make eye contact.

"This is way better than a party with lots of people, right?" Armin whispers as one song fades into the next. Eren laughs quietly, his breath tickling Armin's neck.

"Way better," he agrees. Earlier that evening he expressed his resentment for people who were able to attend big parties without anxiety, and Armin decided to make it up to him, so that he never felt like he was missing out again.

So they keep dancing, and their world is at the center of it all—crashed down from sugar high, sadness forgotten, problems light years away. When they're together, nothing seems to matter at all.

• • •

**happy birthday ar :D ♡ ♡ ♡ I can't believe I've known you for almost a year omg :0 now you're 19 :0 ily so much and I hope your bday is great :) ♡ also I have your present and I hope you like it :) :) :)**

This is the first thing Armin sees when he wakes, a message from Eren that came at midnight on November 3rd, his birthday—it is now eight in the morning on November 3rd. He smiles, delighted at the brunette boy's kindness, before typing his response.

**Thank you Eren! ♡ ♡ ♡ I'll be back later, I'm with my grandfather right now! I can't wait to see what you got me!!! :)**

Armin throws the covers off of himself, bouncing to his feet and stretching. He feels optimistic, mainly that he has so many wonderful people to share his birthday with this year. After brushing his teeth, he files into the kitchen, greeting his grandfather who presents him with a heaping plate of breakfast. His face is kind, gray-blue eyes crinkling with pride as he looks upon his grandson, standing tall and confident in the light.

"Happy birthday, my boy," he greets the blonde with an earnest smile, enveloping him in an embrace that speaks volumes. They both know well how important this is—Armin could have died multiple times before, and his grandfather is endlessly grateful to see him reach nineteen.

Armin sits at the table and begins to eat, perfectly content with the atmosphere. His grandfather approaches the table, setting an envelope down on the table.

"Go ahead and open it," the old man encourages him as the younger direct a quizzical gaze towards him. Armin tears the envelope open with gentle fingers, revealing a simple card with "Happy Birthday" on it. Opening it up, Armin gasps as he spots the quantity of money taped to the side.

"Wait, five hundred dollars?!" Armin practically screams, jumping out of his seat. "Wait, what's this for?!"

Mr. Arlert chuckles, putting a hand on Armin's shoulder to steady him. "Eren wrote me a note about how he wanted me to take you on this trip, to this nature preserve in Pennsylvania, and he explained to me exactly where he wanted you to go, and how it would make him really happy if your birthday present was the trip...and he was just so passionate about it in the letter, so I decided that it was a trip you two should be going on. So...this money is for the trip. I wanted it to be a surprise, so I never showed you the letter."

Armin feels sudden tears flood his eyes, and he practically throws himself into his grandfather's arms, the tears trickling down his cheeks. "Oh my god, I'm so happy," he gushes, breathing in the lavender scent on his grandfather's sweater. "Thank you so much, I love you, this is the best present ever..."

Mr. Arlert chuckles. "Don't thank me, thank Eren."

•     •     •

Armin leaves his grandfather's house two hours later, clutching the card tightly in one hand, Eren's letter in the other. It's practically ingrained into his memory now.

Upon reaching Mikasa's apartment, he is greeted by none other than the brunette boy, who is beaming, hair combed neatly, and wearing a purple flannel shirt that Armin doesn't recognize. He doesn't get to say anything, because Armin tackles him in a hug, conveying all of his emotions through the simple gesture. "Happy birthday," Eren whispers between giggles. "I have your present...I-I mean...your other present."

"Okay." Armin pulls away momentarily to press a short kiss to Eren's mouth, and he returns it with enthusiasm. "Thank you."

Armin follows Eren inside, and he is greeted by Mikasa and Annie, who both lounge on the couch in onesies. There is cake on the counter, frosted with in blue icing— _Happy Birthday Armin!_ it reads, with wobbly hearts and smiley faces that were mostly likely Eren's doing.

The brunette returns to the main room, holding a canvas behind his back and biting his lip shyly. "Um..." He trails off, a curtain of chocolate hair covering his face and hiding his nervousness. "I made this for you..." He practically shoves it into Armin's hands, and the blonde chuckles. His smile disappears as he observes the artwork on the canvas, breath hitching in his throat.

Depicted in layers of brilliant, deep blue hues is a painting of the ocean, and two boys walk alongside it—one whose golden locks shine in the sunlight, and one with messy chocolate hair. They're holding hands, and though the main emphasis is on the massive blue ocean, they stand out as they walk along the tan sand.

Armin has so many words for the masterpiece that he holds in his hands, and so many feelings he could never express in words. Instead, he says, voice dripping in awe, "This...I'm speechless, Eren. This is so amazing. _You're_ so amazing. I hope you know that. This is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen."

A strawberry pink hue trickles throughout Eren's cheeks, and his tentative smile widens into one of confidence at Armin's compliments. "Thank you," he responds, finally. Mikasa and Annie smile fondly at the boys' interactions from their spot on the couch together.

The four of them enjoy slices of cake together, Eren stealing extended glances at the blonde boy who sits beside him, no room between them. He loves Armin so much it hurts. This fact is overwhelmingly apparent to his sister and her girlfriend, who watch them exchange sweet words and tiny amounts of shared contact. Even in their playful, flirtatious gestures, that ever-present gentleness lasts.

The rest of their day is spent watching movies in Eren's room, discussing everything and nothing all at once. Things are so simple when he's with Eren, who he loves with every fiber of his being. It's all Armin could have ever asked for.

•     •     •

"Do you have everything?"

A nod.

"Are you sure?"

Another nod.

"Call and text me when you get there, okay?"

One final nod. Mikasa pulls her brother into a tight hug, and he returns the gesture with equal earnest. "I'll miss you," she says. "Have fun, be safe."

"I'll miss you too, Mika," Eren responds with a smile. "And I will, bye." He climbs into the passenger's seat of the car and shuts the door, watching as Mikasa and Annie wave until they're two blurs in the distance.

It's November 9th—six days after Armin's birthday. The boys are taking a long weekend to go on Eren's proposed trip, and are returning on Sunday night. Eren's heart is full to bursting. He's so excited, and Armin is feeling similarly, unable to keep himself from smiling wide.

Turning to Armin who focuses on the road ahead of him intently, he takes a deep breath in, watching as the buildings start to disappear. They have five hours on the road ahead of them. Eren has never been out of the state, and it's exciting. It's particularly thrilling to be doing it with Armin.

Eren plugs his phone into the USB to play some music and promptly falls asleep.

•     •     •

Three hours remain in their journey. Eren has slept through an hour of it so far, and spent the other hour sketching and singing along to the songs on the playlist he made, much to Armin's delight and amusement. It's really adorable when Eren sings, and he has a rather pleasant voice that he doesn't mind listening to nonstop. Now he munches on a cheeseburger as Armin pumps gas outside the car, staring around at his unfamiliar surroundings.

Armin hops back into the front seat, taking a sip of his milkshake. "Let's go!" he exclaims.

Soon enough they are back coasting down the highway, the sun high in the sky and illuminating the scenery in front of them. Eren focuses his gaze on Armin, who drives with a relaxed attitude towards the road before him. His sundrop yellow hair falls out of the neat bun behind his head, and occasionally he picks up his sandwich to take a careful bite.

The blonde notices Eren's stare, and glances over at him, then back towards the road. "What?" he inquired innocently.

"Nothing. Just looking at you," Eren mumbles, grinning. A faint blush paints Armin's cheeks, and he smiles shyly, a rarity for him.

Eren turns up the music, turning back to the world beyond. And so they drive.

• • •

It's six o'clock in the evening when they reach their destination in Pennsylvania.

They drive past a town with shops and restaurants, and Eren marvels at the small, quiet atmosphere. Living in the city, it feels like there's never a moment of rest, no this town embodies the serenity he often yearns for.

"Want to get something to eat?" Armin asks the brunette boy, who nods eagerly. His stomach growls, as if on cue, and Armin laughs, remembering that their last meal was only three hours prior. "Okay. I'll find someplace."

They pull up in front of a tiny restaurant eventually, and proceed inside. Eren eats his weight in sushi, and Armin dines on a much smaller portion, highly amused at Eren's immense appetite. It's a little after seven when they finish, and they decide to explore the town. Armin spots a bookstore, and they spend their time browsing until it's closing time, and Armin limits himself to two books, not wanting to waste their stash of money.

They walk throughout the town, the moon their only guide.

• • •

It's almost eleven when they make it to the hotel. It's only two minutes from the nearby town. Eren and Armin are wholly happy, giddy off of ice cream and stupid jokes whispered in each other's ears, and Armin is giggling so much that his face is flushed, ivory skin tinted cherry red. Eren likes to make Armin laugh.

His arm is linked in Eren's and his face is buried in the brunette's shoulder as he laughs, and he severely regrets wearing shorts as goosebumps crop up on his legs in the chilly air.

Upon entering the hotel, the boys peer around the lobby, absorbing their surroundings. It's quaint, and cozy, and their sneakers scuff against the beige tile floor, Armin's flowery Vans beside Eren's black converse. The receptionist looks up at their arrival, sighing as they approach the front desk.

Armin stifles his laughter into his sweatshirt sleeve, digging around in his pocket for a portion of the money. He slaps it onto the counter, staring the receptionist in the eyes.

"Can we get one room please?" he requests politely. "With a double bed?"

Quirking an eyebrow, the receptionist nods. "Alright." Picking up the money, they count it meticulously, sharp brown eyes tracing over the pair as they do so. "Okay, you have just enough. Enjoy your stay." Sliding a room key across the counter, Armin accepts it gratefully and slips it into his pocket. "Thank you!" he chirps, taking Eren's hand with his free one and proceeding towards the elevators.

Once inside, Eren observes his reflection in the mirror of the elevator, staring at the slope of his nose, and the patches of a breakout on his deep-toned, brown skin, and his chocolate hair, sticking up in six different directions. His bottom lip is bruised and raw from his incessant nervous habit of chewing it, and his eyes glow strangely in the lights above.

"I'm excited," he says finally, voice hoarse from underuse. "I haven't stayed in a hotel in a really long time."

"It'll be fun!" Armin exclaims, beaming radiantly. "I'm excited to spend lots of time with you."

The elevator dings, signifying they have arrived at their destination, and Eren follows Armin down the hallway, walking softly on the carpeting, until they reach their door. Armin sticks the key card into the slot, pushing the door open.

Eren takes in their surroundings as they step inside. Their feet sink further into the plush carpeting as they observe the tiny desk in the corner, and the immaculate white sheets on the bed. Eren breathes in, inhaling the clean smell that accompanies the room. Armin flops onto the bed and spreads out like a starfish, the sheets cool against the bare skin of his legs. Light shines on his blonde head like a halo, and Eren can't help the awe he feels looking upon his boyfriend.

"This is nice, right?" Armin opens one eye, gazing at Eren from his stance across the room. Feeling beckoned simply by Armin's delicate tone, Eren nods, falling into bed beside him. He turns so that their noses bump and he can feel Armin's smile against his cheek.

"This is really nice," Armin whispers between gentle, chaste kisses. Eren's lips are chapped against the other boy's cool, smooth ones, but his self-consciousness melts away as their kisses deepen, Armin's hand curling around his waist and bringing him in closer.

Eren separates momentarily to take a few even breaths, eyes traveling the expanse of Armin's face. Every little detail counts—every tiny freckle, dimple, and blemish.

"Should we unpack?" he asks innocently, watching as the blonde's nose wrinkles in aversion to this notion.

"Nah, we can do it tomorrow," he concludes in a drawn-out whisper. He leans in and captures Eren's lips again, shifting from on his side to on top of the brunette boy gently.

Armin is so sweet to him in these moments, removing each article of their clothing with effortless grace, and stopping to make sure Eren is okay, and the delicate flutter of kisses he presses to Eren's skin—his jaw, chest, belly, hips, thighs—which simply serve as a kind reassurance. He's so considerate.

Eren is so in love with him he feels dizzy, in love with his ocean blue eyes, glowing like sapphires in the dim light, and the tiny, reassuring smile on his bubblegum pink lips, and every inch of his creamy white skin, dotted with freckles and beauty marks. Eren's focus centers solely on the blonde boy, who touches him like he is something glorious and valuable, and makes him feel so safe and secure. He is everything, the sun and the moon and the stars all wrapped into one.

Afterwards they lay with their bare bodies concealed beneath the covers, exchanging soft kisses with eyes drooped half-closed from exhaustion. Armin giggles as Eren's fingertips brush his side—he's ticklish there, as Eren discovered months ago. "Stop it," he protests softly, pushing Eren's hand away, and the brunette obliges with a sleepy smile.

"I need to take a shower," Armin sighs, rubbing at his eyes to clear the haze of sleep from them. "Me too," Eren agrees. "Can I go first?"

Armin nods. "Sure." Eren sits up, glancing sideways at the blonde, whose big cerulean eyes remain trained on the brunette.

"Close your eyes!" Eren insists, and Armin laughs at this before covering his eyes with a pale hand, and Eren retreats into the bathroom.

•     •     •

An hour later he is still not asleep. He can hear Armin's humming along with the shower water, and he sits in the plush chair by the window, sketchbook resting against his knees. Staring out at the scenery below, he finds himself in awe of the natural world. Everything is so much quieter without the constant bombardment of city life, and he revels in the quiet serenity.

The water shuts off as Eren starts a rough sketch of the ground below. His pencil moves effortlessly across the paper, and he lets himself relax into the familiarity of the sketch.

Armin reappears after a few minutes of this, peering over Eren's shoulder at his drawing. "That's so pretty, Eren," he says, smiling kindly. Eren returns the smile. "Thank you," he murmurs.

"I'm gonna sleep, okay? You can turn the light off when you need to." Armin plants a kiss on his cheek. "Good night."

"Good night," Eren replies. He returns to his sketch as Armin burrows beneath the covers and drifts off to sleep.

Eren inhales deeply, feeling a calm settle around him. He hasn't felt an ounce of anxiety all day. It's liberating. Leaning his head against the cool glass of the window, he exhales a contented sigh and observes the quiet night.

Everything is beautiful.


	20. Chapter 20

"Hey, good morning," a soft voice sings, cutting through Eren's slumber. A hand rests carefully on his shoulder, and hair tickles the side of his face. Eren squints in the oncoming light as he tries to open his eyes, squeezing them shut tight.

"Mm...too early," he groans, swatting Armin away. The blonde boy laughs like the ringing of a bell.

"Don't you want to eat breakfast?" he coaxes.

"Later," Eren sighs. "Go away."

"I'm not gonna leave you alone until you wake up." Armin pokes him in the side. " _Eren,_ " he whines.

"Fine, I'll get up!" Sighing dramatically, the brunette boy pushes himself up onto his hands, glaring purposefully at the blonde boy. His glare loses its wrath, though, as he gazes upon his beautiful boyfriend, adorned in an oversized blue sweater, with golden hair pushed back with tiny pink flowers. Armin smiles radiantly.

"Sorry, I don't want to rush you, but it's getting late and I'm hungry! Also, I'm super excited for later!"

Their plans for that night are what cause Armin's anticipation to pique—they're going to a state park late at night to see the stars, and Armin is thrilled. It's the whole point of the trip—after hours of research on Eren's part.

"Okay, I'll get ready," Eren complies, smiling up at Armin. He leans forward, kissing the brunette on the nose, before bouncing away and leaving him to get ready.

Thirty minutes later they're back in Armin's car, gray skies ahead of them as they venture into the town. There's a tiny pancake restaurant nearby, and they enter, noticing that it's relatively empty. Eren sighs with relief at this prospect.

Eren sends a good morning text to Mikasa as he sips his orange juice. A comfortable silence exists between them, something Armin has gotten used to in his time spent with Eren. Even when he is able to speak, Eren isn't talkative. But that's okay—the silence between them speaks volumes, more than any conversation would.

After devouring their pancakes, they explore the town a bit more, going in and out of shops until they've exhausted their interest. Armin is jittery, his perpetual excitement for that night only increasing as the day wears on.

After an early dinner, it is finally time for them to go. Retrieving their remaining things from the hotel, they bid it farewell and exit, proceeding to Armin's car. "Got everything?" the blonde asks Eren, who nods in assurance.

Ahead of them, the road stretches into wilderness. The beginnings of the park begin to appear before them, and they are shaded by dense trees that surround them. Soon enough, they have made it to the front entrance. They pay their fee and are on their way.

Eren and Armin arrive in an area with vast lawn space, a few cars scattered here and there. Armin parks in an emptier area, taking a minute to breathe in deeply. "I'm so excited!" he breathes, and Eren smiles. "Me too," the brunette agrees.

Exiting the car, Armin lays out a thick blanket on the grass, along with two fluffy pillows and even more blankets. Sitting beside each other in the pile, Eren leans his head on Armin's shoulder.

"Comfortable?" the blonde asks.

Eren nods. "Yeah. It's pretty." He gestures to the orange-red highlights of the sky above them. After the sunset, it'll become completely dark, giving them the perfect view of the night sky, and all its stars.

Eren yawns deeply, flopping onto his back. Armin falls down beside him, curling his arm around Eren's waist and resting his head on his chest. He listens to the steady thrumming of his heartbeat, soothing him into a state of complete relaxation.

The setting sun dips beneath the horizon, and the light disappears with it. It's a clear night, and slightly chilly, but the boys are enveloped in warmth, buried in blankets and each other, sweaters hugging heir bodies. "We have to let our eyes adjust to the darkness," Eren whispers into Armin's ear. "Then, after a little while, we'll be able to see all the stars you could ever see."

Armin smiles, instinctively leaning towards the brunette's soft, slightly hoarse voice. It's completely dark now—and Armin feels anticipation pumping through his veins. He laces his fingers in Eren's, squeezing his hand with residual excitement.

Time passes, and it feels like an eternity. Armin's gaze is not directed up at the sky, but rather at the boy next to him, who he is suddenly able to identify without squinting. Eren gasps, pointing up at the sky. "Look!" he exclaims, and Armin's heart skips a beat.

In every area of the indigo sky, a tiny point of light shines, forming a cluster of lights, that stretches across like a blanket. The sky glows, glitters, _pulses_ with the vibrancy of millions upon millions of stars. The sky is one shimmering mass that holds the universe.

Armin is glowing, too—his entire body feels transcendent, like he is transported up to the skies and his very existence is light.

Armin doesn't notice the tears on his cheeks until his feels his lip wobble with the sudden emotion. He is sitting up with full attention pointed up above, in awe of the sheer magnitude of it. Years of dreaming for a moment like this dissolve, as those dreams become reality.

Eren stays silent, allowing Armin to soak it all in. Seeing him this happy makes his heart so full he's afraid it might explode. And so he watches him, illuminated by starlight, a pure beauty bathed in dreams.

• • •

Armin wakes to the slivers of light of dawn, and the soft snores of the brunette in his ear. He is still overwhelmingly in awe of the beautiful view of the stars from the previous night. He stared for hours, pointing out constellations to Eren until the brunette boy slipped into sleep. Eventually he drifted off as well, underneath the blanket of stars.

Armin shifts and jostles Eren awake, who squints in sleepy annoyance, rubbing a hand over his face.

"Still sleepy? It's early," Armin whispers. Eren groans, burying his face in his shoulder and nuzzling into his sweater, which smells like grass and perfumed lotion.

"We can sleep some more, if you want," the blonde continues. "There's no rush."

At this command Eren relaxes back into sleep, and Armin allows his eyes to slip shut. And so they sleep, soothed by the presence of the remaining stars as light trickles in.

• • •

It's late when they pull up in the parking lot beside their building. Armin sighs, parking and staring up at the mute sky, blank rather than littered with stars. He takes a moment to lean back in his seat, exhaling deeply.

"Are you okay?" Eren asks gently, tilting his head as he looks at the blonde.

Armin nods, a trace of a smile falling onto his face. "I'm okay. Just tired."

The boys gather their belongings and trudge up the stairs to Mikasa's apartment.

Mikasa flings open the door, smiling delightedly at Eren and Armin.

"You're back!" she exclaims, beaming proudly upon them. Her hair is swept back into a messy ponytail, and her muscular arms protrude from a tank top, kind eyes focused upon the pair. "Come here, I want to give both of you a hug."

Eren and Armin step forward, allowing her to sweep them into her arms. "Did you guys have fun?"

"It was lots of fun! I'm really glad we went," Eren chirps, and Mikasa smiles even wider at his confidence and enthusiasm. "But...I'm really hungry. Is there anything to eat?"

"Of course. Go see Annie, she's making some dinner." Patting the boy on the shoulder, she sends him off, leaving Armin and Mikasa alone.

The ebony-haired girl can sense his distress from a mile away. "Need to talk?" she asks gently.

Armin stares guiltily at the floor, shaking his head and scrunching up his nose. "I wouldn't want to bother you," he murmurs.

"You could never bother me, Armin. You're like a little brother to me now. I want to help you." She pauses, staring down at the boy who still refuses to look up. "Tell me what I can do."

"W-well...we can...take a walk," he suggests.

Without alerting Eren and Annie, she grabs her hoodie off of the hook by the door. "Alright. Let's go."

Armin watches his sneakers as they hit the pavement while he walks, swallowing down the lump in his throat. They've been walking for two minutes and he still hasn't spoken, and Mikasa isn't going to force him.

"If you want to talk—" She begins, but is cut off by noisy sniffling, as Armin loses his restraint and the tears start to fall. Immediately, Mikasa jumps into action, stopping her walking and yanking him into an embrace.

She holds the blonde boy close to her chest as he shivers with sobs, tears sopping her hoodie. "I-I'm sorry," he manages to choke out, voice muffled. "I-I just...I feel so guilty...I-I shouldn't b-be unhappy...after wh-what...Eren did for me..."

"You can't help the way you feel," Mikasa replies in a soothing tone, cradling the boy against her. He's so thin, and delicate as glass—she lets go of her restraint, however, holding him tightly as his chest heaves with choked sobs, his hands clutching her hoodie like a lifeline.

"I know you're probably feeling selfish for not being happy even after Eren fulfilled something you've been dreaming of for _so long_ ," she continues. "But that's what depression is. It doesn't care what you've been through. Eren understands, he won't be upset if you are, he'll just try to help you. You're going to be alright, okay?"

Armin nods, his tears trailing off into nothingness at the punctuation of her words. "O-okay," he murmurs, pulling away and wiping his eyes. They're reddish-pink and incredibly puffy, and his cheeks are still wet with residual evidence of his grief. But Armin doesn't feel ashamed of his tears—it feels good to cry, and Mikasa never allows him to feel an ounce of guilt about it. Sometimes it's a necessity.

"Are you staying for dinner?" Mikasa asks him, slinging an arm around his shoulders as they begin to walk again. "Annie's making spaghetti I think."

Armin nods, sniffing as he stares at the sidewalk ahead, battered with the force of millions of footsteps and human carelessness. "Sure. I'll stay for a little while."

Eren basically attacks Armin in a hug when he returns. "Where'd you go?" he asks, a slight pout forming on his lip.

"Just out for a walk," the blonde replies, trying for a smile. "Is dinner ready? I'm hungry."

Eren is a ball of energy as they eat, divulging the details of their trip to Mikasa and Annie with excitement blazing in his mismatched eyes. It's really cute. It makes a smile bloom on Armin's lips.

•     •     •

Eren and Armin stand in the hallway after dinner, close proximity leaving no room between them. Eren knows he can't kiss Armin goodbye in front of his sister. He'll always be too embarrassed for that.

Armin's eyes flit down to the floor as they separate, and he sighs softly. Tucking a lock of golden hair behind his ear, Eren tilts his head, trying to measure the weight of his action. "What's wrong?" he inquires, voice small and quiet in the empty hallway.

The blonde shakes his head. "It's nothing, really. I'm just worn out from the drive." Shrugging, he tucks himself into Eren's arms. "I had a really nice time with you."

Smiling, the brunette returns the embrace. "Yeah. We should do it again," he agrees.

A silence exists between them, before Eren speaks again. "Being with you is like...being far away from all of my problems," he says, face brushing Armin's hair. "I-I don't know, I just...I don't know where this is coming from, but...I don't know what I would do without you. S-so if...if you ever..." Eren trails off, scrunching up his nose and shaking his head. "Nevermind."

"Ever what?" Armin pries, pulling away just to look at the boy, who has suddenly shrunk into himself, riddled with insecurities.

Eren just shakes his head again, refusing to approach the subject. Sensing his anxiety, Armin takes his hands, staring down at the dark olive skin, calloused fingertips, and the rough edges of tiny papercuts on his palms. "Want to hear about a supernova?" Armin asks carefully.

"Sure, okay." Eren nods, interest piquing. He likes to hear about Armin's knowledge of the universe.

"A supernova is when a star explodes. It's usually because it has too much mass in its core and the core collapses. The explosion is super bright and brilliant. Pretty cool, right?"

Eren nods, grinning at his enthusiasm. He can forget his inhibitions watching Armin smile like this, and lose himself in the blonde's interests.

Armin finishes his passionate speech with a genuine smile. "I'll see you tomorrow," he whispers, planting a final kiss on Eren's cheek. "Good night."

"Good night." Eren watches as his golden hair catches the light as he walks away, flowing effortlessly behind him.

• • •

Eren wakes to a lone text.

**Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry**

It startles him up to sitting, banishing him from his sleepy haze.

**what's wrong?**

**I hurt myself and I shouldn't have. I'm so sorry**

Alarmed, Eren tosses his blankets away from him and stands abruptly. **what? are you home? i'm going to come see you**

**No...please don't. Listen...I've become such a burden on you. I don't want to hurt you.**

**what do you mean???**

**I mean...I'm going to stay with my grandfather for a little while. I'll be back soon. Just please understand what I'm doing.**

Shaking his head rapidly, Eren taps his contact and hits call. Leg bouncing impatiently as the ringing drones on, Armin finally picks up. "Eren, listen—"

"Listen to what?! Wh-why are you pushing me away?!" he practically shouts, hands shoved in his hair. He can feel the rising hysteria in his voice, and the trembling as it courses throughout his body.

"I'm not pushing you away, I just—I think I should take some time to myself—"

"B-but I c-can help you! Why aren't you l-letting me?"

Armin sighs, long and sad. "I'm sick of causing damage around me. I'm sick of people getting hurt because of me. I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"You're n-not _hurting_ me," Eren whines, desperation seeping into his tone. "Armin...please."

"I'll see you in a bit, okay?" Armin's voice hitches with grief, and he hangs up before Eren can utter a single interjection, burying his phone deep in his bag.

Mikasa wakes to Eren's insistent shaking, emerging from the blanket that covers her face and squinting as she takes in her brother's appearance. Tears are streaming down his face and his breathing is rushed and erratic, oxygen escaping him. Yanking him into bed with her, she shoves Annie aside to make room for the anxious boy, soothing him with whispered words as she rubs his back. This takes longer than usual to quell his panic.

"Tell me what's wrong," she whispers, once Eren has composed himself. "Tell me what I can do."

"A-A-Armin," Eren manages on a shaky inhale, breathing out a quiet sob. "I-I'm scared h-he's gonna d-do something b-bad."

Mikasa stops, paying close attention. "Do you know where he is?"

Eren shakes his head, breathing into her t-shirt. She smells like mint toothpaste and lemonade.

"Do you want to go look for him?"

A nod.

This is how brother and sister find themselves sprinting up the numerous flights of stairs, towards the roof. Bursting through the door, Eren and Mikasa find a blonde figure—hunched over, shoulders shivering with the magnitude of the constant cruelty of the universe. Armin is a star about to implode.

A hand on Eren's shoulder, Mikasa guides the brunette boy forward, who is suddenly paralyzed with fear. She leaves them alone, and Eren notices just how tense the atmosphere is, filled with a million words left unsaid.

"Go away," Armin says before Eren can move a muscle, and his voice radiates with an unfamiliar coldness that makes Eren feel unbearably distant from the boy he has always been so close to.

"No," the brunette boy speaks—the tears have begun to spill down his cheeks again, and his voice is less than a whisper.

The blonde breathes out a laugh, dry and raspy. "I'm bleeding so much, you need to go away, because I won't let you see," he continues in a monotone.

"I don't mind. I wanna help you," Eren pipes up, words still neatly silent due to the gravity of the situation.

"You shouldn't." Armin's insecurities are on full display, in the way he shakes, like he'll go supernova any moment.

"I will." Determination breaking into his tone, Eren finally approaches his boyfriend, kneeling down beside him and observing how the stormy gray skies dull his usually vibrant appearance. Lifeless cerulean eyes stare into his, and Eren is alarmingly aware of the blood that drips from Armin's wrists onto the pavement.

"Sorry," Armin whispers, expression cracking into a million pieces.

"Don't even apologize." Eren is stern, brows furrowed as he silently urges Armin not to feel an ounce of guilt.

Eren hoists Armin onto his back, golden strands tickling his neck. Blood is seeping into Eren's favorite hoodie, staining the dark purple with crimson red, but it doesn't matter in that moment. All that matters is that Armin is okay, and Eren knows he is far from that.

"Don't tell my grandfather, okay?" Armin mumbles into Eren's skin. They are making a slow descent down the stairs, Eren unsteady with the extra weight on his back. "He'll be upset."

"Don't we have to go to the hospital?" Eren's voice is small, uncertain. It echoes throughout the stairwell and makes itself all too known to Armin, whose gut lurches.

"No. I know what to do."

Armin sits cross-legged on the bathroom floor as Annie meticulously bandages his wrists with gauze. Eren holds his hand so tightly it's numb, but Armin wouldn't dare let go, knowing it's the only lifeline to keep them both from sinking into hopelessness.

"All done," Annie says finally. She is trying, desperately, to remain composed, but her skin is pale, eyes stricken like she's just seen a ghost. "I'm going to go grab some coffee." With that, she departs, leaving the two boys alone.

Armin studies their fingers, fitting so evenly together. Chocolate tan with ivory white, bitten nails with calloused fingertips, warm palms with heartbeats of their own. Armin was never so sure of anything until he saw the way his hands fit in Eren's, so perfect and mismatched, unique in their own way. It's what links them together now, even as any moment they might fall apart into stardust.

"This is a cycle that never ends," Armin whispers finally. "This is how it goes. I act impulsively, and then I can't face the consequences. I can't deal with how I destroy myself. I ruin myself every time. And somehow everyone is still there, even when they should have run away." Sighing, Armin slumps against Eren, drained from blood loss and sleep deprivation. "Every time I think I'm getting better, I ruin it for myself. The trip was amazing and I was so happy..." Trailing off, he sweeps a hand over his face. His next words are squeaky and unsure. "Do you...still love me?"

Eren stares at the bandages on Armin's wrists, and the way his small frame is tucked towards Eren's in the tiny space of the bathroom, hearts connected like never before. The words shake him to his core in their uncertainty. "I'll never ever stop," he replies softly, easing Armin's every worry with a simple phrase. It holds a significant depth to it, and an honesty that Eren can't force.

"Okay." Armin leans his head on Eren's shoulder, closing his eyes. "Thank you."

Eren lets his eyes fall shut in response. "You're welcome."

Armin really does drift off to sleep, breathing growing slow and steady as he relaxes fully into Eren's arms. Not having the heart to wake him, Eren remains beside him, watching his blonde lashes flutter lightly, pink lips parted as he breathes, until he dozes off as well. They rest in the eye of a hurricane—Armin sleeping soundly as the destruction rages on in his head. For now, though, they sleep, content in believing that nothing is amiss in their shared world.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!!! Sorry for the delay in the update but thank you for all the reads ♡♡♡ (-: enjoy!!!

A ladybug is crawling willfully along the windowsill. A pair of eyes trace the movement of the tiny being with distinct curiosity, silently encouraging it on its path to somewhere unknown. Uncaring, unfeeling, it continues its trek across the narrow strip, moving diligently from one end to the next.

_I want to be that insignificant._

"Eren?"

A voice startles him out of his trance, and his hazy gaze focuses on the doorway to his right. An entire class of prying eyes stares in his direction, all blurs in his periphery. Miss Petra stands in the doorway, chewing her lip nervously as she smooths out her carefully-pressed, ruby red skirt. It matches her lipstick, which accentuates her features nicely.

"Can you please come with me?" she pipes up, her voice pulling him to his feet from his place across the room. Nodding awkwardly, he slings his backpack over his shoulder, and head bowed, exits the curious classroom.

"Eren, can you look up at me?"

Snapping his gaze upwards, the brunette boy is suddenly struck at the fact that he is now in the office of the counselor—Miss Petra's part-time position since this year. Scratching at the peeling fabric of the uncomfortable chair, Eren directs innocent eyes in her direction, eyes following the striking amount of red about her.

"Your teachers are telling me that you're not paying attention in class," she begins, her tone steady and expression tentative. "Levi says you're refusing to speak in French class again, you've been absent for tests in various classes and haven't made them up, and you're failing two classes?" Leaning across her desk, Eren shrinks backwards, eyes falling to his trembling hands.

"Honey, we're just worried," she continues, assurance in her voice. "We want you to do well. We want you to be okay. If anything is going on, anything at all, you're more than welcome to tell me."

Sighing deeply, the brunette stares at his sneakers, at the scuffed white rubber and fraying shoelaces.

"Well...for starters, my dad is in prison, for 'illegal human experiments,' whatever that means...my boyfriend is constantly unhappy, and never wants to see me anymore, let alone do _anything_...my sister won't stop micromanaging me because my portfolio is due for art school..." Trailing off, he sweeps a hand over his face in frustration. "Why should I give a _shit_ about anything if nobody gives a _shit_ about me?"

Miss Petra is silent. Eren is shivering with anger, picking aggressively at a thread on his jeans as to avoid eye contact for moments longer.

"Are we done here?" he snaps, venom laced in his words.

"Eren..." Miss Petra swirls words around on her tongue, searching for the right ones. "People care about you. You know that. People love you, even when they aren't prioritizing you. Mikasa just loves you and wants you to do well. You're her younger brother, and she's responsible for your well-being. She just wants you to succeed. And Armin loves you, even when he's going through a hard time. You've got to remember that. Okay?"

Having cooled off considerably, Eren nods, remorse washing over him. "O-okay. You're right," he whispers. "S-sorry for yelling, M-Miss Petra."

"It's alright, sweetheart." Standing from her desk, she places a gentle hand on his shoulder. "I know it's hard. But you've got to do well for the people that love you, okay?"

Nodding, Eren's lip wobbles with sudden emotion, which he represses in an instant. "Alright."

• • •

Slamming his locker closed, Eren begins to trudge slowly down the hallway. Most people have dispersed, giving him a clear pathway towards the doors. He's almost to the end when a hand clamps around his shoulder, startling him to his very core.

"Whoa! Sorry dude, I need to stop doing that!" Jean exclaims, and relief washes over the brunette boy immediately at his familiar, sandy-haired friend.

"I-it's okay," Eren stammers, the sleeves of his purple hoodie falling over his hands—a gift from Armin, after his old one was stained with blood, a reminder of Armin's pain. He's been wearing it everyday without fail, particularly due to the ache from missing the blonde boy.

"So, since today's Friday, I'm going to take you to see that scary movie you love so much, okay? 'Cause you've been so quiet lately, and I hate seeing you sad."

Eren allows himself a smile at Jean's sentiment. "You don't have to do that," he mumbles in refusal, though his heart glows warm in his chest.

"No, seriously. I wanna spend time with you, and cheer you up," Jean insists, his hazel eyes flashing with determination. Noticing the way Eren's mismatched eyes glisten with tears, he drapes an arm around his shoulders, squeezing him tightly to his side. "Let's go. It's on me."

• • •

It's gloriously empty in the movie theater. Jean and Eren are all alone, sitting in the center of the top row for the best view. Jean's arm hasn't left Eren's shoulders, and as the movie wears on, Eren gravitates closer and closer to his friend until he is huddled against his faintly muscular frame.

It's peaceful—Jean's steady heartbeat soothes Eren into a state of relaxation he hasn't achieved in ages. They envelope each other in a mutual warmth that distracts Eren from the tears that drip down his nose and fall from his chin. The platonic intimacy is enough of a distraction, while simultaneously a comfort to the gaping hole in Eren's heart.

"You okay, dude?" Jean murmurs as Eren sniffles, wiping his wet nose on the back of his sleeve. Nodding, Eren only curls closer to Jean, his attention drifting from the movie to the boy next to him.

"I know you miss him." Jean's tone is cautious, making sure he doesn't overstep any boundaries. "But I hope like...just hanging out helps."

Eren simply nods at this again, swiping at his eyes with his damp sleeve.

"Sorry to ask this...I don't wanna be insensitive I've just...been curious for a while...what's your favorite thing to do with Armin?"

Eren pauses to consider this, a wave of sadness washing over him. "Um...I guess cuddle, and listen to music, and...and kiss, I guess..." He trails off, smiling despairingly into the fabric of Jean's hoodie.

"Same here." Jean breathes out a little laugh. "I never realized just how... _perfect_ a relationship could be until I met Marco."

"That's sweet." Eren stifles a yawn. "I'm gonna tell him you said that."

"N-no way!" Jean protests, jerking his whole body in panic. This prompts Eren to utter a tiny, gentle laugh—it's a ray of sunshine in the darkened movie theater, that cuts through the creepy atmosphere of the movie. It's a sound that makes flowers bloom, even in the late fall weather around them.

"Can I ask you another question?" Jean inquires softly.

"Sure." Eren is equally as quiet.

"Have you and Armin ever done more than just kiss?"

Eren nods. "Yeah."

"What was it like?"

"It was nice," Eren whispers, voice muffled in Jean's hoodie. "Nice like...amazing."

"That's cool," Jean answers, squeezing Eren's shoulder. "I think I'm like...gray asexual? Or maybe demisexual? I did some research...so like, if I ever did anything with anybody, it would be with Marco. Because I trust him...a lot."

Eren nods once again. "Trust is important."

Driving back to Jean's place, rain taps against the windshield, gloomy gray clouds rolling through the skies above them. Eren stares through the sunroof at the ominous masses of fluffy condensation.

"Wanna sleep over?" Jean inquires.

Eren shrugs. "Sure."

Kicking off their damp sneakers by the door, Jean dumps his backpack on the floor, tossing his hoodie on a hook on the wall. Eren follows suit, clutching his sketchbook to his chest like a lifeline. Outside, the rain pours down in sheets of unforgiving droplets, thunder rumbling in the distance.

"My mom's at work, over time at the hospital or whatever," Jean explains, gesturing to the empty, disorderly apartment. Dishes are stacked in the kitchen sink, and papers clutter the countertops. But Jean's place holds charm—the walls are pink and purple striped, due to his mother's quirky personality. Various trinkets give the space even more character, like the small, yellow elephant statues on the bookshelf, or the miniature model cars lined up on the shelf below it.

"But I promised I would bake her something," Jean continues, socked feet padding softly on the kitchen tile. "Can you help me?"

"Of course." Eren allows himself a real smile for the second time that day, observing Jean in rare, focused form as he begins gathering the ingredients for his creation.

The step-by-step process finds Eren in a routine that is relaxing, rolling cookie dough into tiny spheres and laying them on a pan. Placing it in the oven, Jean hoists himself onto the countertop, legs swinging back in forth in his dark green jeans.

"Your apartment is so colorful." Eren traces a finger across a light orange cabinet. "How come you have so many toy cars anyway?"

A flash of lightning illuminates the darkness outside. Jean smiles down at his hands. "Those were my sister's. She was obsessed." Laughing quietly to himself, he continues. "A few years back, she and my mom got in this huge fight, and she left. She never came back, and my mom really misses her. So...she keeps those on the shelf, just because...it reminds her of better times, you know?"

Eren nods, feeling his heart lurch with unfamiliar emotion. "Yeah."

The boys munch on gooey chocolate chip cookies, seated in front of the TV as it plays the Princess Bride. Eren insisted on Jean seeing it, as it is his favorite. His phone sits neglected in his pocket by the door, and he can't find it in him to care whether or not Mikasa approves of him staying over at Jean's.

"This movie is hilarious," Jean snorts through a mouthful of cookie, pointing gleefully at the screen. "Thanks for showing me."

"No problem." Eren laughs.

Lying in a sleeping bag on the floor of Jean's bedroom, Eren stares up at the ceiling and listens to the noises of the rain against the windows, and the rush of cars through the water coating the streets, and the wail of sirens in the distance. Jean clears his throat, voice loud in the quiet room.

"I'm exhausted. I'm going to sleep, let me know if you need anything," he says.

"I'm fine," Eren replies. "Good night, Jean."

"Good night, Eren."

• • •

Armin is very familiar with the feeling of exhaustion.

He is pretty much perpetually exhausted, constantly craving the sleep that never seems to fulfill his fatigue.

However, he doesn't think he's ever been so tired as he is one particular day as he is studying in the university library. One moment he is staring at words on the page of a physics textbook, and the next he is slumped over, snoozing away.

Marco wanders into the library, closing up his soaked umbrella and stomping his combat boots on the rug by the door to dry them. It's eerily quiet during the later hours, but he is on a mission—Armin has avoided him for the past week, and he wants to see if he's okay.

Proceeding to the tables in the back, he finds a slumped figure, sleeping on a textbook. It's none other than his best friend, Armin Arlert, golden hair fanned across his face, jaw slack and the overhead lights making his pale skin glow.

"Hey." Marco nudges his shoulder gingerly, fingers brushing the soft fabric of his sweater. "Armin, wake up."

Startling awake, the blonde boy squints at the light flooding his vision, rubbing dazedly at his eyes. "Marco?" he mumbles in confusion, wiping a spot of drool from his chin as he takes in the appearance of his freckled friend. Marco is radiant on this particular evening, makeup accentuating his features, along with his powder blue cardigan, white shorts, and black tights with his combat boots. Armin, on the other hand, is worn out and disheveled—his sweater is long overdue a wash, and his skinny jeans are slightly baggy on his legs, splattered with old paint. They are most definitely Eren's, though he can't remember how he got a hold of them. He has neglected to brush his hair, and the purple eyebags he carries are enough to complete his pitiful appearance.

To top it all off, Armin's stomach growls, cutting through the relative silence of the library. It notifies him of the inevitable fact that he has not eaten a proper meal in two days.

Marco is distraught. "Armin," he speaks softly, his tone saturated with concern. "You're staying at mine tonight, okay?"

Shaking his head insistently, Armin grabs Marco's sleeve weakly, still squinting at the lights. "No...my grandfather will worry," he points out.

"Then let him know, okay? You need a break. Give me that textbook." When Armin doesn't obey his request, Marco removes it from the table with admonishing hazel eyes. "Call him as soon as we leave the library, and then I'm buying you food and taking you home to mine."

Unable to resist his best friend's kind gesture, Armin nods, standing as a rush of dizziness plagues him. Marco drapes an arm around his narrow shoulders, their difference in height almost laughable. "Let's go."

An hour later, Armin is eating fried rice in the dark beside Marco, while old Pokémon episodes play on the TV before them. The blonde is swallowed up in one of Marco's old t-shirts, which falls mid-thigh. Both boys share a blanket, huddled together and sharing a mutual comfort, no words needed.

The episode switches to commercials, and Marco turns to the blonde figure in the darkness, thunder rumbling in the distance outside.

"Doesn't it feel better to take a shower, and eat, and put on clean clothes, and just hang out?" Marco questions in a whisper. Armin simply nods, damp golden strands falling in his face.

"When did you last see Eren?"

Armin shrugs, guilt coursing through his veins. Truthfully, he's terrified—after the incident on the roof, he fled to his grandfather, while still attending classes and simultaneously ignoring his phone. When he returned to his phone, he only felt his stomach churn with remorse—Eren's texts, beginning with, **are you okay?** and, **i miss you :'-(** , tapered off into nothingness, until the notifications faded away, leaving Armin feeling more alone than ever before.

"Don't beat yourself up about it." Marco pats his shoulder, sending him a reassuring smile. Armin doesn't feel reassured at all. He feels like a wilting flower, slowly sucking the life from all the other flowers around him.

"I'm sorry Marco," Armin blurts out, desperation laced into his tone. "I'm sorry for being a bad friend. I neglected everything...I hate that I would even do that to you, I..."

Taking the blonde boy's trembling hands in his own, Marco focuses an understanding, unwavering gaze on the boy in next to him. Armin's eyes shine with tears in the glow from the TV, his breathing soft and shallow.

"You were never a bad friend," Marco promises him, voice a blanket of reassurance. "You've always been a wonderful friend. And I would never blame you for what you're going through." Tightening his grip on the blonde's smaller hands, he smiles. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

Extending his arms for an embrace, Armin falls into those comforting arms, curled up in the tall boy's warmth and solace.

For the first time in weeks, things feel okay. Just for an instant.

•     •     •

Eren wakes enveloped in darkness. Jean snores noisily above him, the sounds muffled into his pillow. Peering at his bright phone screen that cuts through the beginnings of light outside, Eren views the time. _5:24 AM._ Turning over, he attempts to shut his eyes again, but he is wide awake.

Eren breathes into the fabric of his hoodie, and the soft lavender scent it carries, smelling faintly of Armin. He closes his eyes, vivid imagery of stars painting his eyelids. Armin glowing, the tiny, white crystals in the sky alight with his overwhelming happiness.

Eventually, the sun shines in Eren's eyes and he sinks beneath the sleeping bag to block it out. Drifting back off into a light slumber, he stirs just as Jean does, feet hitting the carpet heavily.

Shaking his shoulder gently, Jean peeks inside of the sleeping bag at the drowsy brunette boy. "Hey, wanna get some coffee?" the sandy-haired friend offers in a kind voice. "And then I can drive you back to your sister's apartment, if you want."

Eren simply nods, unable to find his voice so early in the morning.

They venture out shortly afterwards, Eren dressed in his own clothes, freshly washed from the night before. Jean holds onto his shoulder, steering him through the crowds of flustered people rushing to work. Pushing through the door of the coffee shop, Eren falls into a chair in the back, leaving Jean to order them food and drinks.

Time passes as Jean stands in the slowly-diminishing line. He finally makes it to the front as the coffee shop almost completely empties, ordering two lattes and pastries for the pair of them.

Standing next to the counter as he waits, the bell on the door rings, signifying a new customer. A gust of cold hair ruffles Jean's hair, before he startles at a familiar face—covered in pretty brown freckles and smooth brunette waves, shaved on the sides. He wears a camo-green jacket, black leggings, and similar green shorts, gasping when his gaze eyes fall upon his boyfriend.

"Jean!" he exclaims delightedly, his soft, airy voice cutting through the relative silence of the coffee shop. "What are you doing here?"

"Hey babe!" Jean replies, equally as surprised as he flashes a smile. "I was with Eren..." He gestures roughly behind him with a sheepish grin.

"Oh. Well I'm with Armin..." Marco steps aside, revealing the tiny blonde male behind him, drowning in one of Marco's sweatshirts and baggy skinny jeans. He looks the definition of exhausted, with deep purple bags under his eyes to emphasize this fact.

"Oh. Hey dude," Jean greets him, trying for a smile as Armin waves, pink lips upturning slightly. "How...how are you?"

"I'm fine." Armin's voice is softer than soft, ocean blue eyes flitting to his purple sneakers. "You?"

"I'm...good." Biting his lip awkwardly, Jean shrugs in an attempt to be nonchalant. "You know...Eren's here...maybe you want to see him?"

Armin's eyes widen, every cell in his body freezing. "Um—o-okay," he stammers, not wanting to decline his friend's request. Besides, Jean and Marco clearly want to be alone, and he won't deny them that.

Approaching the back table on shaky legs, Armin's heartbeat quickens as Eren's figure nears closer and closer, hunched over a sketch as his hand moves steadily.

"Eren?" he pipes up, tone riddled with anxiety.

The brunette jumps at the familiar voice, eyes glowing with shock as he stares up at the blonde boy, in all of his fatigued glory.

"Can I...can I sit?" Armin touches a trembling hand to the top of the chair, and Eren simply nods, his words trapped in his throat.

"Um—I know, maybe you're mad at me..." He trails off, tucking a lock of hair behind his ear. "B-but I just—I-I'm...I'm sorry..." Voice trailing off into nothingness, Armin's lip quivers as tears flow down his cheeks like tiny waterfalls. He keeps his head bowed, staring at his pale hands, clenched into fists.

Reaching across the table, Eren unravels his tightly-wound fingers and curls his hands around his own, squeezing them in a soothing gesture. Armin's quiet sobs halt momentarily, and he peers up at the brunette through teary eyes.

Scribbling a short sentence onto his sketch pad, Eren slides it towards Armin.

_I'm just glad you're okay._

When their eyes meet, Eren glances away hurriedly, scrubbing at his eyes with his sleeve.

"Y-you're not mad?"

Eren shakes his head rapidly.

_I could never be mad. I love you and I'm glad you're safe._

Clutching the brunette boy's hands in his own, he leans forward until their foreheads touch in a mutual gentleness, tears mingling and eyes squeezed shut.

It feels like fate that they meet here, in the very first place they got to know each other, passing Eren's sketchbook back and forth. It doesn't feel like coincidence—nothing is coincidence about the radiant, marvelously imperfect boy, holding all of his complexities within, sat across from Eren, and the beautiful, warm, endlessly caring boy across from Armin. This is how they stay, with their hands clasped together, hearts trying to find their places all over again.


End file.
